Bumper Stickers 29

I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.

Show me the man who understands women, and I'll show you a man who's in
for a big surprise.

I don't get even, I get odder.

It's bad luck to be superstitious.

If the shortest distance between two points is a line,
why does waiting in one take so long?

Gravity...It's Not Just a Good Idea. It's the Law.

Never, ever make absolute, unconditional statements.

There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.

If they don't have chocolate in heaven, I ain't going.

Dinner is ready when the smoke alarm goes off.

No sense being pessimistic, it probably wouldn't work
anyway.

Some people type so fast that forget to include

I am at one with my duality.

Why should I waste my time reliving the
past when I can spend it worrying about the
future?

Ever notice how weekends are like rainbows? They always look great from a distance, but seem to disappear whenever you get up close.

Clones are people two.

Families are like fudge ... mostly sweet, with a few nuts.

Remember the strong oak tree in your backyard is just a nut
that held its ground.

Help beautify our dumps. Throw away something pretty.

He said he's had a tune running through his head all evening. Well, there's nothing in there to stop it.

Out of my mind...Back in five minutes.

Car sickness is the feeling you get when the
monthly car payment is due.

I get plenty of exercise -- jumping to conclusions,
pushing my luck, and dodging deadlines.

It really bothers me when people cut me o...

I'm out of bed and dressed, what more do you want?

If aliens are smart enough to travel through space, why
do they keep abducting the dumbest people on Earth?

And on the 8th day God said, OK Murphy, you take over.

The last 100 years, Americans have manufactured close to
100 billion pencils -- and we still can't keep one by
the phone.

Hang in there, retirement is only thirty years away!