Bumper Stickers 24

Get your mind out of the gutter! Grab mine while you're there, please.

Anything in parenthesis can (not) be ignored.

There's a typo in this sentence, but it slides away when your eyes move toward it.

The score was Hydrogen: 2 and Oxygen: 1 when the game was called because of rain.

Death called while you were out, so I gave him your pager number.

I doubt therefore I might be.

Do you know that if all the smokers were laid end to end around the world, three quarters of them would drown?

When people run around and around in circles we say they are crazy - When planets do it we say they are orbiting.

In the beginning was the word. And the word was "Aardvark".

An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.

I guess surrealism's not your cup of tuna.

The difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know, and I couldn't care less.

The BEST part of waking up? Hitting the snooze button and going back to sleep.

Quando Omni Flunkus Moritati - When all else fails, play dead.

The difference between British and Americans is, Americans think a hundred years is a long time, and the British think a hundred miles is a long drive.

Si hoc legere scis numium eruditionis habes. - If you can read this, you're overeducated.

If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket then giving Fido only two of them. - Phil Pastoret

Dogs may shed, but cats shred.

Anything on the ground is a cat toy. Anything not there yet, will be.

ANY question addresed to a cat can be counted rhetorical. - E. Miller

Cats instinctively know the exact moment their owners will wake up. Then they wake them 10 minutes earlier.

Dog's have owners. Cat's have staff.

Buy a dog a toy and it will play with it for ever. Buy a cat a present and it will play with the wrapper for 10 minutes.

I used to like political jokes until so many of them got elected.

The statement below is true.
The statement above is false.

Insane: When you're nuts and it bothers you. Crazy is when you're nuts and you like it.

School: Place where people learn how to copy textbooks, for that common situation in later life when the photocopier breaks and you realy need part of a book you aren't allowed to borrow.

Committee: A cul-de-sac down which ideas are lured and then quietly strangled.

Recursion: see Recursion.

Air bags: Inflation we can live with.

Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny.

Never run out of altitude, air speed, & ideas at one time.