Bumper Stickers 18

What goes around usually gets dizzy and falls over.

Live simply�So I can have the stuff you don't use!

Old skiers never die--they just go downhill.

I brake for hallucinations.

God is my co-pilot, but the Devil is my bombardier.

I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit.

Reason to smile: Every 7 minutes of every day, someone in an Aerobics class pulls a hamstring.

My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.

If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.

Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive.

In a veterinarian's waiting room, "Be back in 5 minutes.
Sit! Stay!"

At the electric company, "We would be delighted if you
send in your bill. However, if you don't, you will be..."

When life has you down and you feel like the whole world is after
you, keep your chin up...it gives them something to aim at.

Worry is like a rocking chair, it will give you something to do,
but it won't get you anywhere.

"The Law of Motivation" Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster

Pet Store: "Buy one, get one flea..."

Whomever said talk is cheap has never seen my phone bill.

Junk is the stuff we throw away. Stuff is the junk we save.

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

A penny saved is a Congressional spending oversight.

Any given computer program, if running, is obsolete.

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.

When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you're just sitting there, staring at carpeting?

Nonconformists are all alike.

If you can't be kind, be vague.

Budget: A method for going broke methodically.

Christmas is weird. What other time of
the year do you sit in front of a dead tree
and eat candy out of your socks?

In a restaurant window, "Don't stand there and be hungry,
come in and get fed up."

Inside a bowling alley, "Please be quiet. We need to hear
a pin drop."

In a cafeteria, "Shoes are required to eat in the
cafeteria. Socks can eat any place they want."