Bumper Stickers 17

Quoting one is plagiarism. Quoting many is research.

I wish I had a dollar for every time I spent a dollar, because then, I'd have all my money back.

Education kills by degrees.

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

Predestination was doomed to failure from the start.

Do not adjust your mind, there is a fault in reality.

I thought - Until I went to university.

Reality is an illusion produced by alcohol deficiency.

"Since writing on lavatory walls is done neither for personal aclaim nor financial reward it must be the purest form of art.
Discuss."

Fools rush in where fools have been before.

It's called "take home" pay because you can't afford to go anywhere else with it.

The slower you work, the fewer mistakes you make.

If Murphy's Law can go wrong, it will.

If at first you succeed, try to hide your astonishment.

You must have learned from others' mistakes. You haven't had time to think all those up yourself.

It's OK to let your mind go blank, but please turn off the sound.

Worry kills more people than work because more people worry than work.

Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

When you're getting kicked from behind, that means you're in front.

Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

Hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even if you wish they were.

Some people are like blisters. They don't show up until the work is done.

The one who snores will fall asleep first.

If you're happy and you know it see a shrink.

Save California--when you leave, take someone with you.

Worry. God knows all about you.

Suicide is a way of telling God, "You can't fire me, I quit!"

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

If you freeze to death and end up in hell... wouldn't you be really
comfortable some point along the way?

I'm not as think as you drunk I am.

The lottery is a tax for people who are bad at math.

I'm not completely worthless. I can be used as a bad example.

Veni, vidi, velcro: I came, I saw, I stuck around.