Bumper Stickers 15

I have to take my paycheck to the bank. It's too little to go by
itself.

I must be following my diet too closely. I keep gaining on it.

Welcome to Megacomputer's 24-hour helpline. If you have been
waiting LESS than 24 hours, please remain on the line.

Whenever I'm in a mood to watch the world go by, I just keep to
the posted speed limit.

Buy one for the price of two and get another one free!

The golden years: When actions creak louder than words.

A mouse trap, placed on top on of your alarm clock, will prevent you
from rolling over and going back to sleep.

The sea has a soothing effect. It's true, have you ever seen
a nervous clam?

I've got enough money saved for the rest of my life...
unless I want to buy something.

If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why
practice?

If so strong the force with Yoda is, why complete sentences
cannot he construct?

The only cure for insomnia is to get more sleep.

On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the
escape key.

A key ring is a handy little gadget that allows you to lose
all your keys at once.

The programmer's national anthem is 'AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH'.

Logic: The art of being wrong with confidence...

If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0

Maintenance-free: When it breaks, it can't be fixed...

Easier said than sung in Russian.

I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.

The sky already fell. Now what?

I xeroxed my watch. Now I have time to spare.

Sorry, my mind was wandering. One time my mind went all the way to Venus on mail order and I couldn't pay for it.

There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.

I have a microwave fireplace in my house... The other night I laid down in front of the fire for the evening in two minutes.

I couldn't find the remote control to the remote control.

I invented the cordless extension cord.

I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.

I bought some powdered water, but I don't know what to add to it.

The sun got confused about daylight savings time. It rose twice. Everything had two shadows.