Bumper Stickers 14

It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.

Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defence.

Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out of it alive.

Death is life's way of telling you you're fired.

Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.

To talk without thinking is to shoot without aiming.

Never wrestle with a pig. You both get dirty and the pig likes it.

I put instant coffee in a microwave and almost went back in time.

Suburbia: Where they tear out trees and name streets after them.

I was thinking of getting a REAL life, but changed my mind.
It looked like too much work!

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.

Relax. Only dread one day at a time.

The less things change, the more they remain the same.

When in charge, ponder.
When in trouble, delegate.
When in doubt, mumble.

Age only matters if you're cheese.

The older you get, the better you get (unless you're a banana)

There are three kinds of people: Those who make things happen, those who watch things happen, and those of us who wonder what the hell just happened.

Junk is something you throw away three weeks before you need it.

I used to be a schizophrenic until they cured me, now I'm just lonely.

A committee is a life form with six or more legs and no brain.

An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field.

A bank manager is someone who lends you an umbrella when the sun is shining, and who asks for it back when it start to rain.

Avoid life - It'll kill you in the end.

Death is hereditary.

Ironic isn't it, that nature gave the tortoise a drag factor of 0.03.

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included. I tried to return them and get my money back, but I didn't have them because they weren't included in the first place. I had to buy them all over again.

A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

An elephant is a mouse built to government specifications.

A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a
computer.

I tried to get in touch with my inner child but he isn't allowed
to talk to strangers.