Bumper Stickers

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

I wouldn't be paranoid if everyone didn't pick on me.

People have one thing in common: they are all different.

The trouble with our times is that the future is not what it used to be.
~Paul Valery

I know you think you understood what I said, but what you heard was not what I meant.

I used to be indecisive, now I'm not sure.

Hypochondria is the one disease I have not got.

Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired

Don't hate yourself in the morning -- sleep till noon.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

If you're not part of the solution, be part of the problem!

"It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education."
~Albert Einstein

Don't take life too seriously. You'll never get out of it alive.

Life is what happens to you while you are planning to do something else.

Reality's the only obstacle to happiness.

The knack of flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.

The attention span of a computer is as long as its electrical cord.

To err is human, to really foul things up requires a computer.

Work fascinates me. I could sit and watch it for hours.

When all else fails, read the instructions.

Screw up your life, you've screwed everything else up.

When in doubt, don't bother.

Xerox does it again and again and again and...

Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.

We are the people our parents warned us about.

I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.

Love your enemies. It'll make 'em crazy.

The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.

Those of you who think they know everything are very annoying to those of us who do.

If you can't dazzle 'em with brilliance, baffle 'em with bullshit.

Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.

Laugh, and the world ignores you. Crying doesn't help either.

What is worth doing is worth the trouble of asking somebody to do it.