MAN LAW
143) You may exaggerate any anecdote told to your friends by 50% without recrimination, beyond that anyone within earshot is allowed to yell out "bullshit!". (exception: when trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration is 400%) 144) The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another man is 5 minutes. The maximum is 6 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale. 145) Bitching about the brand of free beverages in your buddy's refrigerator is forbidden. But gripe at will if the temperature is not suitable. 146) A friend must be permitted to borrow anything you own - grill, car, firstborn child - within 12 hr notice. Women or anything considered "lucky" are not applicable in this case. 147) Falling on a grenade for a buddy (agreeing to distract the skanky friend of the hot babe he's trying to score) is your legal duty. But should you get carried away with your good deed and end up getting on the beast, your pal is forbidden to ever speak of it. 148) Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a Buffalo wing clean. 149) No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. (in fact, even remembering your best friends birthday is optional) 150) When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing. You should know such things. 151) If your girlfriend asks to set your friend up with her ugly, whiny, loser friend of hers, you must grant permission, but only if you have ample time to warn your friend to prepare his excuse about joining the priesthood. 152) When picking players for sports teams it is permissible to skip over your buddy in favor of better athletes- as long as you don�t let him be the last sorry son of a bitch standing on the sideline. 153) Never join your girlfriend in ragging on a buddy of yours... unless she is withholding sex, pending your response. 154) You can not rat out a friend who show's up to work or class with a massive hangover, however you may: hide the aspirin, smear his chair with limburger cheese, turn the brightness on his computer way down so he thinks its broken, or have him paged every seven minutes. 155) The morning after you and a babe, who was formerly "just a friend", go at it, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to jump on her again before there is a discussion about what a big mistake it was. 156) Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies. 157) On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest. 158) You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend. 159) Unless you're in prison, never fight naked. 160) A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight. 161) Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy. 162) Pull out. 163) Always toast before doing a shot. 164) Whoever buys the shot gets the first chance to offer a toast. 165) Buying someone a drink is five times better than a handshake. 166) Never borrow more than one cigarette from the same person in one night. 167)When at a bar, limit orders to beer, straight shots and two-part cocktails. 168) Get the bartender's attention with eye contact and a smile. 169) Do not make eye contact with the bartender if you do not want a drink. 170) Never, ever tell a bartender he made your drink too strong. If he makes it too weak, order a double next time. He'll get the message. 171) If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she refuses, she does not like you. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she accepts, she still might not like you. If she buys you a drink, she likes you. 172) Always have a corkscrew and bottle opener in your house.
MAN LAW PAGE 7
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