Many people don't know what really happened
to Robert Plant after Led Zeppelin disbanded.
Most thought he hid out for a while and then
started a solo career.
We searched our sources on the internet and discovered
that Robert Plant is hiding more than he should!

It all started with the love of disco.
It was Robert Plant's big secret.

He took over for Glenn Hughes, The Village People's "Leather Man,"
after Hughes' mustache grew too long to keep on stage.
They hired Robert Plant after watching him perform
and realizing he was dirty and ditzy enough for the job.

However, his talents were wanted elsewhere.
Disco supergroup, The Bee Gees, needed someone to cover
for Robin Gibb while he took an extended break to shave his head
and buy many pairs of shining sunglasses.

As you can see, Robert is right at home with the boys.

Robert had an extrordinary ability to create
fine disco music and with he Bee Gees behind him,
he found new glory.  Maurice Gibb recalls:
"See, Robert is different than most people think.
He belongs under the bright lights with
tight bellbottoms and white shoes.
He was born for his puffy mullet and
insatiable cocaine appetite.  However, he found
his calling in rock and roll.  He belonged in disco.
That's why Led Zeppelin didn't last.
Robert should have been with us from the start!"

Robert, however, missed the rock and roll feel.
He left the Bee Gees in search of a larger group
with a bit of a harder sound.

Instead, he found Chicago.

Robert found new ways to put listeners to sleep
while playing and performing with Chicago.
He formed a good friendship with another
disco-seeking rock star:  Peter Frampton*, second from bottom left.

He enjoyed his time with Chicago immensely.

However, there already was a dirty blonde guy in Chicago,
and he had his hands all over  Peter Frampton*,
which made Robert jealous.  So he left.

After his work in the world of Disco,
he craved a bit of true hardcore rock.

Dee Snyder of Twisted Sister fame
was taking a break from his heavy metal crossdressing group
to raise his son, Jesse.  Before Dee gave his two weeks notice,
he set out to find someone else with wild blonde hair to take his place.

Dee Snyder recalls his first meeting with Robert Plant:
"He was so effeminite and polite.  I wasn't sure if
he was the one for the job.  After all, heavy metal
is neither effeminite or polite, even if we dress in women's clothing.
Then again, Robert dressed in women's clothing
for most of his career in Led Zeppelin,
plus he had that signature wail.  So I hired him.
Biggest fucking mistake of my life."

Robert tried as hard as he could to imitate Dee Snyder.

However, that kind of hard rocking just
wasn't in his soul anymore.
He almost permanently pussied up Twisted Sister
with his softer, gentler wails, and was fired from the group
midway through tour for using the makeup too prettily.

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*Not actually Peter Frampton
I do not know the Bee Gees, The Village People, Chicago, or Twisted Sister.  All conversations presented did not actually occur.  I don't freaking know these people.