Robert began his solo career,
still in his "shock them" phase of performing.
However, his own music, disgustingly poppish
and really quite awful, could not pay the bills.
After all, his voice turned to crap after
so much screaming with Twisted Sister.
Rather than push the issue in a rock environment,
he joined the quiet funk scene with hopes to change his style completely.
Thus, The Funk Lord was born.
He judged his career based on the amplitude of his afro.
According to the picture, he was successful.
To paint a picture of his performing style,
funk journalist Mojo Bootz tells us of a Funk Lord concert:
"He waltzed out onto that stage in a blaze of funkin' glory,
Dat fro wuz like NOTHIN' I'd eva seen. Hiz bootz were high
as the sky,
shimmering white like marble. Funk was in dis boyz BLUD!
Lemme tell you, he shone like a cracker,
but his blood was all deep black FUNK."
Robert retired from the funk in the late eighties and took a long
break,
until Jimmy Page called upon him to to reunite as "Led Zeppelin."
The two recieved much scrutiny without John Paul Jones on bass,
but they had no choice, since Jones was too busy building a shrine
to himself
to gain worship from his growing group of satanic followers.
After 1998 Jimmy Page bailed on Robert Plant after releasing an
album,
to work with Puff Daddy and start a rap career as Rebel J-Dawg.
Robert used his rekindled fame and expertise
to gain management of budding pop group, N'Sync.
Robert found that the members lacked flare because
of the boring "other guy" of N'Sync. Robert Plant
joined in his place.
N'Sync gained much popularity with Robert at the helm.
However, members of the band became detached from Robert
because of his disgusting body odor. To keep the funk alive,
he stopped showering in 1985.
On the day this photo was taken, Lance Bass
was discovered to have puked all over Robert's shoes
from the awful smell of his armpits,
and was subsequently fired from the band.
The rest disbanded, although Justin Timberlake
kept Robert on board to manage his solo career.
He took care to make sure Justin got all the press he deserved,
all the bootylicious groupies,
and all the money he could throw away on jewelry
for himself and girlfriend, Britney Spears.
Justin grew weary of Robert's meddling, however.
Bob went everywhere with the couple. Movies. Dates.
Shows.
The most private matters required Bob's input.
Relationship troubles began to form between Justin and Britney,
who blamed the trouble on Bob's inclusion in private matters.
Justin Timberlake fired him after finding out he used all of his
hairspray.
However, when he lost Robert, he lost more than he thought.
Robert Plant and Britney Spears are currently hiding from state police
who fear the combination of these two incredibly stupid people
could birth the antichrist.
I do not know Britney Spears, Justin Timberlake, members of N'Suck, the guy from Quiet Riot (picture used above, or any funk stars. Mojo Bootz is purely fictional.