It's 9:00. Too damn early. But the sun is shining and I can't go back to sleep. Besides, the bed is too lonely without him...I don't even know what happened. Some stupid argument, something stupid I said...me being jealous...again. It's not that I don't trust Lance, it's just that I don't trust the other people that keep hitting on him. So I guess he decided to go...I wonder how well he slept last night. I hope he slept as horribly as I did...just because. Sleep is gone now.
Oh look, the parade's on...Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. Today's Thanksgiving, isn't it? We were supposed to spend it together, him and me. We were gonna have it here in Orlando with my family cause we wanted to spend it together. I think he went back to Mississippi. Maybe it snowed and he couldn't leave. Yeah, right. It doesn't snow here, but I wish it would. Cause then we could have real Christmas trees during Christmas, real snow, instead of these stupid palm trees or the plastic crap that doesn't have any meaning. Fake trees...how...traditional.
The people in the parade look cold...all the people carrying balloons and dancing on the floats. Hey, it's the Snoopy balloon...and now that ugly woman is taking up all the room on the screen. Move, dammit, I wanna see Snoopy...
More people looking cold...hey, there's Miss America and her Hawaiian float...damn those people doing the hula must be freezing their asses off. Haha, you're there in 30 degree weather and I'm happily here in Orlando. Well not exactly happily. I wish Lance was here. Oh look, I'm crying. Stop crying, Josh, I wanna watch the rest of the parade...
We did the parade last year. We were on the M&M float and it was cold. Very cold. But one look at Lance and I felt so much better...We're not doing it this year, obviously. But LFO is. There they are...what was there last song? Girl on TV? They had like, two songs and now they're doing West Side Story or something. What is that? Commercial again.
I don't want to see my family, I really don't. They mean well, but they'll ask about him and I don't want to talk about it. I definitely made him mad...he came back late from clubbing with Joey and I was tired and I think I was drunk so I lit into him and asked him where he was...I don't think I made him mad so much as hurt. Cause he looked like he wanted to cry...And I hate it when that happens because it makes me feel so bad but I couldn't shut myself up and now I ruined what we had and I couldn't--
Hey, it's little Aaron Carter, cool! That's Nick from Backstreet's brother. He's not bad...but he's thirteen, isn't he? Fourteen? Twelve? Why the hell is he singing about wanting a girl named Candy? Or something. Whatever.
Oh, it's Barney singing Christmas songs. Stop being so damn happy, can't you see that I don't feel like it? You and Baby Bop and BJ can take your Merry-Christmas-Colorful-I Love You-Singing-Happy-Dinosaur mentality and shove it where the sun don't shine. How's THAT for using my imagination? And I really wish what's-her-face and Matt whatever would stop flirting. It's disgusting. You have a kid, woman, you've mentioned the poor girl enough. And she loves Cassie the Dragon? What the hell? What kind of shit are they feeding kids now? What happened to Sesame Street? Sure they came by, but it's not the same...
Now it's another singer...Mikalia. I've heard that song, but she's only fourteen? What does she know about being in love with two people? God I wish they would have them sing songs that aren't a little...oh, I don't know, hard to believe? And they're all lip singing anyway. Stupid. Stupid stupid stupid. People lose respect for crap like that, ya know.
Now it's the best part...Santa and his sleigh...wait, did they just say something else? Not a sleigh? �What sort of parade is this? I don't know. And they say this Santa is a good one. Santa, can you bring Lance back to me? That's all I want, but do you think you could make it happen before Christmas? Like, today before Christmas? I miss him a lot and I want to tell him I'm sorry.
This sucks. I don't like Thanksgiving, I don't want to see my family, but I have to go over there and be Happy Josh for a day or sixteen. However long it takes for him to forgive me. Maybe I'll beg or something. This sucks.
And now NBC is proclaiming that they're the only station that will show the movie "It's a Wonderful Life." That's because NO ONE ELSE FUCKING WILL! I HATE this movie! It's too...ugh. I don't know. It's not a wonderful life. Life sucks and then you die. Maybe I could die soon...then Lance would forgive me. Maybe. No, that's stupid. Stupid Josh. Ow, that hurt. No more banging heads against the wall...I think that kills brain cells. What are those important for? Hmm.
They're arguing in the movie...then they'll kiss and make up and do it some more, I bet. Who cares? This sucks. Off you go and now I have to get ready to visit my family.
*
"Josh, we're so glad you came! We set an extra plate for Lance...hey, where is he?"
Kiss on the cheek...Smile smile, don't look sad, you can not fucking look sad..."He...couldn't make it."
The smile still stays on my mother's face. I don't think she likes him very much. Shh, don't let her know you know her secret! �"Oh, that's too bad. Well, maybe he'll come later. We'll leave it out."
Great, torture me some more. Hands in pockets, smile. "Anything I can do to help?"
"Sure, you can..."
*
Dinner time. My relatives miss me SO MUCH and I'm SO GLAD I could spend time with them. Stop looking at the empty plate next to you, Chasez, cause then you'll start to cry and then where will you be?
"Happy Thanksgiving." That's the fifth time I've heard that.
"You too." Don't mumble, it's not polite. Please, somebody call me...I don't care who...it can be fucking Lou Pearlman if he so chooses and I won't care. I normally love Thanksgiving but now I don't feel like celebrating it. Thank you Pilgrims. Hey, it's ringing! "Oh, excuse me, it could be--"
"Don't worry, Josh, go ahead!"
That was my uncle. You rock, dude, but I don't think you'd be too happy if you found out that I'm talking to Lou Pearlman, would you? Ha. "Hello?"
"Josh?" It's not Lou.
"Lance?" It's him. Why is he calling me? What--
"Yeah. Um...listen, Josh...I wanted to say that I'm sorry for leaving--"
"Don't apologize."
"What?"
"Don't. Apologize. It's my fault and I'm so sorry and I screwed up so bad and I've been miserable all day and my family keeps fawning over me and all I want to do is hold you and beg for you to for--"
"Josh?"
"--give me...what?" �He interrupted me! I was busy bitching and groveling and he interrupted me.
"Breathe and answer a question for me."
What? A question? What kind of screwed up things are-- "What is it?"
"Tell me this. Who the hell wants to go to Mississippi on Thanksgiving Day? Who wants to go out to Mississippi so bad that they take the last plane ticket right before I get to the ticket counter?"
Wait...is he saying...what..."Huh?" Oh that sounded educated. He must be so proud.
"Airhead." I was right, he's proud of me. "Well, obviously someone did cause there ain't no more flights to Mississippi or anywhere today."
"So wait--" What is he getting at? "Where are you, then?"
"Where the hell do you think?"
He's at our apartment! I knew it! Thank you Santa! "Be right back!" I yell...not even bothering to explain why I'm on my way out the door in the middle of Thanksgiving dinner to go home and get--
"You gonna just stand there or are you gonna let me in?"
He's standing at my door with a cellphone. Oh God. I hug him. I hug him so tight I think I killed him. "Lance--"
"Shh. I'm hungry. We'll talk later, okay?"
"Does this mean you forgive me?"
"What do you think?"
What do I think? Maybe it is a wonderful life after all.
