See the stars they're shining bright
Everything's all right tonight
"Your smile lights up a room," Chris said, "and your eyes make my knees weak. Sometimes, when I'm alone at night, I--"
"Oh for Christ's sake," Lance finally interjected. "Would you please, just."
"Never stop?" Chris asked. "Okay. When I'm alone at night, I--"
"--shut the fuck up--"
"--think about--"
"--you annoying piece of--"
"--how much I want to--"
"This is so much fun," JC said from the doorway. "I missed you guys."
"Hey, JC!" Chris said. "Don't call before you come or anything."
JC grinned. "I'll try to remember that next time. So what's going on with you?"
"I was just telling Lance how wonderful he is," Chris said.
Lance rolled his eyes. "Acting like a fucking moron, is more like it."
"I was merely describing all the things I love about you," Chris said.
JC grinned. "So it's progressed to love now, has it?"
Chris nodded seriously. "I am madly and deeply and totally in love with Lance."
Lance rolled his eyes. "Madly and deeply and totally on crack, is more like it. Leave me alone."
Chris grinned at JC. "So are you staying the night, brother? You can take the other guest room."
JC laughed. "Thanks for the offer, Chris. Sure, why not."
Lance threw up his hands. "Hello. My house?"
JC winked. "Okay, Lance, can I stay in your house?"
"Yes," Lance grumbled, "you can take the other guest room."
*~*~*~*~*
"So how long has he been here?" JC asked.
"A couple days," Lance said. "He honestly showed up with nothing. Just showed up on my doorstep and hasn't left. Of course I had to let him stay, but now he's starting up with all of this bullshit again."
"I think it's cute," JC said.
"Yeah?" Lance said, "well I think it's annoying."
*~*~*~*~*
JC could remember the first time Chris had shown any kind of interest in Lance, contrived or otherwise. It had been right as the Celebrity tour was wrapping up, before the hiatus started. Lance was really getting ready to go to space, and Chris. Well. Chris was flipping out. JC remembered how Lance had talked to them all as a group, then one on one individually, and he assumed Chris was doing okay. A little worried, but they all were. Until Chris grabbed JC one day, dragged him out of sight, and confessed that he was terrified. "Like, a plane ride, only, multiply that by seven million. And make it faster, and, hey, while we're at it, let's just, you know, take a spin around the moon. Why would he do that to himself? Why, JC? Is he stupid, or what?"
JC had tried really really hard not to laugh.
It hadn't worked.
"Oh, sure," Chris said, "laugh at me. Go ahead, I'm just looking out for our bandmate here. But no, apparently that's laughable."
JC bit his lower lip. "Look, Chris, I--"
"Oh, no, no, don't worry, it's okay, my feelings aren't hurt or anything," Chris said loudly.
Chris kicked at him, miffed. JC jumped away before contact was made. "Cute?" he said.
JC shrugged. "Adorable?"
Chris made a face.
"Endearing," JC said.
"Eh," Chris considered. "Well. Okay."
"So, what, do you have a little crush on him, or something?" JC asked.
"No," Chris said quickly. And loudly. He lowered his voice. "No, I just, well, I just want to, I don't want him dead, that's all," he mumbled, the last part of the sentence running together.
Oh, this was too much. Chris never stuttered. Not like that. JC's grin widened. "Come on now," he said.
Chris scowled. "Forget I said anything," he said.
"Oh, don't shut down," JC said, "I'm sorry, I'm just teasing you. You do it to me enough."
"That doesn't mean you should do it back," Chris grumbled. JC rolled his eyes at him. "Shut up. And, by the way, speak a word of this and I'll burn your favorite shirt. The one with the sparkles."
"Hey!" JC protested.
"Swear?"
"No," JC said, and crossed his arms.
"Oh, okay," Chris said, "I guess I'll burn that hat you like so much, too." JC glared at him. "Too bad, I really liked that hat," Chris shrugged, and started walking away.
"Fine," JC said. Now that just wasn't fair.
"I knew you'd see it my way."
"Asshole," JC said.
*~*~*~*~*
After that, JC watched Chris for the rest of the tour, keeping a close watch on him and making little tally marks for every time he caught him looking at Lance when there wasn't any reason to be. Considering there had only been about a week left, 712 was a heck of a lot of tally marks. Joey caught him once, and JC, remembering Chris' threat, said it was every time Chris acted like a moron. Which was true, to an extent. Joey'd said something about how 712 wasn't enough when talking about Chris, which sent JC off into a rambling explanation about how it was only certain times.
Joey'd eventually just shook his head, laughed, and walked away. There were perks to being incoherent, sometimes, especially when it was on purpose.
He didn't add tallies for when Chris was talking to Lance, or when Lance was talking to everyone and Chris was watching him, because that was actual conversation. It was things like when Lance was eating something across the room and Chris would keep sneaking glances from where he was goofing off with Justin.
When there were only a few days left and JC and Chris were watching TV in the toy room together, JC asked him if he'd finally figured out what he was going to do over the hiatus.
"Oh," Chris said, "I decided I'm gonna take an RV, and go across..." he trailed off and JC glanced away from the commercial to see that Chris' attention had been drawn to Lance, who was on the other side of the room...reading a book? JC looked back at Chris in disbelief. When Chris made no move to continue the conversation, JC made a mental note to add three tallies.
Because that was just rude.
*~*~*~*~*
"You know," JC said to Chris, "it's been a year."
"A year since what?" Chris asked.
"Come on, you know," JC said, "since the hiatus started. Since you first told me anything about Lance."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Chris asked.
JC rolled his eyes. "Come on," he said.
Chris shrugged. "I have no idea what you're talking about."
"Okay," JC said, nodding, "sure. So, when you randomly show up at Lance's house, bombard him with meaningless clich�s, and refuse to leave, that means nothing."
Chris shrugged again, a smirk on his face. "You said it, not me."
JC sighed. "You're impossible, you know that? You can't lie to me, I know how you really feel about him. But he's never going to believe you if you keep acting like such a moron about it."
"He's not going to take me seriously, JC," Chris said. "At least this way, I have some fun."
JC sighed. "You--" he cut himself off, because it really wasn't worth it.
"Good boy," Chris said, "you know by now, I always win."
*~*~*~*~*
"Hey," Chris said, "did you know it's been a year since the hiatus started?"
"Why, yes," Lance said. "I did know that. Why?"
JC rolled his eyes.
"Well, you know," Chris said, "a year. That's, you know, four seasons, twelve months, 365 days...8,760 hours..."
"525,600 minutes?" Lance asked. "Yeah, I went to go see Joey, too."
"16,424 tally marks," JC offered.
"Tally--what?" Lance asked.
JC sighed. "Nothing, dude," he said, "carry on."
"Well," Chris said irritably, "I was just going to say, that if you went to the bathroom four times in a day, for five minutes each time--"
"You spend five minutes on a trip to the bathroom?" Lance asked. "What do you do in there? Oh, wait, never mind."
Chris flipped him off. "Five minutes each time, that's 20 minutes a day, that's 7300 minutes of your life spent in the bathroom. Or, in simpler terms, about 122 hours. Or, 5 days. Isn't that gross?"
You're gross," Lance said, making a face. "That's revolting"
JC stood up. "Why am I here?" he asked. "Why did I think this would be a good idea?"
"You know what a year also means," Chris said, "If you jerk off, say, twice a day, give or take a few--"
JC left the room.
*~*~*~*~*
"That," Chris said, "is what I think of your year bullshit."
"What," JC said, "so you're telling me you've spent about a month of the past year jerking off and in the bathroom? Yeah, okay, sure."
"No," Chris said, "I--"
"Shut up," JC said, "dude, that is just, that is some of the stupidest stuff I have ever heard you say. And man, I've known you almost ten years now. Yeah, you're really making progress." He rolled his eyes.
"Making progress with what?" Chris asked stubbornly.
JC rolled his eyes again. "You know, forget it," he said. "You're not taking me seriously, so, you know. Good luck, and all that."
"Don't be so pissy," Chris said.
"I'm not pissy," JC said.
"You are too," Chris retorted. "Let me just do things my own way, all right?"
JC folded his arms over his chest. "Your way blows," he said, and walked away.
*~*~*~*~*
"JC, man," Joey said, "there's really nothing you can do for them. If they're not going to say anything to each other, they're not going to say anything to each other. I know you're trying for the best, but you might make things worse."
"But they're just," JC said, "if they would stop being so damn stubborn--
"I know," Joey said. "But leave them alone for a little while. Let Chris annoy Lance into oblivion. The boner could use the distraction. Don't let yourself get worked up about it. And don't roll your eyes at me, you goofball." He tapped the phone in a way that was meant to sound reprimanding.
JC rolled his eyes anyway, out of spite. "You can't see me."
"You forget that I can see everything."
"You're not Superman," JC said.
"Only in the minds of those that don't believe," Joey said, not missing a beat. "Relax a bit, C. Watch those two, they'll get tired of messing around sooner or later."
JC sighed. "You're not being very helpful."
Joey laughed at him. "That's not my job."
"Yes it is," JC argued.
Joey laughed again. "You'll be fine, dork," he said. "And so will they. Don't worry. I gotta go, baby calls."
"Sure," JC said, "use the kid as an excuse."
"Yeah, C, that's it," Joey said. "Call me if anything interesting happens. But trust me, it'll be okay. Tell Chris and the boner I said hello."
"Yeah, yeah," JC grumbled.
Lance was standing in the doorway when JC hung up with Joey. "Hey," he said.
JC looked up, startled. "Um," he said, "hi."
"How's Joey?"
"He says hi. How'd you know I was talking to him?"
Lance grinned. "Because you get a kind of pissy look when you hang up with him sometimes. I'm sure I do too," he rushed, seeing JC's frown. "But more importantly, how many times did he refer to me as a boner?"
JC grinned. "Retaliation? Just twice."
"Just? That was a short conversation." JC could see the wheels turning in his head. "Anyway, what's up?"
"Nothing," JC said, "just thinking. I called to check in, you know. I told him I'd call him if you didn't kick me out of your house." Lance grinned. "Where's Chris?"
Lance rolled his eyes and JC couldn't help smiling to himself. "Getting his ass into trouble, probably."
"You two, man," JC said, and shook his head. "Never mind."
"We two what?" Lance asked.
JC shook his head again. "Nah," he said. "But, you know what, man, Chris isn't always good at saying what he feels, you know that?"
Lance rolled his eyes. "I have known him for just about as long as you have," he said.
JC shrugged. Lance would see the point when he wanted to. "Yeah, just making sure," he said.
*~*~*~*~*
"Chris wanted me to call you to let you know that he's not speaking to you anymore," Justin said.
JC's brow furrowed and he pulled the phone away from his ear and stared at it for a second. "Say that again?" Justin repeated it. "Okay, uh. Why?"
"I don't know, man, some kind of bullshit about meddling, or something. He was kind of rambling on and on, you know."
"Um," JC said, "okay. He, what?"
Justin laughed. "What the hell are you doing over there, man?"
"You know," JC said honestly, "I don't really know anymore."
Justin laughed again. "Well hey," he said, "I'll let Chris know I talked to you for him. Have a message?"
"Tell him I said he's a moron. Why didn't he just go through Lance?"
"Because then he wouldn't be Chris," Justin said. "Good luck over there, C. I'm glad I'm far away from that mess. You're a better man than I."
JC gave a short laugh. "Yeah, well," he said. "I'll talk to him. Moron."
Justin laughed. "Later, C. Love you, man."
"Yeah, J, you too. Thanks."
*~*~*~*~*
"Hey, Chris."
No answer.
"Chris?"
No answer.
"Chrissssssss."
Nothing.
"Chrissy?"
A twitch, but nothing.
"Chris, your nose has something big and nasty hanging out of it."
Chris' hand went to his nose, then it froze and he turned and glared at JC. "Liar. And people say I'm the immature one."
JC grinned. "I win," he said. Chris folded his arms over his chest and looked away. "Come on, now. You fell for it." Chris didn't say anything, and JC continued. "So what's the problem?"
"Problem?"
JC rolled his eyes. "Why'd you tell Justin you weren't talking to me?"
"Because I wasn't, until you played that stupid trick."
"Come on," JC said, "every time you say you're going to stop speaking to me, I do that. Every time. You'd think someone would learn. You walk into it."
Chris was silent for a few seconds. "You're mean."
JC rolled his eyes again. "Why weren't you talking to me?"
"Because you meddle!" Chris said. "There is no need to be meddling!"
JC sat down next to him. "I'm just trying to help."
"Well," Chris said, "don't. I told you before, there's nothing you can do to really change anything."
"Fine," JC said, "I won't meddle. But can I offer you advice?"
"Meddler."
"I think you should tell him, for real. Without all the messing around. You never know what he might say."
"My way, JC," Chris said.
"Your way involves talking about jerking off in the bathroom for half a year," JC retorted, "I think I've mentioned that neither of us are particularly impressed with your way." He stood up. "Give it a shot. It'll be okay, what's the worst that could happen?"
Chris was silent as he walked away.
*~*~*~*~*
"Hey, Lance."
"Hey, JC. Chris talking to you yet?"
"Not voluntarily, but he is."
Lance laughed. "He fell for that trick again, didn't he?"
JC shrugged. "He may have, maybe."
"So what'd he get mad at you for this time?"
"He thinks I stick my nose in other people's business."
"You do, when your head is around enough to pay attention to other people's business."
"Thanks, buddy," JC said.
"No problem. So what are you meddling in this time?"
"Um," JC said, and cringed. "Well, the whole, um, how he says this stuff about, how." He stopped.
"Well, when he's talking about, you know. When he says stuff about how he likes you, and stuff."
"What about it?" Lance asked patiently.
"Well, I just think, you know, he should tell you he's serious about it."
"But he's not, C. If he was, you know, reciprocation and all that, but he's not. That's why he bugs me when he does it."
"Um," JC said, "he might be. And, that's meddling, so I'm going to go away now. But um, you should, yeah, you should maybe listen to him a little bit. Or if you don't believe him, you know, test him, or, you know, something, and then you'd know. Yeah, and don't tell him we had this conversation, because, I really like that shirt I have with the sparkles."
Lance furrowed his brow. "What?"
"Um, I think, I just forgot, I have to do something," JC said, "we'll talk later."
"Forgot to do what? No, JC, you're going to tell me what you mean."
"I forgot I had to go to the bathroom," JC said. "Bye!"
He darted from the room, ignoring Lance's confused protest. He was a smart guy. He'd figure it out for himself.
*~*~*~*~*
"JC, what'd you say to Lance?" Chris asked.
"I, um, nothing," JC said. He thought he'd regained coherency, but apparently not. "I told him I had to go to the bathroom."
Chris rolled his eyes. "Yeah, okay, before that."
"Nothing," JC said, "I just, I just told him that I'd, you weren't talking to me, and I fixed it because, you know, you fall for stupid stuff, and then I left. Um, why? Did he, is something wrong?
"Well, not really. I mean, you know, I just said something about how, you know, what I was thinking, about him, and I was sort of kidding, and--"
"Incoherency is contagious," JC said, and grinned.
"Shut up, asswipe. Maybe if we didn't all catch it from you, we'd be--"
"Okay, so yours is curable, I suppose," JC said. "Carry on."
"Anyway," Chris said, "and he kind of said, you know, 'love is a porch swing on a Sunday morning.' Like, what the fuck, man?"
JC shrugged. "I guess he meant--"
"I know what he meant. Just, why did he say that?"
JC shrugged. "Maybe he's, you know, trying it out. Seeing if, you know, you mean it."
Chris frowned. "Like a test?"
"Um, maybe," JC said. "Maybe he's just messing with you. Who knows. Maybe, talk to him, and see?"
"Maybe," Chris said.
"Yeah," JC said. "Oh, so," he pulled a few pieces of paper out of his pocket. "I thought, you might want this."
Chris took it. "What the--"
"Read it," JC said.
"'Times Chris has been caught staring at--' JC, you asshole, you seriously need a hobby, or some therapy, I can't believe you--how many are there?"
"Um," JC said, "maybe, a lot. And, you know, that's a few days before the end of the tour. And, yeah. I just, you know. Thought of maybe making tallies for when you, um. Okay." He jumped up and started to leave the room. He really didn't need to be in more trouble with Chris.
"Where are you going?"
"Um," JC said, "I forgot, I have to go to the bathroom."
*~*~*~*~*
JC woke up on Sunday to the sounds of hammering and thumping, with the occasional grunt. He looked out the window to see what looked like Chris' leg sticking off the porch. He wandered downstairs to find Lance drinking coffee and reading the newspaper. "What's going on outside?"
Lance shrugged, not looking up. "I'm not allowed to go see," he said, rolling his eyes. "You probably can, though. And I think I can guess."
JC shrugged and wandered outside. He grinned at the sight he saw. Chris was fighting with a chain on a swing, his tongue poking out of his mouth. Handyman he wasn't, but he was giving it a go. JC was impressed. "This for Lance?" he asked.
His voice startled Chris and he dropped the whole thing on his foot. He jumped with a howl. "Jesus, C, some warning, next time? Holy shit, man."
JC hid his smile. "Sorry."
"Yeah, I bet you're sorry. Motherfucking ow."
"So what are you doing?"
"You mean, you know, besides losing all my toes thanks to nosy bandmates that creep up on a guy so quietly they should be hung? What's it look like, I'm putting up this damn swing for that guy in there."
"That guy?" JC asked, bemused.
"Shut up, asshole," Chris grunted. "If you're going to mock, then go inside."
JC put up his hands in mock surrender. "I'm done, I'm done." He grinned. "Promise."
"Yeah, so. Think it'll work?"
"Hey, sure," JC said. "So I guess you figured out what Lance meant by 'love is a porch swing on a Sunday morning.'"
"Yeah, hey, I guess so, C," Chris said. "It suddenly came to me, in a dream. But I almost had to ask you for help."
"You guys are two of the most sarcastic people ever, you know that?" JC asked. "You really do deserve each other."
"That's the idea," Chris said. "Maybe I'll finish this by tonight."
"I hope so," JC said.
Chris glanced at him. "Yeah?" he asked.
JC shrugged. "I think it'll make you both happy, you know, not just the swing, so yeah, why not. If you need help, let me know. Otherwise, I'll keep that guy in there from peeking out."
"Thanks, C," Chris said, going back to his struggles with the swing.
He didn't even get to the door when he heard another crash, followed by a yelp of pain. He didn't bother looking back.
*~*~*~*~*
"So I suppose Lance knows you really and truly mean it, huh?" JC asked later, once Chris had finished.
"I would hope so," Chris said. "That was a bitch to do."
"Looked like it," JC said sympathetically. "But it was worth it, right?"
Chris shrugged. "He wants a porch swing, why the hell not. It makes the thing look better anyway. Where is he, by the way? Outside?"
"Giving it a test run?" JC suggested. "Don't worry about it, I'll find him and send him in here. Nice job, man."
"Yeah," Chris said, "see, I told you it would work out okay if I did things my way."
JC grinned at him. "Sure," he said, "I'll go find Lance."
*~*~*~*~*
Later that night, JC wandered outside to find Lance sitting on his new porch swing, staring up at the stars. "Hey, buddy," he said. "What's up?"
Lance smiled at him and slid over, an unspoken invitation. "Nothing," he said, "making sure this thing doesn't break."
JC sat down next to him. "He did a pretty good job."
"Yeah," Lance said, "it looks good out here." He laughed. "I guess he meant it."
JC shrugged. "He did."
"After I said that stuff about the swing, I'd wondered if he would take it literally and run with it. Guess he did."
JC laughed. "That's Chris," he said. He looked up. "Who are you looking at?" he asked.
Lance shrugged. "No one," he said.
"I can find the Big Dipper," JC offered.
Lance smiled at him, amused. "Briahna can find the Big Dipper."
JC kicked at his leg. "Bite me," he said. "Any kid unfortunate enough to get a geek like you as a godfather is going to know where the Big Dipper is."
"Hey, wait a minute--"
"No, really, man, because, all the other kids will have godparents that give them, you know, toys and dolls, but your first big gift to Bri is going to be a telescope and we both know it."
Lance looked down at the ground, blushing.
"Ha!" JC said, "I'm so right. You are a geek. But no, really, it's okay. She needs one of us to get her smart stuff. Justin would probably buy her a pony, if Joey wouldn't teach her how to run him down with the poor thing. It's cool, man, it's totally you."
"Yeah, no," Lance said. "So I'm a geek." He looked up at the sky again.
"You're a cool geek," JC said, "a totally different kind of geek." He grinned at him.
Lance smiled back before directing his gaze skyward again. "You think that whole thing was a mistake?"
JC looked at him, surprised. "The space thing? Hell no. I think it's the most amazing thing I've ever seen. What you tried to do? That was just, man, I wish I had your courage. You know it wasn't a mistake. No one thinks so. And, dude, I hope you make it up someday. Just as long as you come down."
"I'd come back down," Lance said.
JC grinned. "Sure," he said. "Physically. Look at those stars, man, they're shining for you. Beautiful. You gotta get up there, see what they're all about."
Lance smiled. "It's not like I'd meet one up close and personal, JC."
JC shrugged. "Close enough. Hey, man, you know, don't sweat the space thing, though. It's fate, man, you're gonna get up. Don't let me hear this mistake stuff again."
Lance gave him a little salute. "Yeah, all right," he said.
JC smiled at him. "You're happy, right?"
"Well yeah, you know. Love is a porch swing."
JC grinned. "On a Sunday. All it took, huh?"
"It's the little things, JC," Lance said. "I didn't need grand sweeping things from him. Just something simple. He could've gone and changed my oil, and I would've been happy with it."
"But you said porch swing."
"Well, yeah," Lance grinned, "I didn't want to put it up."
"Sunday morning?"
Lance shrugged. "I thought it would be fun to see if he'd wake up that early on a Sunday."
JC laughed. "You really are evil, aren't you?"
Lance smirked at him. "Just you watch, I'm going to take over the world someday."
"I have no doubt. But, hey, you know," JC said, grinning slyly, "I think there's a handyman inside the house that'd love to know what you think of his porch swing. And, you know, as long as you keep it down, your guest won't mind it if you want to thank him." He winked, his grin broadening when Lance made a face.
"You are the weirdest guy ever, you know that?"
JC smiled. "Yeah," he said. "Aren't you glad?"
"You know what?" Lance asked, standing up, "yeah, I am. Thanks, JC. I'll talk to you in the morning."
JC nodded at him, glancing up. Sometimes he wondered what it would be like to be up there, and then he realized that was Lance's job. He grinned. "Night, Lance." He'd call the other two and then leave the next day, probably. He didn't need to stick around to see the two of them going at it all the time. They were happy, so he was happy, and that's all he really needed to know from them. Everything was as it should be, and all it really took was a porch swing.
