NOTE: This is probly gonna get really long, so what im gonna do is date it as I write it. Please check back often to see whats been added.
9-22-2005
I have been dressing for about 18yrs now. I have eairly memories of my childhood of triing on my moms clothes and getting in trouble since I was about 5. As I grew up I was always so confused on what to do. I remember going to school and wishing I could look like the girls there. I wanted long hair, and cute outfits that they had. But on same hand I really enjoyed running around and getting dirty and being a little boy. So all this was really hard for me to understand. And of course my parents just yelled at me for wearing womens clothes. So that just made things harder cause I didn't even know why I wore them.
Well around 1989 my parents got divorced and I moved to Utah (shudders) to live with my dad. Well he has never really talked to me about Leah. My dad has always just ingnored it. And I guess to a point I've been ok with that but I would still like to talk about it with him sometime, but I don't see that happening anytime soon.
So as I grew into my teens I began dress much more often and felt the need to be female grow stronger in me. After about 2yrs living in Utah I moved back to colorado with my mom. And this is where Leah began to come to life. I can still remeber a time where she didn't even have a name! And I even remember the girl that I was so jealous of, that inspired me to become Leah. Her name was Leah Fox and she was a beautiful. I was so stunned by her. And I remember going to sleep at night wishing to wake up in the morning as a girl. But sadly it never happened. Or atleast not yet :)
Around the age of 12 or so I asked my mom for a sex change. LOL now this may sound funny or maybe some of you have done the samething. Well her anwser was always a "no" but I asked her many many times too. So after a while of her breaking into my room about 11:30 at night looking for her clothes, she desided to send me to a "quack." Now this was back in the eairly 90's and there were not to many transgendered doctors. And I now know from looking back that this guy had no idea what to do with me. He was just sucking money out of my mom. But my mom soon figured out that was the case on her own, cause I wasn't stopping my dressing habbits.
Well she eventuly kinda sorta gave in. I still remeber the day that she bought me my first pair of stockings! But this was short lived as I'm sure one of her "friends" told her not to incurage me by buying me things. But to me it was a start. But as time went on after this she soon became very nasty toward me about Leah. But most of this was because she was very depressed, and was having panic attacks, and doctors didn't know how to help her. This was a very hard time for her and my self. Now dont forget that I also have a younger brother too.
Now even in my teens I did things like shaving my legs, painting my toe nails, things like that. Most of the time it was so scarry tho, cause I didn't want anyone to find out about Leah, but I wanted to be a girl so bad that if anybody found out, I knew I would just start being her right away. Now I look back on that and kinda wish I had been found out, I think that I would be living as a girl now and wouldn't be wishing that the male features that I worked on in my high school yrs for football team and ski team that I'm still fighting today even. Now don't get me wrong I enjoyed those things as a kid, but now I feel I would have been much happier had I started being a girl back then instead of now.