When we came back to school, I started attending Ebony meetings. I was never the only white person there, but I always felt out of place. I felt like I was intruding and was very uncomfortable. I stopped attending meetings at the end of the fall semester. It took me until the end of this past semester to realize that it was my privilege to stop going. People of color may feel uncomfortable everyday at Southwestern, but they do not have the choice of quitting. I was disappointed with myself but still do not feel that Ebony is the place for me. Most of my activism has been on the personal level. I speak up in class about oppression or privilege when I see it. It�s given me a richer understanding of literature in my English courses. Learning about my privilege as a white person has helped me to understand other privileges I own and also the ways that I�m oppressed. I think that I�ve actually become somewhat of a feminist; a label that always had a bad connotation for me. I�m trying very hard to own my privileges as a straight person and as a Christian. I�ve realized how I�m oppressed within Christian culture as a Catholic Christian. This has helped me identify more with people from religions other than Christianity. Pretty much, I�ve become a person I never thought I would. I use words like privilege and oppression, I participated in a protest and walkout, I attended a conference on white privilege. People like me used to annoy me, but now I can�t imagine myself any other way. I have big expectations for the future, but I don�t quite know what they are yet. I�d like to find a way to keep my weed identity (hehe) a constant consciousness. I want to continue to educate myself through reading, movies, talking to people, attending lectures and conferences. I want to continue to talk to people about what I�ve learned and learn how to be more effective in my communication about this subject. Really, what I want to do is change the world. I guess I�m somewhat of an idealist. :O) Of course when you set out to change the world, you have to start out small. Sarah and I are currently working on a plan to start an organization at SU for White anti-racists. I think we have different ideas of what it will be like, but whatever it turns out to be I know it�ll create controversy and through that controversy a lot of growth for me, for Sarah, and for the campus. At the very least, I hope that we get people thinking: why are these crazy white people coming together to talk about racism? I�d say that�s my biggest plan for the moment. After visiting Massachusetts in April, I�ve thought more about doing something related to social justice as a career of sorts. It was just so nice to be with other people who have been doing the work for years and people like me who are just starting out. There is a history there that I�d never seen before that weekend. It gave me a sense of comfort; I know that I�m not alone. But at the same time it realized what a long road we have in front of us. There were people there who have been anti-racists for decades, but the world is still in the state that it�s in. This work is not for the faint of heart. I just hope I�m strong enough to even start. So, how would I define myself a year after the project? I�m a white, heterosexual, middle-class, Catholic Christian, strong, intelligent woman who accepts who she is but realizes that she will always be a work in progress. I know that I will constantly be growing and changing. The most important thing I�ve learned is that growth is essential to my life, and growth only comes about with risk, uneasiness, maybe a little fear, and a lot of hard work. |
| Fleming Growth: One Year Later Cont. |
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