By
Daniel Monaco
Bridge Staff
A first year student was found dead inside of the
Caldwell building, he apparently died of a massive brain aneurysm caused by
trying to figure out where his next class was being held. The student supposedly
died on a Friday, but his body was not found until Tuesday after another student
finally complained about a bad smell that was not coming from the bathrooms.
A Lewis and Clark representative claimed that he was
saddened but not surprised by the tragedy. He said, “It was really just a
matter of time before the building killed again.” He added, “Most people do
not remember this but a few years ago some soccer players got lost after making
a wrong turn outside the book store and they were forced to resort to
cannibalism in order to survive, it was terrible!”
When asked what could be done about the problem the
representative merely shook his head and responded, “Make sure you have plenty
of supplies before trying to get to English 132.”
The incident only escalates the debate that the
administration designed the building to be confusing on purpose. “Why don’t
they just knock down a couple of walls? Would it really be that hard to change
the floor plan a little?” one student said when he was asked what he thought
of the building.
At the urging of the student body, The Bridge recently
sent out a team of reporters to investigate the Caldwell building, but has yet
to hear back from any of them. They were pronounced missing and a search party
was hastily assembled after the Editor in Chief, Amy Porter, pointed out that
all of the missing reporters have deadlines coming up, and she was not in the
mood for of the “run around crap” they normally pull.