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| Tremor Tales page 17 |
| Feudin' E Ters There are two E T'ers who like to feud. One's a motorcyclist, One's a psychologist. The cyclist challenged the 'chologist To a motorcycle race for a 10 buck prize. Now, the 'chologist never before did ride, So he psyched another to take his place, And to wear a helmet to hide his face. By just two seconds the stand-in won, Then quickly his helmet the 'cologist donned. The steaming motorcyclist did not see this, As he strode over to the psychologist. "I don't know how you beat me, But sure as shootin' it was freaky That a brain picker like you could...man, It ain't natural!" The psychologist's sham Was not admitted, but to make things even, He gave the cyclist a free brain pickin'. |
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| Liberated From Tremors "What's ailin' you? You dyin' for a drink?!" The host blurted as tea slopped in a blink From my cup the moment I grasped it. Oh to turn invisible, I silently wished. "Sir, my shakes are a neuro disorder. Take care when judging another. I don't recommend drinking alcohol, But it does certainly decrease tremblin'. Sounds it's something you condemn." His face twisted twixt anger and shame, For he had only himself to blame. He apologized and whispered in my ear, "Would you like some vodka, or beer?" I keep a private stash for some parties. Choose vodka, you can't smell it in tea." I managed to keep my surprise hidden And had two swigs with him in his kitchen. We then rejoined the other partiers. And fun I had, liberated from tremors. |
| Tendonitis Society Spending money always makes me nervous, Which turns my shaky hands into shaky wrecks. Because of this, I feigned tendonitis To keep from having to fill out my check For the down payment on a brand new truck. Wearing on my elbows phony support cuffs, I moaned to the truck salesman, "My pain Is great, I cannot do more than sign my name." Falling for my bluff, this most helpful clerk Took care of my check and all paperwork. Upon them I scribbled my signature, Then off I drove, triumphant entrepreneur. I now, for all you folks with E T, Have a club called Tendonitis Society. If you'd like to join, bring elbow cuffs And the smarts to learn just how to bluff. I'll teach you all you need to know, with luck, As long as you pay off my brand new truck. |
| Sails Unfurled In heart and mind, their sails unfurled, I soar above this globe called Earth; A vagabond whom when lands desired I find, sojourn on each but awhile. And when the time comes to furl These sails for swathing what within me ails, I'll think on them till healing is found And my whole is free to soar unbound. |
| When Nobody's Lookin' Enjoy your meals all you who tremble, For your shaking will serve you well In burning off most calories you're eatin'. Just think, no blubber you'll be gainin'! And if, while eatin', you're not always able To get all food into that hole above your chin Without spilling some onto the table, Just brush it to the floor when nobody's lookin'. |
| What Rattles? Oh great, I've got a problem passenger Just as my tremor pill is wearing off. "I demand you stop hitting currents of air That cause the plane to rattle!" he huffs, As he pushes his way into the cockpit. "Sir," I say. "Currents are a common event I can't avoid." Suddenly, his eyes Bulge as he spots my resumed tremors. "You're scared!" he blurts. "We're gonna die!" "No, no," I say. "We're flying fine, sir." "Then why're you shaking? You a boozer pilot?!" I hold back my urge to slug him and calmly Swallow a tremor pill on the spot. "Nope," I say. "Just hooked on flying steady." His puzzled look prompts a pill offer from me, And five minutes after he swallows it, I query, "Still bothered by the plane's noisy rattles?" "Huh?" he grunts, grinning, "What rattles?" My pill had steadied my hindering ET; His set him ignoring the rattles grandly. |
| Erroneous Presumption The officer suspiciously eyed me sitting Behind the steering wheel, worsening my tremor. And he presumed it caused by drinking. "Lady, get out of the car," he ordered. "A ticket for a broken taillight, plus jail." "Give me a breathalizer test!" I wailed. "Your shaking proves that you're drunk, Which has earned you your present funk." By then, I was near cardiac arrest. Again I wailed, "Breathalyser test!" Frustrated, he growled, "Alright! Relax!" It showed me sober, and he asked, "Why the shaking?" "I've E T." And this I proved with my doctor's note of diagnosis. "Okay. Just a ticket then for the taillight." He was the second cop to stop me that night, But the first whom, with erroneous presumption, Said my tremor caused by alcohol consumption. |
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