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| Tremor Tales page 18 |
| Champion Of All Jammers Second lap and this jammer had points to score. Adrenaline shot through my veins as I skated Towards the three opposing team blockers. And their pivot commanded they close ranks Without one glance back as I closed in. I swear, she must have eyes in the back of her head. I fought to push through, like a roller derby tank, Failed and the two-minute lap ended with my team Behind in score. I saw then that the tremors In my legs were jiggling the wheels of my skates And causing them to rumble like no others'. The pivot had heard it and warned her teammates. "That's it for me," I told my team in despair, But they refused to call in a replacement. While we skated, they forced their legs to tremor And their wheels rumbled, circumventing Our rivals knowing which of us would jam them. By using their confusion, we scored high and won. My teammates then cheered my leg tremors, And proclaimed me champion of all jammers. |
| Twitching Pariah There I was, a diligent employee Of the sub shop knifing through a customer's Sub sandwich, when magically The knife leaped from my hand into the air And flew only inches past his head bone. Alarmed, he yelped, "You almost killed me!" And I blurted, "The knife took off on its own!" "Yeah, right. You're some kind of psychopath." He jerked 'round then and left with no sandwich. The other patrons eyed me with wrath. "Ah," I stammered. "Just a crazy knife glitch." My boss didn't buy it, and shoved me out the exit. "Boss! It was a slight essential tremor twitch!" "Twitch! They're not benign like you said. You're fired!" "The knife missed him! And they are. I'm no liar." Still, off I went, a tremor twitching pariah Banned from all sub shops in the area. Turns out though that my essential tremors Work well in a sub sandwich factory. When their twitches fling meat all over, Co-workers point to their mouths and shout, "Hit me!" |
| One Buck Richer After the girls passed me by, one looked back And said, "Look, he's drunk as a skunk." Yes, I had stumbled on the sidewalk crack, And weaved like under booze influence, But I hadn't paid to have this happen. It came free with my essential tremor, And without the odor one gets from drinking. Hoping to set her straight, I walked up to her And she became afraid, got ready to run. Such dumb fear so irked me I slurringly teased, "Hey, cutie, can you spare a dollar, just one?" And with disdain she cried, "Drunk! Away from me!" "Miss!" I snapped, dropping the slur, and real clear, "Not all who stumble and weave are drunken bums, But have a neurological disorder." "Hmmp!" she sneered. "Not you. You're certainly one." Since no way would she admit she was wrong, I forced a hiccup and slurred, "Sweetie, got that dollar?" And she threw me one. "Thanks, missy. So long." Hadn't set her straight, but I left one buck richer. |
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| Little Gift As I opened the box, small and beautiful, He looked at me pensively and said, "All over the world I traveled To get my love for you out of my head. I saw the Hanging Gardens of Babylon, The Colossus of Rhodes, And thoughts of you were foregone. Ah but there stood a stand along a road Near the last hotel in which I stayed. Lost among its trinkets of gold Lay this little gift that you now hold, And thoughts of you swept in with love delayed." As I caressed what had sent him back to me, My self-esteem rose and I was enthralled That such as this awakened his love memory. "Thank goodness," I whispered, "for Bobble Head dolls." |
| Risky Shears His hair was long on the top of his ears, For he'd let it grow for years and years. It flowed in waves down to his shoulders, Hair he used for his head's bald spot cover. But because from his scalp it always slipped, He said scissor it. I did. And his ears I nipped, All while he yelped out in pain. "Are you wearing your glasses?" he complained. "Yes, I am. Don't you know that scissors Are dangerous in my shaky hands? Now clippers, I cut well with clippers, better than barbers. Next time I'll use them to avoid more nippin'. Sorry for your pain and lost chunks of skin." Cutting finished, he said, "The nips were not Fun, and I've no more hairs to hide bald spots, But thank you, hon, now take those shears And bury them out of respect for my ears." |
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