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| Tremor Tales page 9 |
| The Sound Of My E Ts Though I lie here dieing in the desert heat, With swollen tongue and blistered feet, My E Ts keep going unfettered by the sun That's determined to roast me until I'm done. One day they will find me here all alone By the sound of my E Ts rattling my bones. |
| Two Desperadoes It was hot and dusty-dry in town that day At high noon when the two desperadoes Rode in on horses from opposite ends. Fear filled the air as townsfolk scrambled for Cover. The two gunmen dismounted And stared down eachother, their Unshaven faces a cruel and sneering blend. On the fast count of three, they whipped Out their guns, shot at one another And missed by a wide margin. "Hah!" shouted one. "I see that you, too, Got bit by tremors. Looks like our gunslinging Days are now over. Barkeep! Bring us Each a beer and a straw. We're gonna Drink as new citizens of the law." |
| Just too tired I'm a teacher of wild fifth graders Who like to pull tricks on me. Along with them I deal with tremors, Which I medicate with mysoline. It makes me sleepy, my vision a blur. Just now, I sat on my chair And a tack stabbed my rear, But I'm just too tired to move over. Gonna take a nap, then force the tacker To do all his classmates' homework. |
| E T Unique Afflicted that's me as you can see. My heads shakes, my arms and legs, too. I can't speak why the shakes came to me, For my speech is broken vibrato. Guess I'll wear a sign with neon lights That spell, E T Unique. They'll flicker With each shake of my bod so brightly All will be thrilled who once did snicker, Or made fun of my tremors, And my attention they all will seek. Then I'll switch on these words to ponder: Don't you wish you were E T unique? |
| The Sneeze So close, just four steps to the fridge to Freeze the water I held level in the ice cube tray. Eighty percent to my destination, Barely steady, but with relaxed concentration. Victory at hand. Then It struck. The Sneeze. Try as I might to hold it back, I could not. And from the very depths of my sinuses It broke free. It's overwhelming force Tore from my nostrils and wrenched the lot Of my very being from head to foot. Water spewed from the tray and soaked My shirt, the floor, even my cat, Tonto. Then it was gone, leaving in its wake dire Ruin. And Tonto shrieking as though on fire. Naught could be done but to mop the floor. Would The Sneeze return? Maybe. I didn't care. After all that work mopping, I'd tossed the tray. Who needs ice cubes anyway? |
| No-no Head Tremors I told him again, "Darling, I love you." Still he wouldn't believe. He called me a liar. And he asked if I thought him a fool. He confused me so. Why didn't he see my Desire? I loved him, but couldn't convince him. He walked away leaving me in tears. I looked In a mirror to wipe them away, and I saw His doubts' reason; my no-no head tremor. I ran to him and told him of my essential Tremor, how it makes my head shake. "Oh darling," he said, I wasn't aware. I do Love you so." We're married now. I've joy, No more thought to my tremor for he knows I love him though my head no-no quivers. |
| A Style now In I'm a guy who likes his hair short and neat, So I told the barber, "An all over trim," Though I feared he wouldn't be up to the feat Of trimming the hair on a shaking noggin. Only moments into cutting he said, "Sir, Please stop moving your head." Of course I was sitting stiff as a board. "Just do your Best," I said. "Its shaking won't stop on my Accord." Often, as he cut, he muttered, "Oops, messed." And when he was done he Wouldn't look at me. As I paid him he timidly Said, "Chopped hair's a style now in." And I Dreaded to see the trim he'd given me. I looked Into a mirror and saw I'd bald spots galore. No more trims, I vowed, let it grow to the floor. |
| Last Night's Guest Spots of blood everywhere. On my dresser, on my chair. I should have known that a tremorer Should not clip nails on digits, ever. Nor razor off hair wherever it grows. Not on legs, on face, not even nose. Upon my legs my razor did leave Patterns no tattoist could achieve. From now on my teeth will trim nails, and My electric razor will mow hair trails. But first I must clean up this mess, Before Dracula's thought last night's guest. |
| Put Us In The Clink "You can't believe her, she's a liar's fan," I heard them whisper in the ladies' can. Why they said that I did not know, And hearing it was quite a blow. I would have asked but had no time, I had to get to a conference on crime. In the middle of my talk against it One stood and said, "You lying twit! There! See, she's nodding yes. Call the guard to put her under arrest." When he arrived, nodding his head, My accuser pointed at me and he said, "What crime did she commit?" "She says no, but nods yes. Cuff her quick!" "But if I did, I'd have to arrest me, For I've yes tremors, too, as you see." "Yes tremors? How stupid of me." He grinned at me then, and said with a wink, "No shakin's gonna put us in the clink." |
| Right Into The Loo Once home, to the loo I had to go. Since tremors plague my legs through, Down the stairs I rode my stair-glide. Mom came along walking close by my side. When we reached bottom she took my arm And helped me off the glide, only to be Alarmed when my feet began to dance the Essential tremor hop. They danced me two Steps forward, then four steps back. With The loo a fading stop mom, nobody's fool And small in stature, knew she'd not the Strength to carry me there. She turned me 'Round and said, "Head for the Living Room." And backwards I hopped, right into the loo. |
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