MORNING! hee hee.. for the first time i woke up so differently i looked at my self and i feel as if i am skinny and than when i went to the rest room i saw this person that just looked beautiful. and all this time i never thought about him. like i'm different now i dont know when this happened but its too weird like this person isnt who i thought and this person might be sumthing more than id like to believe. WEll i know hes there i just dont want to believe that he is because he might noe be so real. I'm still confused because all this is going so fast i can barly understand at what point i am in. ..
When your lips are buring mine
and you take the time to tell me how your feel
when you listen to my words
and i know you've heard, i know its real...
when you looked into my eyes
and you said goodbye could you see my tears
when i turned the other way
Did you hear me say
I'd wait for all the dark clouds bursting in a perfect sky
you promised me when you said goodbye..
I;m so sad. that i'm crying right now. because she wont talk to me and she acts like i'm not there. I said sorry and i say thanks for everything and i mean it down inside and i dont know what else she wants me to do and i dont know how long i can take this. I dont know how long i can pretend to be okay when i'm not. I dont know how long i can not be with sum one that i care so much about. and i dont know how long i can live. i cant do anything. I cant eat.. i cant sleep.. i dont even do anything in class because i'm so sad. I've lost 8 pounds since she hasnt talked to me. and i will just loosing more because theres no use to live. RIght now i feel so sad and so bertrayed and she cant forgive me. I dont know what else to do. I dont think she realli knows how much its hurting me. If she just talks to me like the way we always do all forget about this whole thing. and i'm just waiting and everyday its just killing me and i dont know what else to do.
Sometimes i dont realize how the one person that is important to me who i thought was so beautiful, smart, caring, nice, having many friends like her, was also being hated by so many people, being only liked cuz of her body, hated cuz of her attitude,.. sigh and at a time where im mad at her, i cant help but to stop to feel symphatic to her and how i felt sorry, because i never knew. I just dont understand well i can but i guess u have to go past of all that too see the real person i c who i am friends with. Vincent your so good to me. I know you would give me the whole world if u wanted, but what if the thing i wanted was the thing thats infront of me and the thing that i have, but i dont think he realize thats all i want. smiles*
I had a good day. I hanged out with Vincent. smiles we went to the park.. than talked than went back to his casa and just hanged out. and iw ould be happy and i am and i try but i cant because it feels like the only person that would make me happy to feel happy is the only one who isnt. The only one whose mad at me. Who fakes a face at me, who laughs, smiles, infront of me while ignoring me. Its the one person that i care so much, that means the world to me more than Vincent. Because its the one person that i would pick before him. even though i do care for him dearly this one person means more. If only she would forgive me. But her heart has turn to stone and i guess one thing can really kill a friendship. I gave her time.. and i would give her all the time.. if one day she came back and said \we were friends.. because my life is falling apart and no lies can hide the saddness and fears of lossing the one thing that makes me want to live each day. though i doubt she even knows it.
OKAY CANDICE i hope u are reading this because if i havent told u at school or in person well i hope u get this. I JUST READ YOUR JOURNAL THING. okay listen i said i was sorry about that friday and i meant it and serioulsy i did not feel i was lying to u because i felt u knew about megan and sharon.. because i only said that so we can get the facts strait to give to my aunt. i never knew that u didnt know. so I"M SORRY.. and dont start getting mad at me okay like u werent apart of this.. after that friday i felt so bad u dont even know and like i only went to andys because he helped me on my spanish and than we would talk about how i'm so sad that my best frirend and my other friends arent talking to me and i hated hanging out with u guys like that.. like now so i hanged out with andy. and i wanted to talk to you last week about whats wrongs because all a sudden after we have been friends out of nowhere u have suddenly ignore me again but i ask my self why bother because shes already ignoring me ... so whats the use of trying to talk to her if shes not even lisatening or tlaking.. an when your mom came and gave me that talk i was realiveed U KNOW WHY!!!.. because i had to FUCKING IDEAD HOW U FELT.. u never tell me shit how u are felling when u are MAD OR ANGRY u ignore me.. yea okay thanks i'm suppose to know.. and when your mom said how u didn thave a friend in granda and how ssad u were and how u thought that andy was a better friend and i was lying i cried because i didnt know.. and on MONDAY TODAY i was telling u sorry and how i didnt know about anything and after i told u about that lying stuff i couldnt tell u the rest ebcause u gave me that..." olay... look like u dontcare so why bother and today even though u talked alittle u and frita seems to be ignoring me so why bother.. and i dont know how much time i can do this anymore not talking to u because i have just about had it... I'm sick of tired of u asuuming that i would go to guys that if they say they like me i like them.. okay well i guess u didnt know this but i think u like john and i think u are falling forhim and i think that he dosent deserve u and u probbaly wont listen but john says those things but seriouly he says that to everytone.. HE TELLS ME HE LOVES ME ALL THE TIME.. he calls me babe. sexy.. whatever u wnat to know and hes good to talk too.. but u dont see me loving him and falling for him after he tells me that because hes just a friend hes not the type of guy i could like.. OKAY and hes not bf material and he knows it.. so i prove u wrong that i dotn fall for EVERY guy that tells me that.. and i'm sorry if it seems that i am only with them to want to be with sumone but i really like andy andi know i said i wouldnt lie and ye a i wont cuz now i'll telll u if i'm with andy to make sure u know because it seems u dont... so yea.. I HOPE U DONT REALLI FEEL THE SAME WAY ABOUT ME NOT WANTING TO BE YOUR FRIEND BECQAUSE u probably dont realize how fucking miserable i am not talking to u and how even if u ignored me and was mad at me and everyone hated u candice.. i was still your friend .. but u probably dont believe me.
haa haa me candice, andy and my sis unfortunatly had fun dont know how or why but yea.. how weird is that. laa laa.. anyways. ta da
mad at andy to the point i dont even want to talk to u... arrgh.. i know its stupid to be mad at him for it but whatever i am.. and well u know i'm not the type to stay mad ...but i take ___________.. so yea.. HATE U ANDY.. IF YOU ARE READING THIS HATE U SOO MUCH AND SUPER MAD AT U RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!