| Blue Christmas |
| Christmas 2004. I was thinking about writing a second Christmas challenge story for Lee/Chip. It only seemed fair. Then I got word from my best friend that her mother had passed away, and I started thinking about the holidays without a loved one, and this is what came out Can't you just hear Elvis singing in the background? |
| It had been a rough year for Seaview's XO. In August, his parents and younger brother had been killed in an auto accident while on vacation. Chip was supposed to have been there with them; it was only because Seaview was delayed returning to her home base in Santa Barbara on a mission that had made him miss his flight to join them. Suddenly, the young man who had always been close to his family lost them all in one horrific moment. From the moment when he had been summoned to the Admiral's office to be told the news through the funeral, his stoic mask held. He would not cry in public. Nelson and Captain Crane had personally escorted him home for the funeral, standing behind him in full dress uniform. Their mere physical presence helped him hold it together. After the funeral, the Admiral had had to return to Santa Barbara. But Lee had stayed with him. The two had been best friends since their days as roommates at the Naval Academy in Annapolis. Lee felt the loss almost as keenly as Chip did. The night of the funeral, they had returned to the hotel room they were sharing; there were far too many memories in his parents' house for Chip to be able to stay there just yet. Exhausted, the blond man had fallen into a deep sleep. Lee watched him for a while, concerned, before finally turning out the light and crawling into the other bed. About 2AM, Chip had wakened, and now alone in the dark, the tears finally came. He was so wrapped up in his misery that he didn't even hear his roommate slip out of bed. He was surprised when he felt his own bed shift under the weight of another body. The next thing he knew, long arms pulled him close. "It's all right, Chip. Let it out. It's only me." Lee's voice whispered in his ear as he gently caressed his friend's hair. Too far gone to stop now, Chip abandoned himself to his friend's embrace, sobbing into the welcoming shoulder. Lee held him, rocking gently, murmuring soft reassurances, until finally Chip cried himself to sleep. He never even noticed the tears Lee cried with him. Or the gentle kiss on his forehead as Lee settled him back down. When he had awakened the next morning, Lee had already been in the shower. He had a vague recollection of a comforting presence beside him during the night, but he wasn't sure if it had been real or if he had dreamed it. Lee had never mentioned the incident. Over the following months, the two friends had been nearly inseparable. Life had gotten almost back to normal. But as the holidays approached, Chip seemed to withdraw, becoming distant. Lee was getting worried. Chip had always spent Thanksgiving and Christmas with his family whenever possible. Lee knew this time of year would be full of bittersweet memories. He wanted to help his friend, but this time Chip didn't seem to want to let him. By Christmas Eve, Lee was very worried. Ever since Seaview docked at the beginning of the week, Chip had been holed up in his apartment. Lee hadn't been able to coax him out to dinner or even to get drunk. Knowing that his friend needed to build some new Christmas traditions, he decided on the direct approach. He managed to find a small artificial tree, a few ornaments, some garland. He carefully wrapped the gift he'd bought, and added a really good bottle of whiskey to the pile. After playing Santa at the Institute's Christmas party, he'd helped himself to the big red Santa Sack, which he proceeded to fill with the items he'd gathered. Parking the Santa Hat on his head, he headed out to Chip's apartment. He was rather surprised when Chip actually answered the doorbell, but decided to take the opportunity while he had it. With a hearty "Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas!" he blustered his way into the small apartment. Without giving Chip an opportunity to object, he fished the tree out of the sack and set it up on the small end table beside the couch. Chip had an odd, pained expression on his face which Lee pointedly ignored. "Lee, what the hell are you doing? I told you, I'm not celebrating Christmas this year!" "Yes you are � you love Christmas more than just about anybody else I know. I won't let you lose that!" Morton's anger started to bubble over. "Why not � I've lost everything else?" There was something in his voice that caught Lee's attention. Compassion filled his eyes as he reached to touch his friend's shoulder. "Chip, that's not true, and you know it. You still have me �" He wasn't expecting the violent response as Chip pulled away from him, stalking across the small living room to stare out the window. Now he was really worried. "Chip! What the hell is wrong with you? Why won't you talk to me?" The blond head bowed, his words barely a whisper. "Because if I tell you, I will lose you too �" Lee was confused. Chip was his best friend, there was nothing in the world the man could tell him that would push him away. But how to convince HIM of that? "Chip, I promise, you won't. Please, tell me. What's wrong?" Morton turned around slowly, regarding the dark haired man with an infinite sadness in his eyes. He knew Lee wasn't going to let this go. He'd thought about coming up with some lie, but nothing even remotely plausible had come to his mind. Ever since the accident, he'd come to realize that Lee was like family to him, the only family he had left now. He couldn't stand the thought of losing that, but he just couldn't see any other way out now. Putting off the inevitable, he walked over to the kitchen and pulled a bottle of whiskey and a glass out. He poured himself a stiff shot and knocked it back, then refilled the glass. Crane had perched on the arm of the sofa, watching him with concerned eyes. Finally Chip came back into the living room, sitting on the opposite end of the sofa. When he looked up at Lee, there was something needy in his eyes, as if he were looking at something he wanted desperately but couldn't have. He took a deep breath and started talking. "I keep thinking about it, Lee. We've never discussed it, I figured you didn't want to. But I've never stopped thinking about it �" Crane was confused. "About what, Chip? Have I done something to hurt you? I swear I never intended �" A rough bark of a laugh escaped the blond's lips. "You don't even know, do you? You probably don't even remember what you did to me." Suddenly his anger turned into sorrow. "No. That's not fair. It's not your fault, Lee, it's mine. You couldn't know how I'd react �'cause I never told you. Or anybody." "Told me what, Chip? What's this all about?" Morton downed the rest of his whiskey; on his empty stomach, he was already starting to feel the effects. // might as well get it over with // "The night of the funeral. You were there with me. When I lost it �" Now that he had a clue, the details of that night came rushing back to Lee. How he had crawled into his friend's bed, offering comfort in those dark hours of the night. It had been a difficult day for both of them, and Lee had taken almost as much comfort as he had given. And if he admitted the truth to himself, it was one of his most cherished memories. "Of course I was, Chip. Why wouldn't I be? That's what friends are for, isn't it?" Another bitter laugh. "Friends. Of course. That's all you meant. But that's not all it was to me �" He looked up into confused hazel eyes. "Oh, hell, Lee. I can't lie anymore, can't hide anymore. I'm gay. I fought the realization for a long time, then hid it from everybody, even myself. I knew it would kill Mom if she ever found out, and being in the Navy, I sure as hell wasn't going to do anything about it. So I buried it deep and forgot about it. Until you crawled into my bed and made me want something I can never have �" Lee sat there, shocked. Chip took his silence for rejection. He got up and went into the kitchen to pour some more whiskey. He was stumbling slightly as he came back into the living room. "So now that you know, I presume you'll be wanting my resignation. So you see, I have lost everything now. My family � my one true friend � my career �" Once again, tears poured down his face. It was enough to galvanize the frozen man on the couch. Lee stood, catching Chip halfway across the room, his hands gripping his friend's upper arms. "Chip, no! You can't think I'd let this come between us?" Watery blue eyes gazed at him. "You still don't get it, do you? It's bad enough you know I'm gay, Lee. But it's YOU I want! Even now, it's so hard not to touch you! I want to feel your arms around me again, and not just for comfort. I � I love you, Lee." His expression made it seem like the world's greatest tragedy. Crane felt something deep inside his heart melt at those words. He made a decision, reaching out to brush away some of the tears. "Chip? It � it's all right. I'm not running away, you haven't lost me. I swear." Morton shook his head. "I don't think I can live with it, Lee. Not now �" The words just wouldn't come, so instead Lee let his hand wrap around Chip's neck, holding him as he leaned in to kiss the trembling lips. Now it was Morton's turn to be shocked. As they separated, he looked deep into Lee's eyes, trying to read what he saw there. "Lee? What �?" The Captain blushed; his body's response to that kiss had been unexpectedly intense. "I guess I've always been kind of curious about what it would be like with another man. Not enough to go out of my way looking for it. But with someone I know, someone I � someone I trust � " Chip shook his head, pulling away. "No, Lee. I don't want your pity." Crane knew he was making a mess of this. "Chip, please. It's not that. I've remembered that night too � I've been thinking about this ever since then. But I didn't want to risk our friendship." There was a sincerity in his voice which commanded Chip's attention. Red-rimmed blue eyes met fearful hazel ones. "Lee? You're serious?" Crane nodded. "I really wasn't sure if it was what I wanted until I kissed you. Now I'm sure." Hope began to break through the fear and alcohol clouding Chip's mind. Hesitantly, he stepped forward, reaching out to touch his friend's cheek. "Lee?" Crane smiled softly and pulled his friend into his arms, holding him close. "It's ok, Chip. We'll sort through this. I won't say I'm not nervous, but with you I know I'll be ok." Feeling Chip's body pressed against his was triggering that reaction again, an combination of intense arousal with a deep, almost heart-wrenching affection. He pulled back just a little, enough to capture Chip's chin and tilt his face up for another kiss. By the time they separated, both were feeling decidedly weak-kneed and breathless. Lee pulled Chip toward the couch. "Wow!" Morton gasped softly as he leaned against Crane. Lee's arm circled his shoulders. The physical contact was more intoxicating that the alcohol he had drunk earlier. He was aroused and happy and a little scared; on top of the alcohol, it left him almost giddy. Lee chuckled at Chip's reaction. "Yeah, I'll second that." For a while, neither of them wanted to move; they just felt so comfortable together. Finally, Lee leaned over and gently kissed his temple. "How about we finish decorating your tree? It is Christmas Eve � you gotta have a tree if you want Santa to leave you any presents!" Chip had to admit he was glad for the diversion. As much as he wanted Lee, he wasn't real sure about how to proceed. Together they trimmed the little tree. It wasn't quite as pathetic looking as the one from "A Charlie Brown Christmas" but it came close. But what did you expect for a last minute purchase Christmas Eve? And besides, it was theirs. It was beautiful. When they finished, they sat back admiring their work. Lee reached into the sack and drew out the bottle he'd brought. "I thought I might need to get you drunk tonight." Chip giggled. "Seem to have done well enough on my own." Lee laughed. "I think you can handle one more." He got up and got himself a glass, then poured for both of them. "Merry Christmas, Chip." Morton smiled as he clinked his glass with Lee's. "Merry Christmas, Lee." He took a small sip, then raised his glass again, his face suddenly serious. "To my family � those gone, and especially the one who's here." Again, his words touched Lee's heart. He couldn't speak, so instead he raised his glass in salute and drank. When he found his voice again, he spoke. "That reminds me �" He reached into the sack one last time and withdrew the present, handing it to a very embarrassed Chip. "Uh, Lee, I didn't get you anything �" Lee smiled. "Just open it, will you?" He'd been unsure earlier how the gift would be received, but now he realized it was perfect. As Chip pulled away the shiny green paper, he found a photograph, beautifully matted and framed. It was a candid shot of him with his mother and brother from a Christmas a couple of years ago. They had been clowning around the piano, his mother playing and he and Davey were singing intentionally off-pitch. Lee had gone home with him that year, and as usual brought his camera. The Captain was quite an accomplished photographer, and had captured the moment perfectly. You could almost hear the voices. Chip felt his throat closing up as the tears stung at his eyes. But this time the pain of loss was muted by the joy of the memory. He swallowed hard, trying to clear his throat. "Lee? I've never seen this one!" Lee smiled. "Yeah, I know. That roll of film got put aside and never developed. I found it a month ago. There are more, but there was something special about this one �" Chip just nodded, then looked up at Lee as a single tear spilled over. "Thank you �" Lee reached out and brushed the tear away. "We'll make new memories, Chip." Morton nodded. "I know. We've already started �" Lee smiled and pulled him close again, capturing his lips. This time their passion grew as they got bolder, hands beginning to roam, wanting to touch. Chip tugged at the shirt tucked into Lee's jeans, sliding his hands underneath, soaking in the warmth of his skin. Lee's hands buried themselves in the short blond hair as they kissed again and again. Feeling Chip's hands on his back was sending shivers through his entire body. Eventually the hands worked their way forward and began unbuttoning his shirt, exposing his chest. He let go and leaned back, letting them explore, letting himself feel the excitement growing beneath his belt. He was nervous � thinking about this was all he'd ever done. But there was no doubt he was enjoying it so far. Chip couldn't believe this was happening. His hands slid over the dark curls on Lee's chest, taking in the texture and warmth below. Lee looked up at him expectantly; he suddenly realized that he was the 'expert' here, even though he'd never actually done anything himself. He'd have to rely on instinct. Almost accidentally, his hand brushed over one of Lee's nipples, eliciting a gasp from his partner. He grinned. "You liked that?" "Yeah." He began focusing his attention on the stiffening nubs, first using his fingers, then finally bending down to lick and nibble. He was rewarded with the sound of heavy breathing as Lee's arousal grew. Bolder now, he let one hand slide slowly down Lee's chest, over the belt buckle, tracing softly over the clearly visible bulge. "Oh, Chip!" Lee gasped at the touch. He did it again, letting his touch become firmer, his mind now registering the length and girth of it. He was touching Lee's cock, and it was making his own throb with need. Lee was breathing quite heavily as Chip's fingers danced over his erection. It was turning him on pretty powerfully. But the light teasing touch was driving him crazy. "Chip. Come on. Stop teasing me �" Chip grinned. "How about we get more comfortable?" Lee grinned back at him. "Thought you'd never ask!" Since it was already almost midnight, they shut off the lights and went back to the bedroom. Shoes were kicked off, Lee's shirt tossed aside. Chip's sweater was quickly added to the discard pile, then by some unspoken mutual consent they came together, arms wrapped around naked torsos, reveling in the feel of skin against skin. After a long, passionate kiss, Chip returned his focus to Lee's crotch, this time releasing the belt and fly, letting the jeans slip down the narrow hips. His hand cupped over the erection straining against the cotton briefs. Lee groaned his pleasure, his hands sliding down Chip's back and over the tight buns. But there was too much fabric in the way. He brought his hands around to attack Chip's belt, temporarily dislodging his hands from Lee's cock, sending his jeans floorward. Then he pulled Chip close again, this time with no hands between them. He could feel Chip's erection snugged tight up against his. His heart was pounding, his body on an adrenaline high, excited and a little scared. Chip intentionally overbalanced, spilling them down onto the bed. Arms and legs intertwined as they tried to get as close to each other as possible. Somebody realized their shorts were still in the way, and it wasn't long until they were squirmed out of. Finally naked, they writhed together until the friction became too much. Lee exploded first, his cream providing a bit of extra lubrication to send Chip over the edge shortly after. Breathing heavily from their passion and exertion, they laid together, content in silence for a while. Eventually, Chip got up and grabbed a damp washcloth from the bathroom to clean up their mess. While he was up, Lee pulled back the covers on the bed. They settled in together for the night, Chip's head pillowed on Lee's shoulder. Just as he was drifting off to sleep, Lee heard Chip's voice. "Lee, can I ask you something?" "Sure." "That night in the hotel. After I fell asleep. Did you go back to your bed?" Lee smiled softly, remembering. "No. I stayed with you. Couldn't bring myself to leave you." "Then it wasn't a dream. You held me all night?" "Yeah." "Will you hold me tonight?" "Of course." Chip rolled over onto his side and just as he remembered, Lee spooned in behind him, an arm wrapped protectively over his waist. Warm lips pressed against his neck. He sighed contentedly and fell soundly asleep. Send me some feedback Back to the Voyage home Back to the Home page Disclaimer: I don't own them, just borrowing them for fun, not profit. |