| Staring at his reflection in the mirror wasn�t improving Jack�s mood. He had one hell of a shiner, as well as some bruises on his neck from Logan�s hands. He could probably press assault charges � except for the fact that he had started it. And the fact that they�d have to admit in public what they were fighting about. He was grateful that he didn�t have to worry about court today. He wouldn�t want to have to explain his appearance to a judge. Of course, it was going to be hard enough to explain it to Adam. He�d been avoiding telling his old friend about the changes in his life, not really sure how to do it. But he knew today he�d have to. No, he wanted to. In a way he was relieved to have this excuse to get it out in the open. He dressed, grateful that the collar of his shirt hid the marks on his neck. Nothing he could do to hide his black eye, though. So he headed out, losing himself briefly in the ride to work. He knew people were staring at him as he walked from the elevator to his office. He quickly changed into a suit, then turned toward Adam�s office, stopping only for a cup of coffee on the way. Adam looked up from his paper at the sound of the knock, his eyes wide as he took in the shiner. �Jack? What the hell happened to you?� Jack closed the door behind him and looked at Adam with a rueful grin. �I don�t suppose you�d believe me if I said I ran into a door?� Adam chuckled. �Not if you said it like that.� Jack nodded and sat down in one of the chairs opposite the big desk, taking a long drink from his mug. �There�s been a lot going on lately, Adam. I � I�m sorry I haven�t kept you in the loop. I think you guessed that there was somebody new in my life?� Schiff grunted, waiting for more. Jack sighed. �It�s not what you�d expect, Adam.� Schiff�s eyes narrowed. He�d been forming a suspicion, based on when McCoy�s erratic behavior had started. �Your friend the cop. Briscoe.� Jack put the coffee mug down, startled. He looked into his mentor�s eyes, then quickly looked away. �Yes. How did you know?� Adam shrugged. �You�ve not exactly been yourself, ever since he was shot.� �Oh �� Jack had thought he�d hidden it better. �Jack, why didn�t you tell me?� His turn to shrug. �Couldn�t figure out how, Adam. �Hey, guess what, your favorite skirt-chasing EADA has fallen in love with a man?�� Adam chuckled. �Would have worked.� Jack sighed. �Love, Jack?� He nodded. �Love, Adam. The real thing.� �So I�m guessing he�s not the one who gave you that shiner?� Jack groaned and gave him the Readers Digest Condensed version of the Mike Logan story. Adam grimaced as Jack described last night�s fight. �Ouch. Thank God Cragen had the sense to follow up on you �� Jack sighed again. �Logan might have killed me if he hadn�t interrupted.� �It�s a damned good thing he�s already quit the force, then.� Jack nodded. �I know I shouldn�t have gone there, but by that point I was so mad �� �Have you talked to Briscoe yet?� Jack just shook his head. �Well, do it. Don�t let this hang between you longer than necessary, Jack.� Jack looked up at him. �You really aren�t at all surprised that I �switched sides,� as it were?� Schiff gave a bark of a laugh. �Jack, I gave up being surprised by you years ago. You�re a rebel, and you�ve always been one. You do what you believe is right, and damn the rest of the world. If you weren�t so damned good in the courtroom, I�d have fired your ass years ago. But you are. So I put up with you, and all your idiosyncrasies. But Jack. There is one thing this time. I know cops, Briscoe will want to keep it quiet. But you can trust that one of these days in some case he�s testifying in, a sharp defense attorney will bring this up in court to discredit his testimony. I guarantee it will happen. I don�t want this office compromised, Jack. So find a way to deal with it.� Jack nodded, sobered by Adam�s astute observation. �I hear you, Adam. Hadn�t gotten around to thinking about that yet � First of all I have to figure out if there is still an �us� after this week.� Adam came around his desk to lay a hand on his friend�s shoulder. �There will be, Jack.� ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Lennie settled in at his desk Friday morning feeling better than he had all week. There was still a corner of his heart that was terrified that Jack wouldn�t give him the chance to apologize, and he really had no idea how he�d ever find the words when the time came. But at least he could concentrate on work today. Rey had given him a knowing glance when he walked in, seeing that his partner really was looking rested and well. They didn�t get much of a chance to talk before duty called and Rey headed out. After the morning rush, Lennie settled in and started digging through the paperwork. He sighed and wondered if he�d ever get back out onto the streets. // Do you really want to? // The thought caught him by surprise. Being a cop was the first thing he�d ever been really good at. It had been his whole life for so long, he�d forgotten that there could be anything else. But Mike�s dreams had hit a resonating note for him, especially coming so close after his brush with death. Twenty years ago he�d have been fully recovered in a month. But now he barely had enough energy to manage a 9-5 workday. And truthfully, he knew it was only partly due to his personal distractions. Anita Van Buren watched him from the doorway of her office. She knew he�d been having difficulties getting back into the swing of things. It wouldn�t be the first time a cop who had been shot in the line of duty decided that maybe it was time to slow down. Especially one Lennie�s age. She sighed � she�d hate to lose him, both for his skill as a detective, and his sense of humor, which had been sorely missed this past month when he was gone. She wandered over to his desk. �Hey, Lennie, how you doing?� �Hey, LT. OK, I guess.� She studied his eyes. �Lennie? Anything you want to talk about?� He shrugged. �Just got some personal stuff going on right now. I�ll be ok.� �You sure?� He smiled, knowing what she was worried about, but in a way glad that she was. �Yeah. Don�t worry, I�ll work it out.� Anita nodded. �I�m here if you need to talk.� He just smiled. �Thanks.� ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Jack and Jamie were headed over to the 27 to discuss a case with Lt. Van Buren. It was late Friday afternoon; Jamie drove so she could head straight home afterwards. Jack had brought her up to speed on his personal problems on the way over, after she had fussed over his black eye. Jack was kind of hoping to catch another ride home � As they walked into the precinct, his eyes were drawn to one particular desk. Which was vacant at the moment. Just as well; he needed to concentrate on this meeting. Then he could deal with the only issue he really gave a damn about. It was after 5PM when they had finally sorted everything out and he stepped back out of Van Buren�s office. He walked over to the water cooler, his eyes drawn to the now occupied desk. Lennie looked tired. Jack knew that it had to be tough, getting back into the rhythm of a full workday, when you still weren�t up to your full strength. And worse when your personal life was yanked out from under you. �He needs you, you know.� Jack looked up sharply, surprised by the soft voice. Rey Curtis stood on the other side of the cooler. Jack sighed. �I need him too �� Rey nodded. �So go talk to him. It won�t be easy, but you�ll both be better. Trust me. I know.� Jack looked at him � something in his eyes spoke volumes. He�d have to ask Lennie if there was something he didn�t know. He nodded, then took a deep breath and walked over to Lennie�s desk. �Lennie?� The dark head spun around at the sound of his voice. �Jack.� For a while they just looked at each other, not knowing what to say. Jack swallowed hard, trying to get some moisture into his dry mouth. �We need to talk.� Lennie nodded. �Yeah.� He couldn�t help noticing the black eye, realized where it had to have come from. �I could use a ride home �� Lennie looked into his eyes and nodded. �OK. Time to get out of here anyway �� Anita watched them from her office and a suspicion began to form in her mind. It seemed maybe Lennie had more than one reason to think about his options � ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The ride home had been mostly silent, as neither one felt like making small talk. Finally they were in the apartment. Jack tossed his suitcoat over the back of a chair, throwing his tie after it. �You want something to drink?� Lennie nodded � his mouth was so dry it felt like the Sahara desert. �Yeah. Just water.� Jack nodded and disappeared into the kitchen. Lennie tossed his coat and tie aside as well, tucking his gun and holster underneath, then shoved stuff off the couch so they could sit down. Jack came back with two glasses of ice water and sat down beside Lennie. �So.� Lennie took a long drink, then looked into his eyes. �I�m sorry, Jack. Before anything else, I wanted to say that. And thank you- for calling Don last night. You saved me, Jack. I was that close �� His voice caught. Jack sighed with relief. �Thank god.� Lennie nodded. �When he called, and said you had warned him, I realized that just maybe there was a chance you might be able to forgive me?� Jack licked his dry lips. �I want to, Lennie. I need to know what happened.� Lennie nodded. �I really thought we were going to be ok, Jack. I had a long talk with Rey on Tuesday night. I realized what it is. Mike is an addiction for me, Jack. Just like alcohol. I fell off the wagon Saturday when he showed up. It�s hard, Jack, so hard to stay sober after you fall. I knew that, knew all I had to do was stay away from him until he left town and we�d be fine. That�s what I meant Tuesday night. Then Wednesday you couldn�t come over, and he showed up at my door � I couldn�t help it, Jack. I knew I should have slammed the door in his face, but I couldn�t. Even after all the pain he�s caused me, part of me still loves him. He�s sweet poison to me, Jack. I hate it, but he is.� Shame and regret twisted Lennie�s stomach into a knot, and the tears began stinging at his eyes again. Jack nodded. It was all starting to make sense now. He reached out to brush away the tear that ran down Lennie�s cheek. �I think I understand, Lennie. I � I�m sorry for the things I said that night. I know I hurt you too.� Lennie just nodded, unable to speak. He reached out and gently touched the bruise on Jack�s face. �Mike?� He barely managed to get the word out. Jack nodded. �Last night. After I called Cragen, I realized it wasn�t you I was mad at, it was Mike. I went over there to tell him to leave us the hell alone. It got ugly �� Lennie�s heart skipped a beat. �You fought for me?� Jack shrugged. �I lost.� Lennie shook his head. �No, Jack. You won.� They looked at each other, knowing in that moment that all was forgiven. Jack pulled Lennie into his arms, rocking him gently, his own tears finally falling softly. After a while, he felt soft lips tracing the salty tracks on his cheeks. He opened his eyes and gazed into Lennie�s, still a little bright with his own tears. He reached out and caressed the beloved face, pulling it close, bringing their lips together. Over and over, soft butterfly kisses as arms wrapped around and held tight, held on as if for dear life. Lives now permanently entwined. Somewhere along the line something changed and the kisses began to take on some heat. Hands moved to unbutton shirts, pushing the unwanted fabric aside. Lennie�s mouth worked its way down to his nipples, licking, teasing, nibbling. Jack sighed with joy as he gave himself over to the pleasure. One hand worked its way below his belt, gently massaging him through his dress slacks. �Oh, Lennie,� he sighed, smiling. The look of joy on his lover�s face was almost more than Lennie could take. He wrapped his arms around his lover, holding close again, his head pillowed on Jack�s chest. �I love you, Jack.� Hands feathered through his hair, down his back, holding him close. �I love you too.� They laid there like that, not wanting to break the moment. But finally Lennie�s back made him move. �You�ve got to get a more comfortable couch, Jack.� Jack laughed. �What, you don�t like French Provincial?� �This thing was made for sitting on with a yardstick up your butt, not for making love.� �Would you prefer the bed?� �Yes!� Once there, they fell together onto the soft comforter, getting lost in long, tender kisses, truly happy to have put the difficult week behind them. Going slower this time, as Lennie pushed Jack�s shirt off, he noticed the bruises on his neck, a pattern he recognized. �Jack?� He asked softly, his fingers gently tracing the dark marks. �Did Mike do this too?� �Yeah.� He�d forgotten about those. Lennie�s face darkened at the thought of what Mike might have done. �He could have killed you!� �But he didn�t. Cragen showed up, stopped him.� He could see how much this news disturbed Lennie. �Lennie, please. It�s over and done with. Mike didn�t mean it, I know that. It was the heat of the moment. When Cragen pulled him off me and he realized what he�d almost done � he regrets it. He�s hurting too � we�ve all been hurting too much lately. I just want to stop hurting, Lennie. Forget about it. I�m fine. WE�re fine. That�s all that matters.� He pulled Lennie close, just holding him for a little while, then began kissing him again, pulling off his shirt. He rolled Lennie onto his back, trailing kisses down his chest, hands opening the belt and zipper, then eagerly pulling the clothes out of the way. His own followed, then he climbed on top, laying down so that every point on their bodies touched. Tongues plunged deep as Lennie�s arms wrapped around him, holding him in place. Both cocks were trapped between their bodies, side by side, touching there as well. Almost of their own volition, Jack�s hips began moving, seeking more contact, more of that sweet friction. Lennie answered and they found a rhythm that was sending them both towards ecstasy. It wasn�t the most powerful orgasm he�d ever had, but Lennie didn�t care. Feeling that blissful explosion with Jack in his arms, their whole bodies touching, was an experience he wouldn�t have traded anything for. Feeling Jack�s whole body go limp in his arms made him feel a tenderness he�d all but forgotten. He held the beloved body close to him as the final tremors subsided. Eventually, Jack slid off to lay beside him, content and happy. They lay there, arms and legs still tangled, ignoring the sticky goo on both chests. It was as if neither one of them wanted to ever let go again. Finally, Lennie bent down and gently kissed Jack�s head. �I hate to say this, but we really should get up. You hungry?� Jack sighed, not wanting to move. �Don�t wanna. But you�re right. I haven�t eaten much the past couple of days � I�m starving.� Lennie laughed. �That makes two of us. Come on, let�s go.� They reluctantly got out of bed, cleaned up, and got dressed. They decided to order in, considering that the odds of getting a table in a decent place in New York at 8PM on a Friday night were about as good as winning the lottery. They sat in the kitchen after dinner, relaxing. Lennie had been kind of quiet throughout dinner. Finally he decided he had to ask. �Jack? Can I ask a big favor?� �Sure, love. Anything.� �It � it�s about Mike. I know you just want to forget it all happened. I understand that. But I don�t want Wednesday to be the last time I ever see him. I�d like to see him again, say goodbye. I need closure this time, not another disappearance without a word. And I need you there with me.� The look on Lennie�s face said it all. Jack realized how important this was to Lennie. �You still love him, don�t you?� Lennie hung his head. �I wish I didn�t, Jack, but I do.� Jack reached across the table. �It�s ok, Lennie. I think I understand. Last night I realized he�s been through so many different kinds of hell � nobody deserves that, Lennie. I think he needs the closure as much as you do. Then maybe he can really start over.� Lennie gazed at him from across the kitchen table, giving silent thanks to whatever higher power was watching over him for letting him keep this special man. �Thanks, Jack.� Jack smiled and squeezed his hands. �Come on, let�s go to bed.� They stripped down to underwear and climbed into bed. Too many sleepless nights combined with too many days running an emotional treadmill had left both of them feeling more mellow than horny tonight. They just cuddled together for a while, Jack propped up on the pillows with Lennie leaning against him. Jack�s fingers floated through Lennie�s hair, happy to have his lover back in his arms. �Lennie? Can I ask you something?� �Of course.� �Something Mike said last night. About you hurting him on Wednesday �� Lennie sighed. �I told you about Mike and Fr. Joe. He never has gotten completely over it, Jack. He doesn�t do bottom. Ever. I was so � I don�t know, high I guess � from being with him, I forgot. Started fooling around his backside � that�s why he wasn�t there when you came, Jack. For most of Thursday, I though I�d lost both of you.� Jack gently caressed his lover. �He said it was my fault, I must have spoiled you �� Lennie hugged him. �You have spoiled me, Jack, just not the way he thought. With him it�s all passion and intensity. Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead. You�re gentle and loving and an entirely different kind of passion. And you were curious, I think that�s what got me started thinking about it.� �He accused me of being willing just because it was the one thing he couldn�t give you �� Lennie sat up. �Jack, you know that�s not true. You didn�t even know until now. And we still haven�t, and you don�t have to if you don�t want to.� Jack shut him up by kissing him. �I do want to, Lennie. And not because of anything to do with Mike.� Lennie sighed happily and snuggled close, soon falling asleep in his lover�s arms. Continue to Chapter 8 Return to the Story Index Send me some feedback Disclaimer: These characters belong to Dick Wolf and NBC. I'm just borrowing them for fun, not profit. |
| All I Ask of You |
| Chapter 7 |