| Mike Logan walked out of the admin office at One Police Plaza. He had actually done it. Applied for their damned 'stress-induced disability� early retirement. He'd called his captain on Monday, informing him of his decision, and got the impression the man was relieved. He'd already decided he wasn't going back there, even to get his things. There was nothing there he really wanted anyway. No fond memories of Staten Island, his prison, his punishment. No, it was time for a clean break. Start over. Now that it was done he felt a weight lift from his shoulders. No more worrying, uncertainty. It was done - he was free to start a new life. There was a certain exhilaration in that newfound freedom. And a whole lot of terror. He had been so sure Lennie would come with him. Lennie had freed him from the prison of his own fear, he had counted on that steady presence to get him through this. He couldn't face it alone. And what was the point of coming out if you didn't have somebody to be 'out' with? After spending the better part of the afternoon in a pub staring into a pint of Guiness, Mike made his decision. He couldn't do this alone. He had to try one more time, man to man, to make Lennie see. Remind him of what they had ... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Lennie unlocked the door to his apartment and promptly flopped down onto the couch. Another long day. God, if working till 5PM felt like a long day, how was he ever going to get back to those 16 hour marathons? Maybe he was getting too old for this. And yet, today he felt better. His conversation with Rey last night had really helped, cystallized the situation in his head. He remembered how hard it had been to resist the booze when he finally decided to sober up. Rey was right, this thing with Mike was so much the same. He couldn't help what his subconscious dredged up in his dreams, but he could control what he did when he was awake. And somehow he knew that Jack would understand and would help him through this. All he had to do was stay away from Mike. Soon he'd be gone anyway, out of town, starting his new life somewhere else. Lennie did envy him that just a bit. The phone rang, startling him out of his reverie. "Yeah?" "Lennie, it's me." Jack sounded very unhappy. "What's wrong?" "This case. They threw us a curve we weren't expecting. Judge gave us 24 hours to answer their challenge or the case is thrown out. It's going to be a long night - I don't think I'm going to make it over there ... hell, I may not make it home tonight." Lennie sighed, disappointed. He very much wanted to see Jack, explain it all to him. He knew his lover was worried. He wanted to put his mind at ease. "It's OK, Jack, I understand. Really. The job is like that sometimes. I've done my share of all nighters ..." "Yeah, but I really wanted to talk to you ..." "I know. But please - don't worry. Everything is going to be all right. I love you, Jack." "You too ..." The line clicked. Lennie sat back with a sigh. He thought about going over to Hogan Place, making Jack take a dinner break, but knew that would probably be a bad idea. Instead, he wandered into the kitchen and scrounged some dinner � ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Mike parked his car in the alley behind Lennie�s apartment. Lennie�s car was there, and no sign of a motorcycle. He couldn�t be sure McCoy wasn�t there, but the signs looked good. Nervously, knowing this was his last chance, he climbed the stairs to the second floor, stood before the well worn door, and knocked. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Lennie was surprised to hear a knock at his door just as he was finishing dinner. He wondered who would be coming to see him now. It never occurred to him that it might be the one person he definitely did not want to see. He opened the door and stood frozen at the sight of Mike standing there, a bright green polo shirt clinging to his lean, muscled frame, bringing out the green of his eyes. Distantly, some part of him realized that he should slam the door shut, chain it, lock it, and not answer again tonight. But he couldn�t. Logan stood there, his best, most charming grin lighting up his face, looking absolutely edible. �Lennie. Can I come in?� All the right words ran through his mind. // No, Mike. I gave you your answer � // �Yeah,� is what came out. �Lennie. We really need to talk.� �There�s nothing more to say Mike, and you know it as well as I do.� �Lennie. Please, you�ve got to listen to me �� Mike grabbed his shoulders and gazed into Lennie�s eyes, realizing that he was never going to win this with words. He had to remind Lennie of what they had, what they could be to each other. He pulled the older man close, bending down to claim his mouth. Lennie resisted, but once again his body failed him. Logan�s touch was like fire against his skin, his lips burning, igniting a passion deep inside. He couldn�t stop his own lips from opening, letting Mike in, tongue probing, tasting, remembering. Rational thought vanished as he lost himself in the flame that was Mike Logan. Mike felt Lennie�s surrender and rejoiced. His hands began unbuttoning Lennie�s shirt, eagerly seeking his skin. He felt Lennie�s arms slide around his waist, tugging the polo shirt out from his jeans, sliding underneath. Hands cupped his ass, pulling him close, so close he could feel Lennie�s arousal, knowing Lennie felt his. �Oh, yeah, that�s it, Lennie, you remember �� He whispered into the nearest ear as his hands found Lennie�s already tight nipples, pinching them until Lennie pulled away, moaning. �Oh, god, Mike �� Mike laughed and grabbed his hand, dragged him back toward the bedroom, shedding his shirt along the way. He wasn�t surprised that Lennie�s disappeared too. Grinning as he pushed Lennie down to the bed, he eagerly crawled on top, kissing him passionately, his green eyes alight with his joy. He traced a line of kisses down Lennie�s body as his hands worked at the belt. Lennie moaned as a hand slipped inside his open fly, finding him more than ready for action. Mike�s teeth gnawed at his nipples as his hand sent waves of pleasure through Lennie�s body. Hands, teeth, tongue zeroed in on every erogenous zone he�d ever discovered on his partner�s body. He played Lennie like a musical instrument, making every nerve ending sing. Finally, when he had Lennie squirming beneath him, begging him for release, he pulled away his pants and applied his talented mouth to Lennie�s most sensitive erogenous zone. Lennie nearly passed out as he felt Mike finally sucking on his cock. So hot, so, so hot! That mouth took him to places he�d forgotten, sent him flying so high he felt he�d never come down again. And when he finally came, the climax shook his entire body, leaving him breathless and exhausted, his mind still in a red haze of lust. Mike looked down at him, pleased that he could still send Lennie into that state of nirvana. Lennie grinned up at him, losing himself again in the laughing green eyes. �Christ, Mike, you tryin� ta kill me?� �Not a chance, Lennie. But it�s my turn now �� His grin got even bigger as Lennie realized what was next. Mike quickly shed his own pants, revealing his massive cock, fully erect, so hard it looked like he was about to burst. He knelt over Lennie, putting it right in front of his lover�s mouth. Lennie licked at it like a kid with an ice cream cone, almost drooling at the sight of it. Mike kept it just barely within reach of his tongue for as long as he could stand it, then finally when he couldn�t take any more teasing, he thrust right into the waiting mouth. Mike was more than a mouthful; Lennie eagerly sucked in as much as he could take, wanting more. But Mike had other ideas. �OK, Lennie that�s enough. You know what I really want �� He reached over to the nightstand to retrieve the lube as Lennie rolled over, �assuming the position,� his ass high in the air waiting for Mike to take him. Mike didn�t bother much with loosening him up, just a quick application of lube to both of them. He pushed in, just the head, and Lennie cried out with the burst of pleasure/pain. �Oh, god, Mike, you�re so big. Oh how I missed this! More, Mikey, more!� Logan grinned, happy to oblige. Lennie pushed back against him with every stroke, wanting all of it. Sweat slicked both their bodies by the time the whole thing was buried inside. But Mike kept going, pounding into Lennie, stroke after stroke, intent on his own climax. Which wasn�t far off. When it was over, he pulled out and flopped down onto the bed beside Lennie, pulling his lover close. �Oh, yeah. So good, Lennie, you and me together, we�re so good �� Lennie rolled over, snuggling close. They lay together in the afterglow, content to finally be together again. �I�ve missed you, Lennie.� �Missed you too, Mikey. Why�d you have to go do something so stupid?� �I don�t know, Lennie. I�ve just never been able to control the anger. That�s why I need to get out. Start over. Where should we go? Someplace we can be open, come out, walk down the street holding hands and not risk our lives. We could drive across the country to San Fran, see the sights along the way. You know I�ve never been out of this damned city except on business? I wanna see the Grand Canyon, Lennie. I wanna see the Rocky Mountains. I wanna get as far away as I can from this rotten, stinking hole of a city �� Lennie was barely aware that Mike was rambling on. His body was still reeling from the power of feeling Mike inside him. Mike had gotten his release, but in the process had left Lennie ready for round two. Instead of paying attention to Mike�s words, Lennie�s hands started roaming, caressing the tight abs, sliding lower, for the moment avoiding the flaccid cock, sliding down between his legs, caressing the thighs. He wasn�t thinking, just reveling in the feel of Mike�s body. Mike�s words trailed off as Lennie�s touch distracted him. Almost without thinking, he spread his legs. Long fingers caressed him, teasing at his balls, then rubbing below, behind them. Mike shuddered. �Lennie? What are you doing?� There was fear in his voice. �Whaddaya think I�m doin�, Mikey?� �Uh, Lennie �� // You know I can�t! // �Come on, Mikey. You always get top. My turn.� His finger probed gently at Mike�s hole. Logan�s entire body clenched tight at that touch. �No!� Mike shrieked, rolling away from Lennie, half falling out of the bed. In a panic, he stumbled around, searching for his jeans. �Mike? What the hell�s wrong?� �I can�t, Lennie. I just can�t. You know that!� Logan just kept repeating it as he dressed. // Shit! Why�d he have to do that! Logan, get it together. You�re blowing everything here! // But he couldn�t. The terror was too much. That was one place Mike just couldn�t go. Dimly, he wondered why Lennie suddenly wanted this. He�d never pushed it before �. Is this what he got from McCoy? Lennie started coming out of the sex-induced high, memory coming back. Shit. Logan had one psychological wound from Fr. Joe that had never healed. And Lennie had just scratched it wide open. He crawled out of bed, went to him, touched his arm. �Mike, I�m sorry �� Mike shook him off, roughly. �Don�t touch me.� Lennie looked on helplessly as Mike hurriedly dressed and all but ran out of the apartment. In the quiet that followed the slamming of the door, Lennie�s brain finally fully kicked back into gear. �Oh, no �� He fell back onto the bed as he realized what he had just done. �No, no, NO!� His fist slammed down into the mattress. Once again, Mike Logan had come crashing into his life, and left a path of devastation in his wake. Hurricane Mike, that�s what he was. And Lennie was helpless in his presence. Oh, god, how was he ever going to face Jack now, ask for his help? He�d already proved himself not worthy. And managed to hurt Mike too in the process. // Why do I even try? Never could handle a real relationship. Just end up hurting everybody I love � // Lennie laid there in the growing darkness, his thoughts spinning around and around. He hated how easily Mike had coaxed him into bed. His body still remembered the sensations he�d just experienced, and he couldn�t deny how much he enjoyed them. Sweet poison, that�s what Mike was. Just like vodka. So, so nice going down, but so bitter afterwards. �Arrrrgghhhhh!� Lennie screamed and sat up, throwing himself out of the bed. A bed that felt tainted by what he had just done in it. He stalked around the bedroom, finding a pair of sweats and a tshirt. He couldn�t sleep in that bed tonight. The couch would have to do � He grabbed a pillow and blanket and stormed out to the living room, throwing them down on the couch. The sound of a knock at the door startled him. A second unexpected visitor tonight? What if it was Mike again? He couldn�t face that, so he ignored the knock, standing there frozen, not wanting to make a sound. Of course, since Mike had stormed out, the door was unlocked. Lennie jumped when the door suddenly opened and Jack walked in. �Lennie? Why didn�t you answer when I knocked?� // oh, god, I have to tell him � why is he here, he wasn�t supposed to come tonight � // Lennie took a breath to speak, but all that came out was a broken sob. He collapsed onto the couch, tears streaming down his face, sobbing helplessly. Jack froze, stunned by Lennie�s reaction. Then suddenly he was beside Lennie, trying to put his arm around his shoulders, but Lennie pushed him away. �No, Jack. NO!� �Lennie? What�s wrong?� Jack was becoming panicked now. �He was here, Jack. I knew I shouldn�t let him in but I did.� Jack felt his anger growing. �Logan? Was here? Did he hurt you?� �No � He � he �� Jack tried to capture Lennie�s face in his hands, but again Lennie pulled away. �Don�t. Please. I don�t deserve �� Jack felt something clench in the pit of his stomach. �Lennie?� Somehow that tone of voice made Lennie look up into his eyes. He saw the rage, and hated himself all the more. His sweet, gentle Jack was gone. �Oh, god, it�s all my fault �� �Lennie. Tell me you didn�t �� �I did. Oh god, I did. I begged him, Jack. Wanted him. Oh god I�m so sorry �� Jack sat back, stunned. He had known there was something more going on. His anger suddenly changed targets. �How could you? Just last night you said everything was going to be all right!� �I �. I thought � it was. Thought I understood �� �So you go and have sex with him tonight? Or is that what you understood, that he�s the one you really want?� �No!� �Like hell! It obviously is. Where is he? Is he still here? Is that why you didn�t answer?� Jack got up and headed back toward the bedroom, ready to kill Logan with his bare hands. Lennie scrambled to follow. �NO! He�s not here, Jack. I swear!� Fury drove Jack as he stormed through the apartment, checking behind every door, slamming them in his wake. Lennie stood in the hall, helpless, terrified of this angry beast that had emerged from his once gentle lover. Finally satisfied that Logan wasn�t there, Jack turned on him, and saw the fear in Lennie�s eyes. It shocked him out of his murderous frenzy. �Oh, Lennie �� Lennie pulled away from him again. �Jack. Please. Just go.� // let me suffer in peace � // Jack couldn�t bear to see the hurt in those eyes. He felt the first sting of his own tears and bolted out of the apartment. Lennie stood at the door, watching him stumble down the stairs, then locked it. No more intruders tonight. He shut out the lights and fell onto the sofa, burying his face in the pillow, soaking it with his tears. Continue to Chapter 6 Return to the Story Index Send me some feedback Disclaimer: These characters belong to Dick Wolf and NBC. I'm just borrowing them for fun, not profit. |
| All I Ask of You |
| Chapter 5 |