On the Feast of St. Stephen, I was driving my hearse to the wholesale liverwurst outlet when suddenly a hermaphrodite in a piano truck backed out of a crackhouse driveway, and, as my shoes caught fire, I pirouetted across Boris Karloff Boulevard, slapping the truckdriver six times in the loins with a Chattanooga road map, even though he was humming 'The Pussycat Song'." George Carlin, Brain Droppings

"Restlessness is discontent - and discontent is the first necessity of progress. Show me a thoroughly satisfied man - and I will show you a failure." Thomas Edison

"Out on the road today, I saw a Deadhead sticker on a Cadillac, A little voice inside my head said, 'Don't look back. You can never look back.'" Don Henley, "The Boys of Summer"

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." Dan Quayle

"The internet is a great way to get on the net." Bob Dole

"We all dream; we do not understand our dreams, yet we act as if nothing strange goes on in our sleep minds, strange at least by comparison with the logical, purposeful doings of our minds when we are awake." Erich Fromm

"The beginning of atonement is the sense of its necessity." Lord Byron

"To be great is to be misunderstood." Ralph Waldo Emerson

"I know how much you are supposed to enjoy every sandwich." Warren Zevon

"Can't see nothin' in front of me, Can't see nothin' coming up behind, I make my way through this darkness, I can't feel nothing but this chain that binds me, Lost track of how far I've gone, How far I've gone, how high I've climbed, On my back's a sixty pound stone, On my shoulder a half mile of line

Come on up for the rising, Come on up, lay your hands in mine, Come on up for the rising, Come on up for the rising tonight." Bruce Springsteen, "The Rising"

"Lawyers and painters can soon change white to black." Danish proverb

"Be fit for more than the thing you are now doing. Let every on know that you have a reserve in yourself; that you have more power than you are now using. If you are not too large for the place you occupy, you are too small for it." James A. Garfield

"I could never say in the morning, 'I have a headache and cannot do thus and so'. Headache or no headache, thus and so had to be done." Eleanor Roosevelt

"I've known what it is to be hungry, but I always went right to a restaurant." Ring Lardner

"All men are brothers, like the seas throughout the world; So why do winds and waves clash so fiercely everywhere?" Hirohito

"The robot is going to lose. Not by much. But when the final score is tallied, flesh and blood is going to beat the damn monster." Adam Smith

"All progress has resulted from people who took unpopular positions." Adlai Stevenson

"Fun will now commence." Seven of Nine (Jeri Ryan) on Star Trek: Voyager

"I would rather be ashes than dust! I would rather that my spark burn out in a brilliant blaze than it be stifled by dry-rot. I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet." Jack London

"Yellow cat, black cat, as long as it catches mice, it is a good cat." Deng Xiaoping

"You can fool too many of the people too much of the time." James Thurber

"Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood." Marie Curie

"An example from the monkey: the higher it climbs, the more you see of its behind." Saint Bonaventure

"I had a great idea this morning, but I didn't like it." Samuel Goldwyn

"A pint of sweat will save a gallon of blood." George S. Patton

"When more and more people are thrown out of work, unemployment results." Calvin Coolidge

"I used to think it was a terrible thing that life was so unfair. Then I thought, 'what if life were fair, and all of the terrible things that happen to us came because we really deserved them?' Now I take great comfort in the general unfairness and hostility of the universe." Marcus Cole (Jason Carter), Babylon 5

"Show me a man or a woman alone and I'll show you a saint. Give me two and they'll fall in love. Give me three and they'll invent the charming thing we call 'society'. Give me four and they'll build a pyramid. Give me five and they'll make one an outcast. Give me six and they'll reinvent prejudice. Give me seven and in seven years they'll reinvent warfare. Man may have been made in the image of God, but human society was made in the image of His opposite number, and is always trying to get back home." Stephen King, The Stand

"Uncommon valor was a common virtue." Chester Nimitz

"Nonviolence is a flop. The only bigger flop is violence." Joan Baez

"A jackass can kick a barn down, but it takes a carpenter to build one." Sam Rayburn

"The social progress, order, security and peace of each country are necessarily connected with the social progress, order, security and peace of all other countries." Pope John XXIII

"The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win you're still a rat." Lily Tomlin

"If you are very lucky in your life, then from time to time all that you have learned will become a kind of love, as if in grand rebellion against your cynicism, and you will realize with infinite surprise the boundless depths of your sympathy. You will sense that compassion toward which all our faith and hope are tending, and you will understand that it was all worthwhile." Thomas Cook, Elena

"It is the lone worker who makes the first advance in a subject; the details may be worked out by a team, but the prime idea is due to the enterprise, thought and perception of an individual." Alexander Fleming

"Vasilli Zaitsev (Jude Law): In the forest, the wolf lives for three years and the donkey for nine.
Tania Chernova (Rachel Weisz): That must be a proverb from the Urals, it makes no sense to me.
Vasilli: The donkey lives longer because he's more useful.
Tania: There aren't any donkeys in the forest, you made it up." Enemy At the Gates

"I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use." Galileo Galilei

"If you treat an individual...as if he were what he ought to be and could be, he will become what he ought to be and could be." Johann Wolfgang Goethe

"What's the matter with revenge? It's the perfect way to get even!" Archie Bunker (Carroll O'Connor), All In The Family

"The past is but the beginning of a beginning, and all that is and has been is but the twilight of the dawn." H.G. Wells

"It is impossible for ideas to compete in the marketplace if no forum for their presentation is provided or available." Thomas Mann

"The mind is not a vessel to be filled but a fire to be kindled." Plutarch

"Never marry but for love; but see that thou lovest what is lovely." William Penn

"Now join your hands, and with your hands your hearts." William Shakespeare, Henry VI

"Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love." Albert Einstein

"Life is the flower for which love is the honey." Victor Hugo

"One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: that word is love." Sophocles

"Sensual pleasures have the fleeting brilliance of a comet; a happy marriage has the tranquility of a lovely sunset." Ann Landers

"Who, being loved, is poor?" Oscar Wilde

"Marriage is an act of will that signifies and involves a mutual gift, which unites the spouses and binds them to their eventual souls, with whom they make up a sole family - a domestic church." Pope John Paul II

"A happy marriage perhaps represents the ideal of human relationship -- a setting in which each partner, while acknowledging the need of the other, feels free to be what he or she by nature is: a relationship in which instinct as well as intellect can find expression; in which giving and taking are equal; in which each accepts the other, and I confronts Thou." Anthony Storr (British psychiatrist)

"Love doesn't make the world go round, Love is what makes the ride worthwhile." Elizabeth Browning

"There is no more lovely, friendly, and charming relationship, communion, or company than a good marriage." Martin Luther

"Two such as you with such a master speed cannot be parted nor be swept away from one another once you are agreed that life is only life forevermore together wing to wing and oar to oar." Robert Frost

"Love is the condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own." Robert A. Heinlein

"There is nothing nobler or more admirable than when two people who see eye to eye keep house as man and wife, confounding their enemies and delighting their friends." Homer (the poet, not the Simpson)

"Never eat more than you can lift." Miss Piggy

"You have to run as fast as you can just to stay where you are. If you want to get anywhere, you'll have to run much faster." Lewis Carroll

"Civilization is unbearable, but it is less unbearable at the top." Timothy Leary

"I've listened to preachers, I've listened to fools, I've watched all the dropouts who make their own rules." Ozzy Osbourne, "Crazy Train"

"The freedom of all is essential to my freedom." Mikhail Bakunin

"We go dancing nighty in the attic, While the moon is rising in the sky, If I'm too rough, tell me, I'm so scared your little head will come off in my hands." Alice Cooper, "Billion Dollar Babies"

"And the silken, sad, uncertain rustling of each purple curtain, Thrilled me filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before." Edgar Allen Poe, "The Raven"

"Fear is the oldest and strongest emotion of mankind." H. P. Lovecraft

"Oh Great Pumpkin, where are you?" Linus Van Pelt, It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown

"Only the wisest and the stupidest of men never change." Confucius

"Where are the Muppets when you need them?" Dan Fielding (John Larroquette) on Night Court

"What we do in life echoes in eternity." Gen. Maximus Decimus Meridius (Russell Crowe) in Gladiator

"The most erroneous stories are those we think we know best - and therefore never scrutinize or question." Stephen Jay Gould

"Solitude never hurt anyone. Emily Dickinson lived alone, and she wrote some of the most beautiful poetry the world has ever known... then went crazy as a loon." Lisa Simpson