I stare at my reflection in my dressing room mirror. Two haunted eyes stare back, chilling me to the bone.
"You're absolutely pathetic," I mutter to myself. I climb to my feet and move over to my small couch. I collapse on it and bury my head in my hands. I hate this. I hate having to masquerade, to pretend his jokes don't effect me. To laugh off each jest, when inside it cuts like a thousand knives.
I used to respect him. Admire him. But now I feel so more than affection. I can feel the tears threatening, but there's nothing I can do to stop them. Just like my love, I thought bitterly.
"Paul?"
My head snaps up as Mikey sticks his head in through the door. He sees me huddled like a wounded animal on the couch. Instantly he's by my side, little knowing that he's the cause of my pain. To have him so close, but forever out of reach, is driving me insane.
"You were acting a bit weird," he says hesitantly, obviously not sure how to deal with my distraught state. "I came to see if I could help. What's wrong?"
I can't stand to look at him, to see the worry in his eyes. The last thing I want is for him to worry about me. I open my mouth to thank him for his concern, but nothing comes out. I close my eyes and bury my head in my hands again. I can fell his eyes on me, but I don't move.
"It's nothing," I choke slightly as I lie to him. I know he doesn't believe me, but there's nothing I can do. There never is.
I jump slightly as he rests his hand on my shoulder. The mere contact is enough to send shivers lacing up my spine and electricity shooting through my skin.
"I'm here when you want to talk," he says quietly. I nod dumbly, still refusing to look at him. Slowly he climbs to his feet and heads for the door. Just as he's about to leave, he stops and looks back.
"I'm ready to help you, if you're ready to let me," he says, and then he's gone.
"Oh Mikey," I whisper to the empty room. "If only you knew."
The tears begin to flow down my face, and I finally surrender myself to them, in the vain hope that my pain will diminish with each drop, and I will be happy again.

I wrote this in response to Funk You's challenge to write a semi-decent Mikey/Paul story. She was convinced it couldn't be done. I showed her! I think�