Legal Disclaimer: Okay, you know the song. Lets sing it together, okay? I do not own any member of the Tenchi Muyo! Gang. AIC and Pioneer has that honor. I wish I did own them, though, because then I�d be REALLY RICH!
Other Disclaimers: These bloopers are made as a joke, satirization, or however else you want to word the fact that they are made to be funny, not to offend. Please please please review them, and tell me if writing funny is my calling, or if I should stick to angst filled Xena fan fiction. :)
Dedications: Okay, as always, for my lady, and for Tashimi, who helped me write a few of these, and also who is a really good author! (hint to Tashimi to write more! Mooorree.... I crave moooorrrreee!)
I think that�s about it, so enjoy, and remember, REVIEW! :)
LadyWillow's Blooper Reel
By: LadyWillow
Director: Okay, lets get this filming started. (checks to make sure that everyone is around)
Okay, this is the scene where Misaki thinks that Ryoko is Sasami. Ready? And... Action!
Misaki: Oh Sasami Sasami, you�ve changed so much!
Ryoko: I�m not Sasami, I�m a real girl!
Director: Cut! What do you think this is, Pinoccio? Get the lines right!
Ryoko: I�m sorry, I just couldn�t help it!
Aeka: That�s what you always say! �Oh Aeka, I�m sorry I dumped a bow of VERY HOT Ramen on your head! I tripped and I couldn�t help it! Oh, I�m sorry I broke your statue of the Juraian emperor! I was cleaning, and I bumped it, and I couldn�t HELP IT!�
Director: All right Aeka, calm down, just take deep breaths...
Aeka: Shut up, you!
Director: (sweatdrop) I hate this job...
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Director: All right now, this is the scene where...
Tenchi: Who wants a puff? (holds up a joint)
Director: (face turning red) TENCHI!! Put that out right now and get back into your trailer!
Tenchi: Calm down, old man. You can�t send me to ma trailer, G, you ain�t ma mother.
Assistant Director: What did I tell you about that slang, mister?
Tenchi: S-s-sorry.
Assistant Director: AHEM!
Tenchi: (scared, deer in headlights look on his face) I-I mean s-s-s-sorry m-mistress of p-p-pain...
Assistant Director: Much better! Now get your fanny to that trailer!
Tenchi: Y-yes M-m-mistress of p-pain...
(Aeka and Ryoko begin to laugh, and Tenchi glares at them)
Tenchi: I�ll get you girls, and your little cabbit Ryo-Ouki too!
Director: I *really* hate this job...
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Director: Okay, this is the scene where Aeka calls Misaki �mommy.� Ready, aaannnddd...action!
Aeka: Ryoko, I am about to do something that you could tease me about later. I am warning you not to...
(walks towards Misaki with a stupid grin on her face) It�s...A big hairy bear!!!
Sasami: (pops up next to Aeka) A big hairy bear, where?
Director: CUT! We are not here to play children's games! W are here to film a well-loved anime! Get it right!
Aeka: Calm down, don�t hyperventilate...
Sasami: Or have a heart attack!
Aeka: Or a stroke!
Sasami: Or a seizure!
Sasami: Or an ulcer!
Aeka: Or a...-
Director: STOP IT!! (pants) Now, lets try that again. Anndd... action!
Aeka: Ryoko, I am about to do something that you could tease me about later. I am warning you not to.
(walks towards Misaki with the same stupid grin as before)
Here�s...Johnny!!
(Ryoko and Sasami burst out in laughter)
Misaki: What? Those weren�t the right lines, what�s so funny? I don�t understand.
(Mihoshi walks up to Misaki)
Mihoshi: Neither do I. Strange, huh?
Misaki: NOOOOOO!!!!! I�m like HER!!
(runs from the set screaming bloody murder. Goes through the wall and leaves a perfect Misaki shaped cookie-cutter hole in the wall.)
Mihoshi: I�m confused...
(Ryoko, Aeka, and the Director all face fault)
Director: Mihoshi! You don�t even come into this episode until the last few scenes! I told you that you didn�t even have to be on set until Friday!
Mihoshi: Yeah, I know, but I got so bored...
Director: *sighs* I need a new cast...
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Director: Now, this is the scene were Tenchi and Seryo fight. Seryo, just fall off the deck when I cue you. Special effects will take care of the giant splash.
Seryo: But, but, my designer costume! It�ll get all... wet!
Director: (slaps his hand to his face) We�ll get you a new one, okay?
Seryo: (wipes his eyes) *sniff* Really? *sniff* Okay... *sniff sniff*
Director: All right now, ready annnddd... action!
(Tenchi and Seryo begin the fight. Mihoshi�s ship crashes into the water)
Seryo: Goodbye cruel, cruel world!!
(leaps dramatically into the water)
SPLASH!!
Director: CUT!! Seryo, you don�t have any lines before you fall into the lake! Your not even supposed to make it obvious that you did it yourself!!!!!!! You know what, you�re fired! In fact, you�re all fired!!
Seryo: It�s because I�m gay, isn�t it?
(everyone looks at Seryo)
Misaki: Wait a minute, I was going to make my daughter marry a gay Juraian?!
Director: No! Just because he�s gay in real life doesn�t mean the CHARACTER is gay!!!
And remember, you are all FIRED!!
(LadyWillow pops in)
LadyWillow: Wait just one minute, mister! You can't fire them!!
(says quietly so the rest of the cast won�t hear.)
We can�t afford the cast of Pokemon like you asked, and Dragonball Z is filming for another seven months. They, (points to the bewildered group of ahem... �actors�) are ALL WE HAVE!
Director: Fine, but you have to get Aeka to stop sleeping around the whole of Tokyo, at least on work nights, and Tenchi has to put out his joints whenever he�s on set.
LadyWillow: Deal. (shakes directors hand) Have fun!
Director: (sarcastically) Ooohhh yeah...
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Director: Okay,this is the scene where everyone puts bets on who they think is going to win the duel. Annnddd... action!
(everyone places the bets like they�re supposed to. Then they all look at Washu)
Washu: Gambling is illegal for minors, and I will take no part in it. Hmmph!
Director: CUT!!!! Washu, you supposed to bet on Mihoshi!!
Ryoko: Don�t play Goody-Two-Shoes, �MOM!�
We all know that you�ve been sneaking out to the casino every night in your adult form!!
Washu: (blushes) You..you know about that?
All: YES!
Washu: (sweatdrop) Al-alright then...
Director: Shoot me, shoot me now...
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Director: I can�t believe the cast of Digimon and Card Captors won�t do this show either...
I really don�t know how much longer I can survive with these loonies...
Tenchi: Yo� G. Wazzup man?
Director: (sighs) Hello Tenchi. Why are you out of your trailer? I though you were busy staring at yourself in the mirror while you smoked your joint again.
Tenchi: Yeah, well... it gets old after a while, ya� know...
Director: Riiiight...
Tenchi: Soo, when are we gonna tape that next scene, G-man?
Director: If we can find Aeka, then right now.
Tenchi: (perks up enthusiastically) I�ll find her! She wants me bad! She�ll come running at the mere sound of my voice, see?!
(stands up straight and shouts emphatically)
AEKA!!!! COME GET A PIECE �A� TENCHI!!
(Aeka walks up to Tenchi with a baseball bat.)
Aeka: (smacks Tenchi with baseball bat over the head) I was TRYING to make a few bucks with a very nice man from Tokyo, you ass!!
Tenchi: Oowwwww! Bitch!!
(Ryoko comes onto scene)
Ryoko: Aeka! Violence is not the answer! Remember the breathing techniques I taught you!
Tenchi: Ryoko! Save me please!
Ryoko: (thinks for a moment) Um...no.
Tenchi: Whaaa?
Ryoko: You never stop hitting on me!! I feel so violated!! (breaks into tears and then runs away.) WAAAHHHHH!!!!!!
Director: Ryoko! Ryoko!! Get back here!! Damn it Tenchi! Now I�ve got to get her out of her trailer again! You know how sensitive and shy she is! Aeka can handle your advances, you know that! Aeka is a REAL woman!!
Aeka: Why thank you. (lights a cigarette)
I�ll go get Ryoko. She�s my best friend, you know.
Tenchi: Mann.. I just want a girl...
Director: (pats Tenchi on the back) I know Tenchi... I know.
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Director: Okay, everyone is here. Now, this is the scene where Sasami finds out she�s Tsunami and runs into the woods. Action!!
Aeka: Sasami! Sasami!! God damn you Sasami, get your little slave-ass back here! I don�t have time to worry about you and your problems!! I should be the one merging with Tsunami!! I�m the oldest!!!! FUCK THIS!!
Director: Cut!!!! Aeka, please say the right lines!!
Aeka: Kiss my ass!!
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Director: Okay, this the scene where Mihoshi brings Taro into the onsen with her for a bath. Aaaand, action!
Mihoshi: Okay little guy, time for a bath!
Taro: Take your hands off me, bitch! I can bathe myself!
(everyone gapes)
Director: He... can... talk... (his eyes widen)
Taro: Damn straight! And I want a raise!
Director: (sweatdrop) Ooohh boy...
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Director: Okay, this is the scene where-
Aeka: HEY! If that little shrimp gets more money, then I get more money! I work here too, damn it!! I DESERVE more money!!!
Tenchi: Hell no!! I deserve more money! My pot is getting too expensive for my measly wage! I must have moooooorreeee!!
Director: You�ll all get a raise when we actually film ONE WHOLE EPISODE without you all MESSING IT UP!!!
(gasps and pants for a few minutes while everyone stares at him in disbelief)
Tenchi: ...Wow... yo� dudes, he�s mad as hell...
Aeka: Of course he is, dipshit, what with you around fucking everything up!
Tenchi: Maybe I�d work better if you and Ryoko would give me some!
Ryoko: Stop it! I can�t take it anymore! Can�t we all just get along?!
Aeka: Shut up, you priss!!
Ryoko: (breaks into tears and runs from the set)
Director: Grrrrr......
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Director: Okay, this is the scene where Aeka finds Sasami in the woods and tell her that she�s still her sister. Annnddd, action!
Aeka: Sasami, I love you, and no matter what, you�ll always be my dear sister.
Sasami: Aeka, shut up. You are not going to make me come back. I�m on strike! I�m sick of cooking, and cleaning, and always being so god damned HAPPY!! I HAVE BAD DAYS TOO!!
Aeka: (sweatdrop) ..... Oh...
Director: CUT!!!!! You two are not making my job any easier!
(LadyWillow pops in) Hey! All of you calm down! We're trying to film this episode! It's a lot of people�s favorite episode, so WORK! I don�t want to keep popping in here. It hurts my head!!
All Cast: Yes�m.
(LadyWillow pops out again)
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Director: This is the scene where Ryoko plays with baby Taro�s... you know...Action!!
Ryoko: No! I�m not going to touch THAT! Ewwww!!!
Director: Cut! Take two!
(Aeka and Sasami walk up and peer at the baby�s...parts.)
Aeka: Where IS it?!
Director: Cut! We need a MALE baby here!
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Director: This is the scene where Washu is making the baby formula. Action!
(Washu puts the formula into the bottle, then drops the can on the floor. White clouds puff into the air and cover the whole cast.)
Washu: Oops! I�m not good at this mother stuff!!
Director: (Now a lovely shade of white) Cut!
---------------------------------------------
Director: This is the scene where Aeka and Ryoko are like zombies. Action!!
Ryoko: (holding milk by accident) Diapers diapers diapers...
Aeka: (holding diapers by accident) Milk, milk, milk. (takes bite instead of drink)
Ewwww!!!! (spits diaper bits everywhere)
Director: CUT! Wrong props!!
Washu: Well, at least they got the lines right!
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Director: (head in hands) Why me.....? Why me? (looks to sky) Dear God in heaven...did I wrong you so badly... why must I be so tormented?! These people... I can�t take this.... I�m going... INSANE!! Are you punishing me?!? What wrong could I have possibly committed to deserve this.... this.... HELL! .... That�s it! (gets a rather nutty look on his face) You are punishing me for stealing the pack of bubble gum from the gas station when I was 12, aren�t you?!?! I already told you, the sweet fruity aroma was too much for my young, impressionable child persona!! Plus, the giraffe was just too cool...and the temporary tattoos printed on the wrappers... sheer marketing genius! I couldn�t help myself! I promise, I�ll never steal fruity zebra gum ever again!! ..... I�ll never even CHEW gum again, just please... (begins to sob uncontrollably) END MY SUFFERING!!!!!
Tenchi: *AHEM*
Director: (jumps about ten feet in the air) DON�T DO THAT TO ME!!!
Tenchi: Sorry G.
Director: (sighs) What do you want, Tenchi?
Tenchi: Aeka�s gone and locked herself in da porta-potty. I need to go-bad.
Director: You are a man, for God�s sake! Why don�t you go piss in a bush?!?
Tenchi: It�s number two, G. I ain�t doin� that in no shrub!!
Director: (shakes his head in disbelief) Why has Aeka locked herself up?
Tenchi: I ain�t got no idea. She was just yellin� like some bat outta hell or sompfin, and then she was in da PP, and locked da door.
Director: PP?
Tenchi: Yea G, PP. You know, Porta-Potty... PP...?
Director: Oh. (stands for a minute with a confused look on his face) Anyhoo... Let me try to get Aeka out of the .... PP....
(Tenchi and Director walk to the ... ahem... facilities)
Director: AEKA! OPEN THIS DOOR THIS INSTANT!!!
Aeka: FUCK OFF!
Director: AEKA!! GET OUT OF THAT PORTA-POTTY RIGHT NOW!!!
Aeka: GO TAKE A FLYING FUCK AT A ROLLING DOUGHNUT!!!
Tenchi: (rather confused and befuddled look on his face) Who�d wanna fuck a doughnut... this ain�t American Pie... we don�t fuck no pastry here, man...
Director: Shut up, Tenchi.
Tenchi: Aiight.
Director: AEKA!! TENCHI NEEDS TO... USE THE BATHROOM!
Aeka: What do I care! He�s a man, he can go in the bush!!!
Director: HE�S GOTTA SHIT!
Aeka: Let him shit right on the ground, like the dirty pig-beast he is!!
Director: Tenchi... you did something to Aeka, didn�t you...?
Tenchi: All dat I did was go up to her while she was swimmin� and ask her if she would flash me for six bucks... I woulda offered more, G... but dat was all I had in ma pocket...
Director: Tenchi.. you are an idiot, you know that, right?
Tenchi: My mommy said dat I was a smart boy.
Director: Your mommy lied. You�re an idiot.
Tenchi: Really?
Director: (resists the urge to backhand Tenchi) Yes.
Tenchi: Oh.
Director: AEKA!!!! IF YOU DON�T COME OUT IN ONE MINUTE, I�M GOING TO SEND THIS �PIG-BEAST� INTO YOUR TRAILER TO DO HIS BUSINESS!!!
(The porta-potty door flies open, and Aeka bursts out and runs to her trailer with speed reminiscent of the road runner from Looney Toons)
Director: (smugly) It�s all yours, Tenchi.
Tenchi: Thanks, G. (dashes inside of the... PP)
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Director: Okay now...I assume everyone has had their bathroom breaks and are ready to film?
(Cast nods in unison)
Director: Good. This is the scene with Dr Clay and Washu talking on board his ship. Aaaaannd Action!!
Washu: Oh, little girls turn you on, huh? You�re going to take me to some secret club, and then you�re going to do all sorts of unspeakable things to my young innocent body!
(Clay�s face reddens)
Washu: Well....... HERE I AM!!!! (strips off all her clothes and leaps at Clay) YOU�VE GOT ME!!! WHACHA GONNA DO ABOUT IT?!?
Director: CUT!! Washu, what in Sam Hill are you doing?!
Washu: I�m just trying to have a bit of... fun... (Giggles)
Clay: This cast is sooo messed up...
Washu: (smacks Clay) I�m a GENIUS!
Director: (mutters to himself) Riiiiiiight....
-----------------------------------------
Director: By the demands of Ryoko, we�ll film the scene where she�s in the giant beaker thingie naked now.
Tenchi: All Right!! (pumps his arms and leaps about)
Clay: Sweet Lord! The boys having some sort of seizure!
Director: (puts had on Clay�s shoulder) Don�t worry yourself, Clay. It�s just his victory dance.
Clay: Oh.
Tenchi: Yesyesyesyesyes!!!
Ryoko: Stop...undressing me with your eyes!!
Tenchi: (smugly) No need.
Ryoko: (realizes that she is already quite nekkid) Oh my... (face turns bright red)
Director: Ryoko, please get in that giant beaker thingie full of water now.
Ryoko: Why is it full of water, anyhow? I can�t even breathe under water, can I?
Director: Obviously you can. Get in there.
Ryoko: And... and why is it a beaker? This is reminding me of when �mom� created me...
Washu: (blissful smile on her face) Ahh.. such a wonderful time of my life. How was I to know you�d come out such a problem child...
Ryoko: (face turning bright red in anger and embarrassment) Mom! Your embarrassing me! (tears begin to fill her eyes.)
Director: (rolls his eyes) Just get in there, Ryoko.
(Ryoko climbs into the beaker of water)
Director: Okay... now... (turns around and runs into ... Ryoko?) Hey! Ryoko, what are you doing out of the beaker?! And why are you dressed?!
Zero: I�m not Ryoko! I�m Zero!!
Director: What?!
Zero: You know.. Zero.... Dr Clay�s little robot woman that he has look like Ryoko... do you even know the script?!
Director: Oh yes... that�s right...(mumbles to himself) This is one confusing episode...
Anyhow... Action!!
Washu: (talking to Ryoko in her mind)
Ryoko: MOM!!!! DON�T SAY THAT!!!! (begins to cry, and teleports from the beaker)
Director: What did you say to her?!
Washu: (through her laughter) I just... *snicker* said that... *giggle* ...that... *chuckle*... that.. having sex under water is supposed to be verrry good for your body... *snicker* and that...*snort*.. that Tenchi...*giggle* I�m sure would be more than.. *snort* willing to help!!
Director: Great. Now I have to get her out of her trailer. This always seems to happen...
Washu: C�mon, lighten up!
Director: (idea forming in that brain of his) I know... Washu, you can go get Ryoko.
Washu: (blanching) What?!
Director: You heard me. I�m your boss, and I said you go get Ryoko.
Washu: (grumbling) fine.
(Washu leaves, and director sinks into the same chair that had trapped Washu in an earlier scene)
Director: Ahhh....
Clay: No! Don�t!-
(It�s too late, as the chair traps the Director)
Director: AAAAARRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!! Get me out of this contraption!!
Clay: (worried expression) No can do.
Director: What the hell do you mean?!?!
Clay: See... Washu knows how to work that thing, but I certainly don�t. Why do you think I was kicked out of the academy? I�m far too stupid to work one of those things.
Director: WASHU!!!
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Seeing as for some reason geocities wouldn't let me put all 18 pages into one webpage, you must click Here for the next part. This was 11 pages, and the next is 7. Add them together, you get 18. Pretty nifty, huh? :)