Director: (now safely out of the chair) all right, lets just film this next scene. Now that Mihoshi is here, we can film her scene.
Mihoshi: (jumps up and down enthusiastically) Yay! Oh goodygoodygoodygoody!
Director: (sweatdrop) Okay then... places!
(Mihoshi continues to jump up and down, oblivious to the orders)
Director: I SAID PLACES, MIHOSHI!!!!
Mihoshi: (stops jumping abruptly) Okay!
Director: (sighs) Action!!
Mihoshi: (being chased on the outside of Clay�s ship by the flying baddies) Help!! Help!!!!! HEEELLP!!!! (runs off scene. A few moments pass, and then she comes running back, this time chasing the baddies) Back!! Back!!!! (the baddies stop, turn, and all attack Mihoshi�s face) AHHHHHHH!!!!!! OH MY GOD!! THEY�RE.... ATTACKING ME!!!! AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
(whole cast facefaults)
Director: Cut!! (flying baddies continue to attack Mihoshi�s face with abandon) I said CUT!!
(baddies still attacking) Mihoshi! Just SHOOT THEM!!! IT�S POINT BLANK RANGE, FOR GOD�S SAKE!!
Mihoshi: (calmly, even though her face is literally being torn apart by the baddies) What does point blank range mean?
Director: For the love of God...
-----------------------------------------------------
My friends, this is my tribute to the Tenchi in Tokyo Series. This series single-handedly almost made me despise the very show I now write so avidly about. To put this into a nutshell, Shin Tenchi Muyo sucked. It deserved to be tortured slowly with many dull sticks until it died, and then it should have been buried so deeply into the ground that the center of the earth would have burned it to a crisp.
I hated Tenchi in Tokyo, can you tell?
Sooo...I figured, if something sucked that bad, why not mock in endlessly and mercilessly. I sat down, and thought about some of the parts that were so stupid that they stood out from the rest of the stupidity, and this is what I came up with. I am talking about, of course, such incidents as the �Purple Telephone Monster� that was against long distance relationships... as well as the sheer stupidity of the whole series lay out. OAV is better. Death to Shin Tenchi. :) Please don�t flame me, Shin Tenchi lovers, this is all in fun. ^_^
Anyhoo, here it is!
------------------------------------------------
Director: All right everyone, I know this isn�t going to be fun, but let�s try our best...
This is he scene where Yugi summons her hench... er ... woman from a crystal that is hanging from the ceiling of her lair. Do you guys think you can handle this?
(Cast nods)
Director: Good... aaaaand action!
(Yugi summons crystal via pointing to it, and it falls to the ground making a tiny plinking noise.)
Yugi: You will destroy... What?!?
(Instead of one of her regular hench..er...people, a stripper woman with a neko suit pops out and looks seductively at the male cast members.
Neko-Girl: heya boys..
(Male cast members drool)
Director: (shakes his head vigorously in a futile attempt to clear his mind of the Neko-Girl)
Cut! Where did you come from?!?
Neko-Girl: You-you summoned me, didn�t you?
Director: Noooo...
Neko-Girl: Oh. Well, then, I�ll be going...
(Male cast members collectively gasp)
Male Cast Members: Noooo!!
(Neko-Girl goes back into crystal)
Tenchi: (Runs to crystal and picks it up) Come out!! Come out, damn you!! (throws the crystal against the wall in an attempt to release the Neko-Girl again. The crystal shatters into a Million little tiny pieces.)
Tenchi: NOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Nooo nooo noooo nooo noo....
We shared so much... we were in love, that Neko-Girl and I! And I, I was carrying her child! The poor baby will never know it�s mother! But when it is born, I will tell it of it�s mother, and her bravery... (gets evil look on his face) And maybe the baby will also have Neko ears...
Director: Tenchi.. .you�re high, aren�t you?
Tenchi: As a kite G, as a damn kite.
--------------------------------------------------
Director: this is the scene with the infamous er... �purple telephone monster.� Ready.. action!
Monster: hey kids, it�s activity time! There is a rhinoceros hiding somewhere in this room. Can you find him before this timer runs out? Go ahead, you�re special! Give it a try!!
(Whole cast stares at monster. There is a pink rhinoceros sitting on a light blue couch. It is sipping tea, knitting, and watching Jerry Springer on a small television set.
Sakuya walks onto scene.)
Monster: There you are! Find the rhino now, quickly!
Sakuya: I don�t understand... what? What rhino?
Monster: He�s hiding, dear child. You must find him.
Sakuya: (gets happy grin) Oh, okay! Hide and seek, huh? I love this game! Tenchi always plays it with me! (Begins to look under tables and chairs, until the timer finally goes off.)
Monster: I�m sorry, dear child, but you have failed to find the rhino. Rhino, please come out.
Rhino: I�m right here, you stupid sorry excuse for a children's TV show host!
Sakuya: Wooowww... I didn�t see you there... you hid really good...
Rhino: You imbecile, I wasn�t hiding to begin with!!!
Director: CUT!!!!!!!!!!! YOU ARE NOT BARNEY FOR GODS SAKE!! And Sakuya, stop talking to that Rhino! He�s probably rabid!! (Rhino glares at the Director, and walks away, his knitting trailing behind him)
Sakuya: You mean the episode isn�t supposed to be like that?
Director: (sighs in a disipointed fashion) I know, Sakuya.. it�s a few steps up from what we�re used to doing here with Tenchi in Tokyo... but well, the writers have become brain-dead.. we�re just doing what we�re told...
Monster: Screw this! I quit! Maybe I can get a job with AT&T!
Director: But we�re paying you two times as much as they would.
Monster: Yeah, but this is sooo degrading. (Gets evil look) And maybe I�ll get to dial down the center with that attractive Alyssa Milano woman.
(gleefully) Goodbye, everyone!
(Skips away while whistling that annoying �We�re Off To See the Wizard� song from The Wizard of Oz.)
Director: Okay, I guess we�re canning this episode...
(Tenchi fans from around the world cheer enthusiastically)
--------------------------------------------
Director: Okay everyone, I know that it�s been a tough week, but now we can film an easy scene. Aeka, Ryoko, this is the scene where you are watching Sakuya from Tenchi�s apartment window and you give her a ... little warning ... Aaaand action!!
Aeka and Ryoko: PLEASE!! Where ever you�re going, TAKE US WITH YOU!!! Get us away from Tenchi!! You can HAVE him!!
Director: CUT! Girls, you�re supposed to say that you�ll be watching her, the little hussy.
What is wrong with you two?!
Aeka: Why would we want to watch HER?!
Ryoko: Yeah, she�s evil, and she smells bad.
Sakuya: I do not!!! Tenchi, tell them that I don�t smell bad!
(Tenchi gets a frightened look on his face and then runs away-quickly)
,br>
Washu: Actually, yeah you do.
Sakuya: How would you know?! The writers barely even put YOU in this series!
Washu: Good point. (leaves quickly)
(Ryo-Ouki hops in, and Aeka and Ryoko get evil looks on their faces)
Director: Don�t even think about it, ladies.
Aeka: (pulls spork from her kimono) Are you pondering what I�m pondering, Ryoko?
Ryoko: (sounding just like Pinky from Pinky and the Brain) I don�t know Aeka, do you really think that I should try to teach the crickets yoga?
(Aeka glares at Ryoko)
Aeka: (motions to the fuzz ball sitting innocently on the floor) Let�s Get her!!
(Aeka and Ryoko leap at the Cabbit, and Aeka pokes Ryo-Ouki in the rear with the spork)
Aeka: We be havin' Cabbit Gumbo tonight, Pos-i-tiv-ely!
(Cast face faults, and Ryo-Ouki �Miya�s� pitifully)
-----------------------------------------
Director: Okay, this is the scene where Mihoshi turns on Space Police Police Officers while she and Kiyone are in their GP cruiser. Aaaaaand action!!
(Mihoshi turns on TV, just like she�s supposed to, and for once it appears that an entire Tenchi Muyo! scene will be filmed without incident. However, once the TV is turned on, instead of Space Police Police Officers on the screen, it�s... The Neko-Girl?!)
Neko-Girl: Yes, just call 555-N-E-K-O-L-O-V-E . That�s 555-NekoLove! And get three tapes now, for just the low low price of -
Director: (voice drowning out the TV) CUT!!!!!! Who changed the channel?!?
(Tenchi whistles a rather guilty sounding tune, as he nervously shuffles his feet)
Director: Tenchi!!!
Tenchi: Sorry... I just... well, the rhino had the other TV, and I wanted to watch this infomercial!!
Director: If it wasn�t for the money, I�d quit this job...
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Director: Okay everyone, this is the scene where Tenchi is practicing calligraphy in a pink elephant suit... and action!
(Tenchi is doing the calligraphy like a good little boy, when all of a sudden, he rips off the elephant suit to reveal his nekkid-ness)
Tenchi: (bounces around like a mad man) I�m Freeeeee!!!! (begins to do a silly happy dance) Free freee freeeeeee!!! (bends over and shoves his rear out, and then begins to shake it all around) FREEEEEE!!!!! NO MORE OPPRESSIVE, RESTRAINING CLOTHING FOR MEEEEEEEEE!!!
Director: Cut! Tenchi, put that elephant suit back on this instant!!
Tenchi: Uhh... no. (runs away - Quickly)
-------------------------------------
Director: Okay, since we can�t film that episode, we�ll work on the Daughter of Darkness movie instead. Action!
Mayuka: (crying) why does it hurt me so?
(Just as Mayuka is about to say her next line, something white streaks across the camera man�s field of vision)
Camera Man: What the hell?!
(looks from behind his camera to see a very nekkid Tenchi laughing and running back and forth across the set)
Tenchi: I�m FREEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!! I�m a NUDIST!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOOO!!!
(runs up to Mayuka) Guess what, Mayuka?
Mayuka: (Giggles in a rather cute fashion) What, Daddy?
Tenchi: I�M FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! Bwahahahahahahahaaaaaaaa!! Care to join me in freedom?
Mayuka: Um.... I�d lo - (notices a seething Director) Sorry Daddy..I guess you are on your own...
Tenchi: (skips away merrily) Traaa laaaa laaaaaa....
Director: Grrrrrr....
-----------------------------------
Director: Alrighty, this is the scene where Mayuka comes up to Tenchi in the onsen. Action!!
Tenchi: Now Mayuka, just stay right there. I�m going to get out, and put some clothes on... WAIT! No I�m not!! I�m a NUDIST!!!!!!!!
(Leaps out of the onsen and runs around) I�M FREEE!!!! F - R - E - E, FREE! EHEHEHEEEEEEEE!! Freefreefreefreefreefreefree.... (dashes away again)
Director: (head in hands) Why does he insist on tormenting me..?
------------------------------------------------
Director: All right, this is the scene where - Hey!! Where�s Tenchi?!
(Tenchi is sitting in his trailer. He is finally clothed)
Tenchi: Yay! A new drug to try!
(Puts the ecstasy tablet in his mouth) Woooo!
(A little while later...)
Director: Tenchi, there you are!
(Tenchi appears and he is very... happy looking)
Tenchi: (hugs director) I love you.
Director: (frightened look on his face) Whaaaaat?
(Tenchi lets go of the Director and hugs every other person present and tell them that he loves them, too.)
Tenchi: I must spread my loooove!
(Runs from the set to find more people to hug)
Tenchi: I�m off!! (finds Seryo�s trailer, and enters. He runs up to Seryo, who is busy applying some make-up to his face.)
Tenchi: I loooove you! (Hugs Seryo)
Seryo: Hmmm... (grabs Tenchi�s rear suggestively)
Tenchi: Wooow! (pulls away)
I don�t love you like that, man! (runs away to spread his love elsewhere)
Tenchi: I must give ma love to everyone! They must know of my... um... love!
(Tenchi sees Sasami and Ryo-Ouki playing. Sasami is dangling a carrot and Ryo-Ouki is trying to catch it.)
Sasami: Mwaahahahaaaa you stupid beast!
Tenchi: I loooove you Sasami!! (He hugs Sasami, and she begins to squirm)
Sasami: What are you on, Tenchi?
Tenchi: Um... et ... eccc... ept... it�s starts with an �e�...
Sasami: Ecstasy...? You took ecstasy?! You idiot! You take that shit at raves!! You are stupid, stupid man, you do know that?
Tenchi: Eheheheheheeeeee! (Grabs Ryo-Ouki and runs off)
Sasami: HEEY!! I was playing with her! (runs after Tenchi and his hostage)
(Tenchi hides in his trailer, and laughs maniacally)
Tenchi: You, little cabbit, are MINE! I love you... (he huggles the cabbit)
Ryo-Ouki: Miiiyyaaa...... (her little cabbit-eyes bug out from the extreme squeezing that is occurring)
Tenchi: hehee!
(Sasami has gotten the director and a few choice cast members to try to rescue Ryo-Ouki from Tenchi�s drug-induced insanity)
Director: Tenchi! Open up!!
Tenchi: I love you guys!!
Director: Open this damn door right now!!
Tenchi: I REEAALLLY love you guys!
Aeka: Move over! (pushes the director and begins to pound on the door) Tenchi!!! I WANT TO FILM THIS NEXT SCENE, DAMN YOU!! OPEN UP NOOOOWWW!!
Ryoko: Here, please allow me to try. (she steps up to the door) Tenchi? I love you too, but you need to come out here now, okay? Please.. I want to hug you... (she winks at Aeka, who grins)
Tenchi: Really? You want to hug me? Okay! (Opens the trailer door, and Aeka leaps on top of him) WHERE�S THE CABBIT?!?
(Ryo-Ouki hops up and out the door)
Tenchi: Ah Aeka, I didn�t know you cared... I really really love you a lot, Aeka...(Hugs the woman who is sitting on top of him)
Aeka: AAARRGGHHH!!!! Get this LUNATIC off of meeee!!!
(the rest of the cast just laughs)
------------------------------------------
Director: This is the scene where Sasami�s white ferret runs across the screen. Action!
(The ferret runs by as planned, then runs back. It sits in front of Tenchi, its tiny ferret-eyes blinking curiously.)
Tenchi: Shoo! Get outta here!
(The ferret, with a smile of ferret-y glee, bites Tenchi�s foot and holds on.)
Tenchi: GAAH! Get this Satanic beast off of me!! Rabid animal! Rabid animal!! (Begins to vigorously shake his foot all around, trying with questionable results to break the hold that the �Satanic rabid beast� has on his foot.)
Director: Cut! Ferret, you are not a pit bull! Let go!
(The ferret obediently lets go of Tenchi�s foot.)
Director: Much better. Now, lets try that again. Action!
(The ferret runs across the screen only half way, before Sasmi drops to her knees and calls �Come here, Randy! Here boy!� the ferret..er.. Randy, bounces over to Sasami and leaps onto her shoulder. Sasami pets Randy the ferret contentedly.)
Director: CUT! Ferret..er.. Randy is supposed to just run. Across. The. Screen. That�s it. Nothing else. Just run.
Sasami: What? And I�m supposed to pet THAT?! (Points emphatically to Ryo-Ouki.) THAT tried to kill me in my sleep last night. It�s EVIL!
(Ryo-Ouki �miyaa�s� innocently.)
Director: (looks towards heaven, but then decides against praying, since it really hasn�t done him much good in the past.) Why....?
--------------------------------------------
Director: all right everyone, this is the scene where Aeka is crying in the woods and Ryo-Ouki brings her a flower. Do you guys think you can handle this?
(Cast collectively nods.)
Director: Good. Aaaaand action!
(Aeka runs through the woods sobbing. She stumbles, and sinks to the ground. Ryo-Ouki bounces up.)
Aeka: Please, just go away. Leave me alone....
(Ryo-Ouki�s eyes turn red, and the cute little fuzzball sprouts fangs and latches onto Aeka�s hand)
Aeka: GAAAH!! Owwie!!
Ryo-Ouki: Miya miya miiiyaaa! Miyaaa-aaa miya!!! GRRRRR.....
Sasami: She said �All I�m trying to do is comfort you, bitch! Don�t tell me what to do!!�
Director: Cut!! Ryo-Ouki, behave yourself!
(Ryo-Ouki �miya�s� obediently, and releases Aeka�s hand.)
Director: all right, lets try that again. Pick it up right when Ryo-Ouki hops up to Aeka. Action!
Aeka: Please, just go away. Leave me alone...
(Ryo-Ouki bounces away and picks the flower, then bounces back to Aeka and gives it to her.)
Aeka: For me..? (gets evil look on her face) C�mere, fuzzylips! (Pulls cabbit to her chest) Give me a kiss!! (lifts the cabbit and makes moves to kiss her.)
Director: CUT!!!!!
(Ryo-Ouki looks quite traumatized.)
Aeka: Ha! You all didn�t know I was that way, huh? You didn�t know I was into such a thing, right?!
Tenchi: (slightly smug and rather confused look on his face) What, bestiality?
(Aeka�s eyes widen, and she assumes a rather homicidal look.)
Aeka: You... you..... bastard!! (she leaps onto Tenchi and begins to beat him senseless) I was talking about lesbianism!! Ryo-Ouki is a girl! How stupid ARE you?!!
Tenchi: So you wanna get together with Ryo-Ouki?
(Aeka growls)
Aeka: (calmly) You are such a frickin idiot that it isn�t even worth arguing with you. (She climbs off of Tenchi and calmly walks away.)
Director: Aeka, wait! Where are you going?! We aren't� finished with this scene!
Aeka: (still walking away) I�m going to my trailer. I�m going to call my lover, Serena from Sailor Moon. I need a hug.
Washu: I thought Serena was with Tuxedo Mask!
Aeka: It�s all a cover so no one knows we�re lovers. Duh!
Director: Dear God...
--------------------------------------------
Director: Okay, this is the scene where Aeka tries to save Ryu-Oh from Tenchi�s lake. Ready? Action!
Aeka: I must save my ship! My Ryo-Oh! (pulls on little Juraian-ship-bit) Sasami, why aren�t you helping?
Sasami: (dead pan) Aeka, are you on the marijuana again?
Director: Cut! Wrong lines, Sasami!
Sasami: This is sooo not cool. (rolls eyes) I�m gonna go hang out with Minagi now. (begins to walk off set.)
Director: Sasami! Get back here! We�re not done filming yet!!
(Sasami gives the Director the finger as she walks off of the set.)
Director: Damn. Oh well! (skips merrily to his trailer.)
Tenchi: o.o
Ryoko: O.O
Washu: o.O
Pizza Guy: O.O ... wait... wrong set. Damn.
Aeka: WHAT IN THE HELL?!?
Tenchi: Wow. He didn�t get mad or yell or anyting...wazzup with him?
Washu: (maniacal laughter) Seems my um.. medication helped him after all! (happy dances)
Aeka: What�d you give him?!
Washu: See, I produced a concoction that altered his molecular structure and caused less hormones to be produced in his brain, which is turn made his brain balance the chemical make up of his body!
Ryoko: ...... meaning?
Washu: (dead pan) I made some antidepressants for him.
All: Oh.
--------------------------------------
Director: (Giggles like a schoolgirl.) Now were going to film the scene where... oh, forget it! Let�s have a PAR-TAY!!
(cast gapes at director and all on set is silent for at least a full minute, then...)
All: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
(Music seems to come from nowhere, and Aeka begins a rather... suggestive dance.)
Tenchi: Ooooh baby.. (drools)
(Aeka nonchalantly grabs a chair, and without even missing a beat in her dance, throws it at Tenchi, knocking him unconscious.)
Tenchi: ..... owww....
Sasami: Aeka, you are soo not cool. (rolls eyes)
Aeka: Sasami, what�s the matter with you?!?
Sasami: (looks pissed enough to kill Aeka, and then burst into tears) No one cares about me! I�m like a SLAVE!! (runs from set. The slam of her trailer door rumbles the whole set.)
Washu: (nods knowingly) Sasami�s reached those lovely teenage years...
(Everyone face faults)
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Director: This is the scene where Tenchi finds Ryoko in the cave for the first time. Ready and action!
(tenchi slides down the slanty wall-thing, and looks over the edge of the hole.)
Tenchi: Heh, it�s just a mummy...
(Tenchi-Ken falls and he reaches out and grabs it.)
Tenchi: Oooh... (devilish smile)
(Tenchi leaps into the pit thingy and jumps on top of Ryoko.)
Tenchi: �C�mon, baby! Let�s make Amagasaki right! Give me some, you sexy mummy-woman!
Director: Cut... (blissfully sighs) doesn�t the air just smell lovely? (hums a gleeful tune and skips around in circles.)
All: o.O;;; Riiiiight.
Director: Come now, you�re all far too uptight! Calm down! Unwind! Relax!! (grabs Aeka�s hands) Dance with me, expensive whore-actress!
Aeka: Take your hands off of me, you crazy man!
Tenchi: Yeah, she be my woman, you mo fo!
Aeka: I am not YOUR WOMAN! You don�t have enough money to buy my kiss!
(Tenchi whimpers)
Tenchi: But-but I WANT you! I love you! I need yoU! (Thinks for a moment, then begins to sing I Will Always Love You, his voice strangely reminiciant of Ewan McGreggor's on Mulan Rouge.)
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII... Wiiiiillllll aaaaalllwaaaaayyysss looooveee yooooooooooouuuuuuu!!!!! Yeah IIIIIIIIIII.... Wiiiillll alllllwayysss loooooovee-
Aeka: OKAY! I�ll screw you, just STOP SINGING! (grabs Tenchi and pulls him to her trailer.)
Director: Well, I�m glad that they�re.. happy. (smiles and begins to dance around)
Washu: I�m beginning to think I may have given him too much of that medication...
Ryoko: Perhaps mother, just perhaps.
(Sasami walks up.)
Sasami: I can�t believe that I associate with you people! You�re all sooo embarrassing! I can�t bring my friends here or anything!!
Ryoko: But Sasami, wouldn't� all your friends like to meet such famous people as us? (sweeps her arm to show the Director dancing around like a blithering idiot, Aeka and Tenchi staggering out of Aeka�s trailer, make-up smeared and clothes all wrinkled and untucked, Mihoshi and Kiyone trying hard to be discrete about making out [and not succeeding], and Washu laughing maniacally.)
Sasami: (bursts into tears) I hate my life!! (Runs from set AGAIN.)
(LadyWillow pops in.)
LadyWillow: How does this always happen?
Ryoko: What?
LadyWillow: Everything gets all messed up! I�m the author for the Goddess�s sake, you�d think I could write everything in order... (sighs) Oh well. Let me try to fix things a bit. (Points to the director, who has stripped down naked and began to jump on a giant trampoline) No more meds for you.
(Director abruptly stops jumping on the trampoline.)
Director: WHAT IN THE HELL IN GOING ON?!?
LadyWillow: There. (points at Tenchi and Aeka) No more sex for you, Tenchi. You haven�t earned it.
Tenchi: (Whimper)
LadyWillow: All better. Now try to keep things correct, okay? (glares at Washu)
,br>
Washu: Okay, I promise. (evil smile)
LadyWillow: Good. (pops out)
-------------------------------------
Director: (whimpers) Don�t come any closer!
(Aeka, Tenchi and Washu all stop walking to the director abruptly)
Aeka: (Whispering) What�s up with him this time?
Director: (rocks back and forth slowly while humming �the insy winsy spider�. His eyes look terribly shifty, and he appears to be very nervous)
Washu: I think that perhaps the withdrawal from being taken off of the antidepressants may have um... made our dear director a bit paranoid...
(Tenchi and Aeka face fault)
Director: (mumbling) They�re coming to get me, they�re coming to get me, they�re coming to get me...
(Kiyone and Mihoshi walk up, both with strange marks on their neck that neither can explain)
Kiyone: What�s up with the director?
Director: (mumbles in a strange voice) call me Paddington. Yesh... Captain Paddington... Captain Paddington Paul.. mwahahahahaha!
Aeka: He�s lost it.
Mihoshi: Maybe we should get him to bed...
Tenchi: What? Da last ting he needs is to go screw! Not fair!
Kiyone: (rolls eyes) She means put him to bed in his trailer, so he can rest. Plus, Mihoshi would never have sex with anyone, especially not with someone of her own gender to STOP LOOKING AT ME WITH DISGUST IN YOUR EYES!!!!! (runs from set)
Mihoshi: She�s still adjusting... (follows after her lady-friend.)
Tenchi: Okay... dat was weird...
----------------------------------------------
Mihoshi: Kiyone, you shouldn't� have made it so obviously that we�re together... they never would have guessed, otherwise.
Kiyone: (Stares at Mihoshi in shock) Is it possible that you�re this SLOW?! We have hickeys all over our necks, and when LadyWillow came to fix everything we were MAKING OUT! How much more obvious can you get?!
Mihoshi: (sits silent for a beat) You�re a good kisser, Kiyone.
Kiyone: (blushes) Really? You think so? (leaps at Mihoshi, and they start making out again)
(Tenchi happens upon them.)
Tenchi: Oooooh boy... yum... (thinks a moment. Or five. He�s a little slow, you know.)
Hey girls!
(Kiyone and Mihoshi break apart abruptly, and Kiyone turns bright red.)
Tenchi: I�ll give ya tree fity if you have sex and let me watch. Oh pleeeeeeease let me watch!! (gets on knees and begs)
Kiyone: You thinking what I�m thinking, Mihoshi?
Mihoshi: I don�t want to have a mass orgy with the entire cast! Aeka probably has many sexually transmitted diseases...
Kiyone: Not THAT! (whispers in Mihoshi�s ear)
Mihoshi: Ooooh, okay!
(Tenchi hangs naked from a tree, by with feet, and a sign hangs around his neck. It reads:
�Hey there! I�m a dirty man whore with a really tiny penis. Will you have sex with me?� People were crowded around him, all laughing and pointing.)
Seryo: (walks up and sees hanging Tenchi) Ooooh... how much do you cost?
(Someone in the crowd shouts �tree fity!�)
Seryo: Okay, good price! (cuts down Tenchi and takes him to his car.) If you�re reaaaally good, I�ll give you five bucks instead!
Tenchi: NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
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Watch out for more, folks!