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How to Properly Court a Lady
As with many of my pieces on Elven etiquette, the information dates well back. However, there are some universal constants, and some other good ideas listed below.
1. Always treat women with the utmost respect.
2. Never use vulgarity in front of a woman.
3. If a woman is in peril, use any means possible to help her.
4. Always offer your cloak to a woman on a cold night, even if she has her own.
5. Always allow a woman to go through a door first, and hold the door for her, this includes carriages. The purpose of this is to keep the woman in sight at all times, to make sure she does not wander off.
6. When riding, always help the woman mount the horse before you mount yours.
7. Dance with every woman at a ball unless they are already dancing with others.
8. Bring gifts every time you call on a woman.
9. Bring gifts to the family of the women you call on.
10. Compliment women well, but with tact. Do not over-compliment, or use the same compliment again and again.
11. Ask a woman for her permission before asking her father for her hand.
12. Court a woman for at least six months before asking a her father for her hand.
13. Do not court more than one woman at a time.
14. If you lose interest in a woman, tell her gently and demonstrate compassion.
15. Do not allow a woman to think you have interest in her if you do not.
16. Upon meeting a woman for the first time, kiss her hand.
17. Before leaving the presence of a woman, kiss her hand.
Note: The proper way to kiss a woman's hand is to get down on one knee, slide your right hand to the underside of a woman's left hand fingers until the end of your first finger rests behind her third finger, never touching above her fingers. Keep your hand straight and clasp your thumb gently across her fingers. Your hand should now be in such a position that the thumb is on the top. Turn your hand so that your thumb faces you. Bend your head down and lightly kiss the top of the woman's hand. Then turn your hand again so your thumb is on top, and then raise her hand slightly, loosening your light grip, which signals to her that you have finished.
18. Never raise your hand to a woman.
19. Never raise your voice to a woman.
20. Never touch a woman during courtship unless given permission.
21. Never dishonor a woman.
22. Show respect to women by bowing.
Note: The proper way to bow is by first standing straight and tall, looking the woman in the eyes. You then bring your feet together, clasp your right hand behind your back in a fist, keeping your forearm parallel with the ground. You keep your upper body straight as you bow.
There are three generally accepted ways to bow:
Deep bow: You lower your eyes and bend down until your upper body is parallel with the ground.
Half bow: You lower your eyes and bend down so your upper body is halfway between upright and a deep bow.
Quarter bow: You keep your eyes straight and bend only slightly, about halfway between upright and a half bow.
23. Do not bore young women with talks of politics or merchanting.
24. Flowers are an acceptable gift to any unmarried woman.
25. Candy, bread and pastry are acceptable gifts to give to any woman acquaintance.
26. Expensive gifts should not be given to a woman until you have secured her hand in marriage.
27. Cheap, poorly made gifts are never acceptable, unless you are very unskilled and have made them by hand.
28. Slaves and horses do not often win women over.
29. It is indecent to buy a woman clothes before you are married.
30. Books, pens, and art supplies make good gifts for the well-schooled woman.
31. Never travel with an unmarried woman that you are courting unchaperoned.
32. You should have a woman's hand in marriage before you finance any voyages or schooling for her.
33. Even if your marriage is only politically motivated, you must court your bride-to-be in the same fashion as any other would be courted. To not is a grave insult to her and her family.
34. When courting a widow or woman who has already been married you may treat her as an equal as many of the restrictions on her behavior have been abolished. This does not mean you are to shirk on your courtly duties in the slightest.
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