| dear myself 06.14.02 |
| Earlier this year, the young adult fellowship at my church in SF had a retreat, where we wrote new year's resolutions. Instead of coming up with a list, I had them write letters to themselves, seal them in envelopes, address them, and give them back to me to hold. I sent those letters out a few weeks ago, at the midway point of 2002, so that everyone could see how on or off the target they were at keeping their resolutions. This past week, I opened up my own letter. It was dated January 20, 2002, and addressed to Melody Gong, assuming I had married world champion kickboxer Alex Gong. It begins with "You've been in Sac for awhile now, ready to go to Brazil, so I'm sure there's a lot on your mind that differs from the day you're writing this." Wow, whoever writing it is must be one smart chickie, because she can see into the future! You can bet there is a lot on my mind that is different. Back then, I was thinking mostly about my life as it was in January...kickboxing, abs, preschoolers, being an admin. assistant, and enjoying my last two months in SF. Today, I am thinking mostly about...abs (okay so THAT hasn't changed), Brazil (and the lessons learned there), where God will lead me after December, patience and openness to discern His will, what will happen with M., and whether or not there will be boba in Brazil. I'd say it's pretty different. Some things that I needed to work on (according to the Mel of January 2002): keeping focus on God, and for some reason, I mentioned not being distracted by boys. I found it odd that I said that because it's not like I was totally attached to someone, although The Enemy was creeping in there. But I told myself that the Indy Chick mentality rocks and guys are just distracting. But I gave myself a way out..."If someone does enter your life, think 'Does he challenge you?' and "Do you challenge him?'" When I wrote that, I never even imagined someone would be entering my life within the year. But surprise, surprise...come April, things were beginning to change. And my answers to those questions? Yes to the first, and yes, according to him, to the second. Second thing, eliminate the "what ifs" and "I've always wanted to..." statements. I've been pretty conscious of this one, although I can't say I've been really good at following it. Live knowing that you may not get the chance again, so seize it. Stop putting things off. Thirdly, be that little violet that seems small and insignificant, but strives to be the best violet ever. This refers to a story I read in my devotions back then. If God had wanted someone else, He would have made me that person. Celebrate your individuality and don't compare yourself to others. Most importantly, cling closely to God. To know Him means to know what His concerns are. What breaks His heart will break yours. I reminded myself to be beefing up spiritually for the trip, and I really feel like being back at home and having more time to myself with less distractions has provided me with a better devotional and prayer life. Having to slow down and have a very free schedule was almost scary for me, but it's been worth it, and I know I'm ready to go to Brazil and back to working full days. I also look forward to having more time to spend with Him there. Without the distractions of the telly or the computer, I know I will be reading more and valuing my devotional time. Lastly, the letter ended with some words to encourage me..."This is your year. The year of the Horse. The year of the Indy Chick--the year you blossom as how God intended. Shed the insecurities and remember that your confidence and belonging comes from God. He will not abandon you or disappoint you. But it's up to you not to disappoint Him. Surround yourself with what is pure and good, encouraging and uplifting. In the same way, be only that to other people. Shed the negativity and radiate goodness and indy-ness. Walk into a room and radiate." Ahh...big dreams and big goals, but little by little, steps can be taken to reach them...they will be reached. In time. |
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| P.S. HAPPY BIRTHDAY KIT HUNG CHUNG!! |