in with the new, out with the old

In with the new...

Welcome to the first entry from my home in good ol' Sactown. I hesitate to look around because my room is a mess. I hate seeing it this way, but I have to remember that it takes time to clean it up. The move went smoothly and fortunately, my cousin rode back with me and prevented me from dwelling in the sadness of leaving the Bay Area. I still feel like I'm just passing through for the holidays or a weekend...but after a week or so, after attending church again, I think it will hit me. I'm here to stay...at least for four months.

On my first full day back, I completely cleaned out my room. I took down old posters and memorabilia and actually dumped out a lot. It looks like I'm moving again with all the bags and boxes of garbage. I'm a sentimental packrat but there comes a time in a girl's life when she has to throw out those old reports from elementary school...the class notes from junior high...and yes, even the souveniers from high school proms. I've never had a room with bare walls, so it's kind of nice right now to look at my walls and see nothing...welll, nothing but markings from masking tape that have been up for about 10 years. I plan to move in some of the decor from my Bay Area life though. This room needs to be a reflection of who I am today. I even rearranged some of the furniture. I figure it's a new start back at home, and with that comes a new look. Once I get the place cleaned up, I think it will be a positive change.

I have to make sure I don't get used to being alone all the time. Days in the house all by myself are kind of nice, but I think it's also important that I get out and about...maybe meet up with people. I haven't felt motivated to call people though. Maybe I'm telling myself that if I don't see people, don't talk to people, I can still pretend that I'm not really living here. It's just a completely different feeling. I went to Hong's coffee and tea house yesterday and wasn't sure how to tell her that her tapioca drinks weren't quite the same as the ones in SF. The balls were undercooked and needed brown sugar...the tea was a bit watery...I wanted to run back to Daly City for some of Linda's drinks. The gym that mom and dad have membership at is huge...overwhelming with all those machines and young people (and once again, I'm noticing how many white people are around!!)...I wanted to hide back in the humble, comfortable confines of Stonestown YMCA where most of the people working out were 50+ years old.

Things aren't going to be the same here as they are in SF and they never will be.

Out with the old...
My parents are scrambling to set up a Living Trust before we leave for China. They said that since we're all going on a trip together, they need to figure out who will take care of our things if something happens to all four of us on the trip. The unspoken message: if we die, things need to be organized back here at home. They're discussing how much money should be given to the siblings, where we should donate money to, who will manage the selling of the house, etc. It's nervewracking if you ask me. Do we set aside money for the funeral? Will we have our bodies shipped from China? I mean, REALLY mom and dad...and we're supposed to be looking forward to this trip?!

They asked me who would get my car...I said Kara but I think I would really give it to Alonso since I'm sure Kara's parents could afford to buy her a car. It would almost be a joke to give it to Alonso because he was always making fun of it. hahah...I also said I would give my money to Miracle Ranch. My dad responded, "What money?!" He has a point there. But there are so many other little things that would have no monetary value, but are more personal possessions that I would want friends to have, like my books, craft things, CDs...boy, I'd hate to be the one who has to go through my room after I die. Fortunately I'm making it easier by cleaning out my room this week. Maybe I should leave little Post-Its on everything to designate who gets what. Dorc gets my baseball cards, of course. Queencie gets my capoeira stuff...but she, Dorc, Trish and ET will split up my books and CDs. And my diaries/journals...I'm not ready for them to read all my deep dark secrets yet!

What am I talking about?! Nothing will happen on this trip except that we'll have a good time in the Motherland. And if anything *does* happen, well, that's not my problem. I'll be rejoicing in Heaven. =)