debrief

World Christian Conference 2002...a conference for missions-minded Christians, but not necessarily ones who only intend to go overseas for missions work. The conference serves to minister to senders and goers alike, and those who want to serve Him but are not sure in which capacity yet. Last year was when I felt God calling me to stay at my workplace and see it as a mission field. That lesson changed my viewpoint of Meetings Media and I went back with the conscious effort to speak more about my faith...and as I opened up, I saw God using me to reach out to people. It was amazing...fast forward one year and now I am being sent to Brazil to do some work. Last year, I didn't know when God would call me overseas...or if He would call me at all, but now that I'm seeing the plan unfold, it's reaffirming to see that God really is in control and has His own timing and plan for everything.

Where do I begin? I've felt like I had some time to "debrief" after phone calls with Dorc and Kevin, just sharing with them about what I've learned at the conference and how I could apply them to my lives. I feel like I just talked and talked and it felt good to get everything out. The whole way home from the conference, I felt like I would burst because I just wanted to talk about it and process everything I learned...but I couldn't because if you don't have a willing listener, you can't be an open talker. Point aside though, here are some of the major lessons:

My relationship with the church family...I love my brothers and sisters at church, and yes, they are my friends, but I feel like I haven't opened up to them as real friends do. I enjoy listening to them and asking them about how they are doing...and they do so to me, too, but I seldom honestly open up to them. I tell them surface problems, but when it comes to really pouring out my soul, I tend to give the impression that things are "okay" and if I'm struggling with something, it's not that big of a deal. But in real friendships, there needs to be an exchange of real dialogue...real sharing of our struggles and joys...an authenticity that lets the other person get to know the real you. I don't feel like many people at church know the "real" me...they know I love green and I love to write and work with kids. Even when I was shopping with B. yesterday, she was making all these comments about "You would like this, Mel!" "Oh this is your type" or "I can see you doing this..." and it was almost humorous because everything she said was just so wrong. I was thinking, "You don't know me AT ALL." And I've tried...when I try to open up to her, she just doesn't listen so I've stopped trying.

Something else I will take away from WCC 2002 is the Prayer of Detachment, passed out by one of the speakers, Chi-Hok Wong. The first section of the prayer starts with "Deliver me Jesus..." and goes on to list desires...desires to be loved by people, to be praised, to be consulted, to be preferred, to be popular. The second section says "Deliver me Jesus..." and further lists fears...fears of being humiliated, of being wronged, of being forgotten, of being rebuked. The third section prays about putting others first...that others be chosen instead of us, that others be praised instead of us...and that we may graciously be overlooked while others are given attention. It's definitely a hard prayer...and a humbling one...but I believe that the prayer will help you see that your worth is given to you by God and is not determined by any worth that other people attach to you.