| big wheel turning 02.05.03 |
| Although it's February, I feel like my new year has been put on hold because of my trip to LA and also M's time up here in Sacramento. The time together was great, long overdue, and gave us a lot of time to really get to know each other in person, rather than just through e-mails and phone calls. You can really learn about someone through written communication and phone calls, but you learn a different side about them when you interact in person. Throughout the month, the whole idea of starting the year officially and figuring out what the year held for me was put off. But the idea still loomed overhead, and when M. drove off Monday afternoon, I was ready to get in gear and start the new year and the new me. I don't have a list of resolutions, but there are just the ongoing things that I want to work on, such as my relationship with God, staying in shape, learning some new crafts, etc. But one thing I would like to work on right now is finding a job. Oh, the torturous process of The Hunt. I really hate it, and every time I go through it, I feel like it just goes on forever and ever. I feel like each description doesn't apply to me, but at the same time, I am not really sure of what I am looking for to begin with. Then I check out jobs that are totally on the other end of the spectrum and I get these flighty ideas of changing careers, like becoming a marine biologist to work with dolphins or investing in some more law courses so I could be a criminal investigator. But in the end, I always go back to journalism. We always find our way back to what we love. Today I was praying and asking God for patience in this process. I have only been looking seriously for one day, and after that, I thought, Oh man, I will never find a job...after ONE day. Talk about impatient! So I prayed and asked God to remind me of how He brought me through the other job searches. They lasted quite awhile and there were times of discouragement where I thought I was unqualified for everything or the jobs out there were just too boring. What would my options be like? Could I make it as a freelance writer? Could I really sell crafts and pay rent too? But in those times, the jobs came in the end that were worth waiting for and that were ideal for my situation and my needs at the time. I am reminded once again of the Israelites traveling in the desert who complained time and again about how hungry they were, how thirsty they were, how tired they were...and each time, God provided them with enough to make them stop complaining. Praise God for His provisions, they said. But give them a little time and they were complaining again. The cycle went on for awhile, and like me, the cycle is coming around again and here I am, forgetting about my past experiences. Really, I should be thankful for this time off. I should be thankful that I can tackle each day with renewed fervor, eager to work on new projects. Yeah there are some downsides like I'm not getting paid and that once again, I'm not in the same city as M. But at least I'm living rent-free and at least M. and I are in the same time zone. So as the big wheel keeps on turning, I have to remember that it doesn't have to be the same as last time. I don't have to drone on and on about how I will never find a job. I could make this year whatever I want it to be. I could look at things with a new light and really take advantage of this time off. It's a new year...a new me. |
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