| true to the indy 02.06.03 |
| Every phase in this relationship is such a learning experience for me. In the beginning, I got used to this pattern of talking every night to M. and spinning out these long, elaborate e-mails where we got to know each other. It was great...then there was the month together in Brazil where we saw each other everyday, although quality time together was still rare. Then there was the majority of our relationship where the daily e-mails continued, but phone calls were limited to once a week due to financial and time constraints. More recently, we had a month of uninterrupted quality time together where the only thing on our schedule was each other. Currently, we're back in our respective cities, without the daily e-mails, without daily phone calls. We're taking it a day at a time...to call whenever we feel like it, to not feel like we really need to e-mail each other everyday. And it's great. I was a little nervous that after the month together, I'd turn into a really dependent girlfriend. The clingy type who demands to talk to the boyfriend each night before sleeping, wanting to know how much he missed me. Although I admit I do miss him a lot and look forward to seeing him again, it's also nice to have this time to myself to do things I need to do. My room needs to be cleaned and organized. I need to do extensive searches on the Internet for jobs. I would like to maintain relationships with my friends via e-mail and phone calls. If it were up to me, I'd like us to still be within quick driving distance of one another, like to be in the same city. But to be a guest at his house, or for him to be a guest at my house, it's hard to get much done. I loved every minute of our time together, but there was also a part of me that knew that I needed MY time to get things done. Although I know that being in a relationship means letting myself be a little dependent on the person and really opening up my needs to him, that doesn't mean that I have to be a leech...someone that just sticks onto the other person and doesn't make a move without getting his approval. I'm happy to see that I still feel that little tugging, that yearning to have that indy-ness alive inside me, even if we're 360 miles apart or right in the same house. I feel safe that it will keep me in line...it will allow me to still be myself when we are apart. I don't want to become M. and I don't want him to become me. There are positive aspects about him that I would like to rub off on me, but regardless, I still want to be an Indy Chick. |
 |