to the family at [organization here]

I never thought of myself as someone who needed a place to belong, or something to affiliate myself. But I look back at my life and I see myself attached to various groups and organizations. Maybe I just enjoyed doing activities, but maybe I was also addicted to the pseudo-family that I gained in these groups. In elementary school, there was ballet. In high school, there was Footworks, tennis, and cheerleading. In college, there were the school publications. Post-college, there was capoeira and kickboxing. And all through life, in addition to those, there were the church fellowships.

I tend to get attached to people...to groups...to feelings, and in all these groups, there was a feeling of family, community...belonging. I love walking into a room and feeling like I could be myself. I look around the room and see familiar faces. I like seeing these people regularly, working together through good and bad times, and feeling like ultimately, we're reaching a goal as one unit.

But is it good to get used to this kind of feeling? Is it good to almost depend on something like this? Capoeira was the biggest thing in my life for the past two and a half years and I loved it. I loved the art and I also liked seeing the same people several times a week. We sweated together, endured injuries together, and then during the good times, we laughed and danced together. I was confident and totally myself with them. But when I left the group, does that mean that feeling ends? Does it mean I have to start all over with another group? Do I need another group?

Kickboxing doesn't present nearly the same level of family as capoeira. I go and leave, chatting briefly with familiar faces, but not taking time to really get to know them. I don't miss capoeira as much as I thought I would, but I miss that family that we all worked to build up together. Before when I met people who were interested in capoeira, I would enthusiastically invite them to class. I could tell them all about it, the class schedules, etc. But now, do I still encourage them to go?

Another thing about that sense of belonging...being able to say that you're affiliated with something. Should I still wear my Omulu sweatshirt? Do I get a Fairtex sweatshirt if I'm only with them for a few months? Should I ask for a YMCA t-shirt before I leave? My YFA t-shirt is covered. Does wearing something from an organization automatically validate your place in this world? And if you don't have something like that, does that mean you're just wasting space in the world?

It's often hard for me to remember that my "place" isn't through an organization or a title...I can't depend on some outside organization to make me feel like I belong in this world. Hello, my name is Mel and I pay $90 to keep my place in this world. As God's children, we should already know that we have worth, we have that sense of belonging, and even if we're not part of any group, being in His family is all that we need.

Ugh. I'm feeling too serious about all of this, probably because I went to kickboxing for the first time last night since the Christmas break. Plus, I'm starting to think too much about what I'm writing and trying to make it too essay-ish. That's not what this is for. This is lame.