Epilogue
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| End and Begin Again | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| by Lady Janus | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Disclaimer: See Part 1. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| End and Begin Again | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Part 8b: Picking up the pieces (continued) | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Rating: PG-13 | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Kathryn smiled and nodded her acknowledgement of Chell's enthusiastic greeting as she breezed into the mess hall for a cup of coffee on her way to the bridge. From the smell of things, the portly, blue-skinned Bolian was getting a head start on lunch--warp core chilli, or some such thing to strip away the epithelial lining in her mouth and oesophagus. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Her smile didn't fade until she was safely in turbolift. She took a deep breath and then a bracing sip of coffee, willing her doubts and fears back into the pit of her stomach. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "Never let them see you cry," she told herself firmly. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Voyager's crew needed their Captain, even when Kathryn woke up in a terrified tangle of sheets and gasping for air as phantom hands about her throat squeezed the life out of her. Even when Kathryn was afraid to be alone in her quarters; afraid to close her eyes at night. Rubbing away the lump in her throat, she forced herself to stay on top of the tears that threatened to escape, barely hanging on to her captain's mask as the doors opened. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Chakotay rose immediately as she stepped onto the bridge surprised to see her there at 09:00 hours in civilian clothes; she still had at least another week in the Doctor's imposed vacation. She forced her lips to curl into a smile as she waved him off. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "I know, Commander," she said. "Do me a favour? I'm not here; forget you even saw me." His eyes brightened and he chuckled at her conspiratorial tone. "I just came to get a few things from my desk--I'm meeting B'Elanna in an hour to go over her work on the ablative armour." | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "Understood Captain," he replied. "You were never here!" | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "Thanks, I'll be out of your hair in a couple of minutes," she said, disappearing into her ready-room. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Kathryn sat stiffly behind her desk; despite the Doctor's hyposprays, she still experienced a dull, throbbing ache in her lower back and abdomen, which got worse as the drugs wore off towards midday. However, it would be another two weeks or more before she was healed enough to be completely free from pain. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Seven of Nine had left sickbay and three days before, made a sullen, resentful apology to Kathryn, before returning to work. But this time, at U'Lanai's urging, instead of being the semi-despotic ruler of the astrometric lab, Kathryn had turned over Stellar Cartography to Jenny Delaney and Lieutenant Yortig and arranged it so that Seven would be reporting to the new Astrometric Head, Megan Delaney, under Tuvok's watchful supervision. As U'Lanai put it, Seven might still have that incredible intellect of hers, but did the Captain really want a hormonal fourteen-year-old, no matter how intelligent, in charge of a vital department on the ship? | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| And no matter how unfair it might seem or how resentful Seven was of her demotion, Kathryn knew that the former Borg was even more ill equipped now to deal with the personalities of the crew members who served in Astrometrics. Or with the emotional fallout if anything were to go wrong while she was in charge. But it still hurt to see the resentment and flashes of hatred in Seven's eyes each time they met. And there were moments when Kathryn wanted nothing more than hold the vulnerable young woman close, stroke her hair and tell her everything would be all right--even though seeing her brought flashbacks of that twisted nightmarish face floating above her while trying to suffocate the very life from her. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Kathryn coughed involuntarily. Chest heaving in staccato bursts, she forgot how to breathe. Violent shudders ripped through her and it took a few moments for her to recognise that she was close to a full-blown panic attack. After a couple of deep cleansing breaths, she brought herself under control and dried her eyes with trembling fingers. She sat motionless for a while, staring off into nothingness, trying to marshal enough strength to get her through the rest of the day--or barring that, she'd settle for the next few hours. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Of course, rumours flew around the ship at warp 10 regarding the night Seven had attacked the Captain. Although the Command Staff had released an official statement explaining that a malfunction in one of Seven's implants had caused her to act irrationally, it only added fuel to the fire. The latest one making the rounds was that Chakotay and Kathryn had made up after the incident on the holodeck and that the day Seven had attacked Kathryn, she'd caught Chakotay sneaking out of the Captain's quarters at 05:00 hours. It made her so angry, it blew a fuse in her implant. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Kathryn smiled a small, bitter smile; she thought she recognised Tom Paris' deft handling of the situation in there somewhere. She'd been angry when she first heard the gossip, but as Tuvok had said, "humans talk". It was inevitable and it was better to use Paris' ability to steer the rumours so that they died a natural death, than try to quash them and imply some impropriety between the Captain and Commander they were trying to hide. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Like a captain desperately in love with her first officer. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Bringing her mind back to the task at hand, she rifled through the compartments in the lower desk draw and quickly found the PADDs of notes she was after. As she pulled out the last PADD, her fingers brushed against something hard at the bottom of the compartment. She knew what it was even before her tactile senses registered the smooth, rounded edge, the embossed top and that sensuous feel of the chain links as she pulled it out of the drawer. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| The silver watch gleamed in the light; Kathryn's heart broke again at seeing it--another reminder of lost opportunity. Chakotay had given it to her on her birthday three years before, allowing her to briefly glimpse the love in his eyes that she'd found so overwhelming--the love she had ignored because she found it too threatening to her resolve of getting her crew home. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| The love she could only wish for now. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| She kissed the watch reverently and slipped it into her pocket. First things first. She and Chakotay needed to rebuild their professional relationship and they both needed space and time to heal. And they needed to get their friendship back on the solid footing before turning their thoughts to other things. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Gathering up the PADDs, she steeled herself against the dull pain, rose and left the ready-room at a brisk clip. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| # | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "I deserved to be at that briefing!" Seven shouted angrily. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Ombagi U'Lanai uncurled from the traditional ahn'kir meditative position most Vulcan women practised instead of the rigors of kolin'ar and studied the young woman pacing the confines of her living room. Today was obviously not going to be a day for quiet meditation. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| The change in Seven was remarkable. Gone were the revealing, body-hugging catsuits she'd favoured since the Doctor removed her from the Borg body armour. The baggy grey sweater and black slacks she was wearing--like most of her clothing now--were probably the most dowdy-looking, shapeless things she could find in the replicator. But put her in a Vulcan ceremonial robe and you'd still be aware of that knock out figure . . . | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Much to Seven's own consternation, Ombagi thought as she watched the object of her concern unconsciously tug at the sweater where it clung to her ample bosom. U'Lanai could see that she was painfully aware now of her body and her very real, albeit adolescent confusion regarding its effect on the opposite gender. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Of course, there were still moments when she could be frighteningly Borg when dealing with people, but those incidents were mitigated by almost equally frightening bouts of uncontrollable emotion--especially anger--and her mood, despite the stabilisers, could change at the drop of the proverbial hat. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Seven was a study in contradictions now, simultaneously clinging more than ever to her logical "Borg philosophy of efficiency" as the Captain called it, yet irrationally becoming angry when someone pointed out a flaw in her reasoning or a mistake she'd made. The thought that the shortest distance between two points was not always a straight line was an anathema to her. Furthermore, she took an inordinate amount of pride in showing off her Borg-enhanced intellect, but did everything she could to hide her remaining implants--like the way she wore her hair now, practically covering her left eye. And she'd developed a nervous habit of hiding her enhanced hand behind her back when she wasn't using it. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "Why do you think you deserved to go?" Ombagi asked quietly. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "Because I did all the mapping for the sector we're entering!" she retorted. "And I know the astrometrics systems far better than Megan Delaney. She wastes valuable time hunting and pecking through the files because half of the time she doesn't even know what she's supposed to be looking for! | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| And you're not about to help her, Ombagi thought ruefully. Time for a reality check. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "Lieutenant Delaney is the head of the Astrometrics Department now," Ombagi said. Seven glared at her. "I'm sure that if she'd needed your help with the presentation to the Captain, she would have asked you to accompany her." | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "It's my department!" she said harshly. Her voice shook as she tried to control herself. "My hard work that made it what it is--without me this ship would still be scrambling around with half-blind sensors!" | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "And it's not fair." | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "Not fair! Not fair?" she screamed. "It's her fault that this happened in the first place!" | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "How do you figure that?" Ombagi asked maintaining her calm. She didn't have to ask who Seven was referring to--the Captain. She also recognised that this tendency towards blaming the victim for the crime was a common effect of dealing with denial, but she didn't have to like the ugliness of it. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "She should have returned me to the Borg at the beginning!" Seven shouted. "I begged her to . . . but no . . . she knew what was best. She wanted to liberate me, but only to make me one of her personal reclamation projects. Make me over in her image! And I hated her!" she snarled. "I hated her then and I despise her now! And as the years passed, I knew that I would never want to be like her--that I wanted nothing from her!" | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "Except Chakotay," Ombagi said softly. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Seven stiffened . . . shocked. Emotions flitted across her face like winds across an open plain. She turned away. "She never wanted him," she said, voice hoarse and cracking. "She never cared for him." | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "Is that what you told yourself?" Ombagi asked rather brutally. "Is that how you justified it to yourself?" | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "She fucked Tuvok!" she snarled, eyes brimming with tears as she spun to face Ombagi again. "She never wanted Chakotay! He followed her for seven years and she betrayed him with Tuvok!" | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Ombagi had known from Tuvok's briefing that Seven had compromised ship's security in a number of ways, but it only now sunk in that the young woman had been spying on her shipmates--spying on her Captain. But if Seven was expecting her to be shocked at the news that Janeway had made love with Tuvok, she would be sorely disappointed. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "You'd been dating Chakotay for months, Seven, before the Captain ever ventured into Tuvok's bed. She betrayed no one." | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Seven stared in confusion. "How do you know that? How do you know when it happened?" | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "Because I'm the one who told Captain Janeway what she needed to know to save Tuvok's sanity and his life," Ombagi said. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Seven stared at her as if she'd suddenly grown a second head. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Ombagi's eyes narrowed. "And the fact that you know about that incident makes me wonder about what other despicable things you did in order to hurt the Captain," she said harshly. "I thought that coming between her and Chakotay was bad enough, and then you trumped that by nearly beating her to death. But just how low did you go in this quest of yours to hurt the only person--besides your parents--to love you unconditionally and believe in you despite all your faults." | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "Oh, my parents loved me so much they got me assimilated!" she sneered and suddenly Ombagi felt as if she was slogging through quicksand and sinking fast. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| What the hell did I get myself into? she wondered in despair as she stared at Seven in disbelief. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| The younger woman continued her venomous rant as she paced the room. "Their research was far more important than my safety!" she shouted. "I remember my aunt begging them to leave me with her, but they didn't care. All they cared about was making a name for themselves and silencing their critics by being the first to document that such a society like the Borg could exist. It wasn't love that made them take me along on their grand adventure--it was nothing but pure selfishness. They ruined my life, yet they barely acknowledged that I existed outside their precious research!" | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Seven turned on Ombagi and invaded her space. "So don't talk to me about love!" she spat. "And if they weren't as good as dead already, I'd--" | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| She stopped suddenly and walked towards the door. Ombagi caught her arm and pulled her up short. Seven struggled against her grip and if U'Lanai had been anything less than part Vulcan, she doubted she would have been able to hold the former Borg woman. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "If they weren't as good as dead, what would you do?" Ombagi demanded. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Tears rained down Seven's cheeks. She jerked her arm away and stumbled towards the door. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "People make mistakes, Seven, even when they love you and Kathryn Janeway doesn't deserve to be punished for what your parents did!" Ombagi shouted after her. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| The door slid shut with a barely audible shush! Ombagi U'Lanai picked up a chair and hurled it against the wall. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| # | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Chakotay found Seven sobbing brokenly in the cargo-bay she'd occupied for more than four years, huddled in the dark recess between her regeneration alcove and Icheb's. Gathering her up in his arms, he sat down on the alcove's base and cradled her in his lap, not speaking as he waited for her to cry herself out. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| God, what a mess, he thought tiredly. She clung desperately to him. Her tears soaked through his uniform, but it was the least he could do after U'Lanai had reported the outcome of her latest session with Seven. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "Go to her, Commander," U'Lanai had counselled. "She needs to know that we're here, that you're here for her to lean on when she needs it. And that it doesn't make her weak for needing a shoulder to cry on." | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Gradually, her tears ceased and he realised that she had fallen asleep. It hit him then; for perhaps the first time in over twenty years, this young woman had cried herself to sleep. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Chakotay sat quietly for a few more minutes, reluctant to move too soon and wake her. Suddenly he was aware of a presence behind him and knew instinctively who it was--who it could only be. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| He rose and turned to face Kathryn; she nodded solemnly. He didn't have to ask what she was doing there; no matter what Seven did, Kathryn's concern would always be for her daughter. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "Computer," she said. "Transport Commander Chakotay and Seven of Nine to Seven of Nine's quarters." | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| # Epilogue Previous Back to Stories Back to Main Index |
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