End and Begin Again

End and Begin Again

by Lady Janus

Disclaimer: See Part 1.

End and Begin Again

Part 8a: Picking up the pieces

Rating: PG-13

Kathryn had left sickbay and was comfortably settled in her quarters before the Doctor allowed Seven to regain consciousness. Chakotay stood by her bedside and watched her slowly wake up from her drug-induced sleep. She turned her head and met his gaze. A smile lit up her features--the guile-less, child-like smile of an innocent.

The smile was fleeting though; it rapidly dissolved into confusion as she realised where she was. "Chakotay?" she whispered as the doors opened and Tuvok and U'Lanai entered. "What happened? What am I doing in sickbay? Why is Tuvok here?"

He forced himself to let go of his anger and recriminations. He wasn't a blameless bystander; he had no right to sit in judgement of her. "What do you remember, Seven?" he asked quietly.

"About what?" she asked. "I don't understand--everything's a jumble . . . all my thoughts and memories!" She was starting to panic now, her breath coming in short, hoarse gasps. "I was so angry . . . Why was I so angry, Chakotay?"

"You remember being angry?" he prodded.

"Yes!"

"Who were you angry with?"

The fear in her wild, blue eyes broke his heart as she struggled to get up, only to find herself restrained by the bio-bed's immobility field.

"What's going on?" she demanded.

"Please, Seven," the Doctor said gently. "Try to calm down." Her eyes brimmed with tears as she looked up mutely at him.

"What was the last thing you remember?" Chakotay persisted, ignoring the Doctor's glare, but knowing he was coming dangerously close to pushing her further than the physician--and indeed Kathryn, were she there--would like.

Her eyes looked through him as she searched her memories. "Ensign Celes handed in her report--it was sloppily done. I ordered her to redo it properly," she said bluntly.

"Then what happened?" Chakotay asked after she'd been silent a few minutes.

"She refused to do the work, became insubordinate . . . told me that she was off-duty and that if I wanted it done again to do it myself . . . if I had a problem with her work to take it up with the Captain!" Seven struggled to get the words out. "Then they were laughing at meee!" she wailed, tears coursing down her face.

"Why were they laughing at you?" Tuvok asked.

"I d-don't know," she cried in confusion. "They're always laughing--telling jokes that I don't understand . . . m-mocking me! As they were leaving, Ensign Celes angrily asked Lieutenant Delaney "What the hell is eating her?" But Delaney just laughed and answered, "Not what--who?" Then she said, "Or maybe that's the problem. Despite the goods on display, he hasn't bellied up to the Swedish Smorgasbord to chow down. Something tells me he prefers good Irish coffee much more!" And--and then they left, laughing at me and I didn't understand why!"

The undeniable crudity implicit in Jenny Delaney's calculatedly cruel barb was not lost on Chakotay. It was calculated to lose Seven though. All she would know was that they were making fun of her at her expense, but with her failsafe turned off and her cancerous jealousy, things that neither Delaney nor Celes could have known, it was enough to set her off like sensor-guided missile straight at Kathryn. Everything else that had happened that night had provided another number in the detonation sequence--he'd simply provided the last digit in the sequence by threatening to break up with her.

"So you went the Captain's quarters," Tuvok prompted.

"Yes."

"Even though you were specifically told that the Captain was not to be disturbed for the evening," Tuvok persisted.

"I-I was angry," she tried to explain, her confusion plain on her face. "I wanted her to remove Celes from the Astrometrics rotation roster for her insubordination and sub-standard work! But the Captain ignored me!" Seven said harshly, ice-blue eyes hard and angry. "She wouldn't answer my hails even though the computer indicated that she was not asleep."

"So you broke into Captain Janeway's quarters," Tuvok pressed her, "invaded her privacy."

"I needed to talk to her!" Seven shouted sulkily.

"How long have you had my command codes?" Chakotay asked quietly. She looked away, but there was no shame in her body language. "How long, Seven?"

"Since our twelfth date, four months ago," she replied defiantly meeting his gaze. He blanched and stared at her in disbelief.

"I've changed it twice since then," he said hoarsely. She said nothing. Each time she'd probably acquired them again within ten minutes of him changing them. "Tell me, did you read my logs too?" he raged bitterly.

Again, she could not meet his gaze; this time he couldn't tell if she was ashamed or not. His gut roiled; he wanted to throw up.

"And how long have you had my codes?" Tuvok asked with deceptive mildness.

"The same length of time," she answered softly. "Since Stardate 55150.1."

"The Captain's as well?" Tuvok demanded.

"No," she whispered.

"Why not?" Tuvok persisted.

She was silent for a long moment. Chakotay met the Doctor's stricken gaze. Finally, she answered.

"I couldn't break the final encryption sequence--" They stared at her in shock. "The encryption isn't Starfleet; it's predicated on questions I had no answers to and her code blocks are set up in such a way that they're useless without the encrypted part. I could mimic her voice authorisation and I could program my nanoprobes to mimic her bio-signature, but I couldn't get her command codes. I set up an algorithm to figure out the possible answers to her questions, but they keep changing randomly every few weeks and the program could find no point of congruence except for identifying the latest one as a type of doggerel called a limerick and another as a riddle. Even then I couldn't find the answers to them in the database."

Chakotay laughed. Tuvok's eyebrow shot up at his explosion of hilarity and Seven glared at him pointedly, but he couldn't help it--it was too delicious to be borne! Limericks! Talk about stumping the Borg. The one thing the Borg never had use for--the one thing Seven never had use for . . . count on Kathryn to use humour as an encryption key!

"What was it, Seven?" he gasped out between giggles; behind him U'Lanai smothered her own laughter by placing her hand over her mouth. Seven looked at Chakotay in confusion as he brought his laughter under control. "What was the limerick?" he clarified.

"I don't see what relevance it could have," she said petulantly.

"Just tell me."

There once was a Barbie from Borg,

Whose Queen stuck a torpedo up her org--

Mistress Le Pain finally found her,

Blindfolded, gagged and bound her,

Asking "Ever tongue a Bullfrog dans la Rue Morgue?"

Chakotay could only stare at her in disbelief. There was no doubt in his mind that Kathryn had made that dirty little gem up to be as impenetrable to Seven as Jenny Delaney's wisecrack had been. Furthermore, unless he missed his guess, it would have a very private meaning to Kathryn. But worse, Seven didn't even seem to realise that it was aimed directly at her.

"It seemed to require a simple "yes or no" answer," Seven continued in frustration. "But neither worked and numbers didn't work--nothing I could possibly think up to answer it worked. Why would anyone want to lick an amphibian in a morgue?"

"That you'll have to ask the Captain," Chakotay said.

"We are getting rather far afield, Commander," Tuvok said repressively. "Seven, you attacked Captain Janeway that night--"

Her eyes widened in shock and disbelief again.

"Why?" Tuvok demanded.

"I didn't!" she protested.

"You beat the Captain to within an inch of her life with your bare hands," Chakotay said, all mirth gone from his voice and deciding not to spare her the truth. "You smashed her face, broke three of her ribs, pulverised her kidney--"

"I couldn't have!" she insisted, her voice hoarse and raw. But Chakotay could hear the doubt creeping into it.

The doctor turned the console at her right elbow so that she could see the images of Kathryn's broken body.

"You beat her so severely, Seven," the Doctor said, his voice hard and devoid of emotion. "Her heart stopped twice before I could get her stabilised. It took intensive regeneration therapy to repair most of her physical injuries and four hours of internal surgery to regenerate and replace her kidney. You nearly killed her, Seven. Why?"

Seven's eyes were glued to the console; Kathryn's battered face--unrecognisable with eyes swollen shut--was on it. Chakotay watched the horrible realisation dawn for the former Borg woman. Tears ran down her face unchecked and her breath came in hoarse, wrenching sobs.

"Why did you deactivate your implant's failsafe?" Tuvok persisted.

"I'm s-sooorrrrry!" she cried wretchedly.

"That isn't good enough, Seven!" the Doctor said angrily. "You coerced me into stepping down the emotional governing it gave and you knew that it would take time before you were ready to start experiencing the full range of emotions!"

"I thought I could handle it!" she wailed. "I only meant to deactivate it for a short time--I thought that instead of the slow, inefficient process of easing its influence by stepping it down, I could turn it off for short periods of time and build up a tolerance for strong emotions in that fashion."

"What?" the Doctor gasped in disbelief.

"I used the cognitive integrator from my alcove to deactivate and reactivate it a number of times," she explained calming down a bit. "I could feel myself being liberated, yet paradoxically gaining a measure of control over my emotions--mastering them--I don't know what happened, but I guess it didn't work the way I thought it would."

She gazed steadily at Chakotay; he could see the wheels turning behind her calculating blue eyes. "I know I must be punished for what I did, Chakotay," she said. "But I want you and the Captain to know how sorry I am about this. As soon as possible, I will reactivate the failsafe circuitry. I promise I'll allow the Doctor's program to run its course this time."

The room was quiet for a few long moments; long enough to agitate her again. "What is wrong?" she demanded. "I know that the Captain must be angry and that I must be punished. But I said that I was sorry and once the failsafe is reactivated, it won't happen again--I promise!"

"It's not that simple," Chakotay said. She stared at him in confusion.

The Doctor's voice was hard as he spoke. "You can't just put this genie back in the bottle. Did you ever consider that the Borg wouldn't want their drones to have implants with emotional governors that could be turned off and on willy-nilly?"

Her eyes widened with terror and realisation. "No," she whispered.

"The failsafe circuit wasn't designed to take such stress, Seven," the Doctor continued more compassionately now. "You burnt it out either when you turned it off this last time, or due to some feedback surge as a consequence of turning it off and on repeatedly. There's nothing left to reactivate."

"You're wrong!" she insisted struggling against the restraining field again like a frightened bird in a trap. "You have to fix it!" she cried and then began to scream--shrill, piercing screams of pure panic.

The Doctor tried to calm her down, but she only became more hysterical. Chakotay stepped away from the bio-bed to allow him room to work. Finally, the physician had no choice but to sedate her. He met Chakotay's gaze.

"That should keep her out for a few hours," he said. "When she wakes up next, I want to start her on a regimen of mood stabilisers and once she's released, I'll keep her on a bio-monitor to be safe."

"When do you think that might be?" Chakotay asked soberly.

"As early as tomorrow," the Doctor answered and seeing the First Officer's frown, continued hastily as he ushered them into his office. "It's really the best thing."

"The Doctor is right," U'Lanai said speaking for the first time as they all sat down. "Actually, her getting hysterical is a good sign, believe it or not--it means she's recognises that she's facing a scary prospect. I'd have been more concerned if she'd clamped down and tried to go all "Borg" on us."

Chakotay nodded and the young woman smiled at him. "I'll be here when she wakes up again and explain everything to her, sir," she continued. "Now that she knows what happened, her guilt factor--and not to mention her humiliation factor--is going to go through the roof. It will help ease that to some degree if it comes from a relative stranger--someone she has no real emotional investment in."

"Understood," Chakotay replied.

"Good," U'Lanai said. "Commander Tuvok will let her know what formal charges will be laid under the circumstances, what her punishment will be and we'll explain the parameters of my counselling. For the next week or so, I'd like you to keep your distance," she said firmly, holding Chakotay's gaze. "I don't mean for you to go out of your way to avoid her, but I don't think that it would be a good idea for you to seek her out until she can manage to hold her own for more than a few minutes. I think you realise that it's going to be a long, hard road, sir--"

Chakotay could only nod again as she continued. "One thing that probably led to this situation was that her Borg emotional governor gave the impression--to Seven herself and to everyone on this ship--that there was an emotional adult, albeit a naïve one, inside that very adult body of hers. From everything that's happened, what Tuvok described to me and from what I saw here today, I'd place her emotional age right now at somewhere around age thirteen or fourteen--"

Chakotay couldn't help the gasp of horror that escaped his lips; deep down he'd known it, but it was still a shock to hear someone else voice it.

She looked at him with something akin to pity before it dissolved into her placid Vulcan veneer. "That isn't your fault, sir," she said firmly. "Had she not turned off the failsafe or even if she had allowed the Doctor to continue gradually stepping down the failsafe, I doubt there would have been much to worry about on that score. By all standards of human interaction, six months ago, she was effectively the equivalent of a young adult able to give informed consent based on her level of emotional maturity at the time she initiated this relationship with you. Simply because that . . . "maturity", if you will, was due to her implant rather than years of experience, doesn't make it any less real or valid, Commander, nor does it make those emotions she felt at the beginning of your relationship any less real.

"There have been well-documented cases where a normal, healthy woman for example, with thirty-odd adult years of experience, has lost her memories due to a head trauma--and in one case due to a phaser set on stun--to become, in effect a thirteen-year-old trapped in the body of a forty-five year-old. But that doesn't invalidate whatever relationships she might have had with a spouse or lover, family or even children, now does it?" she asked gently.

"No," Chakotay replied hoarsely. "But it would change it afterwards."

"Yes," U'Lanai said. "That can't be helped--the nature of the injury precludes it. Cognitively, a thirteen-year-old isn't ready for an adult relationship. Socio-sexual maturity in most societies, like the onset of puberty, has fluctuated over the centuries. On average, in human society of this era, given life span and other factors, children aren't really considered cognitively or emotionally ready for sexual activity until they're at least seventeen. Some begin earlier at fifteen or sixteen, while others don't start till they're eighteen or nineteen or even well into their twenties if they so choose, but right now the average age for onset of sexual activity is 16.88 years. For the most part, the societal impetus to start having sex at an early age simply isn't there and it shows in the socialisation of most humans. It gives the species quite a long childhood compared to other more sexually precocious species like the Havenites or Risans."

"Commander," the Doctor said, meeting Chakotay's gaze. "As the Captain has told me on more than one occasion, it's possible to do everything right and still have bad things happen."

"Exactly," U'Lanai concurred. "You entered into a relationship predicated on the fact that she was a rather naïve young woman entering into her first real relationship--but a young woman none-the-less who knew what she wanted and went after it. That it's no longer true doesn't mean that it wasn't true at one time. And since there's no way to go back and change it, all we can do now is move forward and a big part of that will be to help Seven move forward from where she's at now. How quickly she moves forward and with how much pain will depend on you to some extent, Commander."

Chakotay took a deep breath. "I had planned to break it off with her," he said. "When do you think that would be appropriate? I don't want her to hurt any more than it has to, but given the circumstances, I don't want her nursing any illusions either."

U'Lanai nodded. "I think even now, deep down, Seven knows that this relationship will end sooner or later--I would prefer sooner," she said bluntly. "As you said, you don't want her harbouring any illusions of happily ever after with you. But as you also said, there's no reason to hurt her unnecessarily. Since no matter what you do, she's going to be hurt, why don't we take it slowly over the next two weeks, gauge her progress and play it by ear? But you'll certainly have to make a clean break before a month is up. It would be unhealthy to have her entertain her fantasies for any longer than that."

Chakotay scrubbed his face tiredly as the entire mess threatened to overwhelm him. And by his own actions, this was one time he couldn't take it and dump it in his best friend's lap. Kathryn had been there for him through Seska's betrayal, Reiley Fraser's mind-fuck, Vori brainwashing and even Teero's assault through Tuvok that led him to perpetrate the greatest assault on her--mutiny! She had not only forgiven his betrayals, but also helped him to get past each upheaval.

"Tuvok, Doctor, can you leave us alone for a few minutes?" Chakotay heard the young woman's request and looked up at her, startled. Tuvok and the Doctor left without comment as U'Lanai and Chakotay continued to stare at each other for a few long minutes.

"You're feeling guilty," she stated at last. "And that's normal, but quite frankly you're not going to help matters if you can't get past it. I can help you to an extent, but my first priority is Seven and for as long as she needs me, that's where it's going to stay. That means, Commander, you're going to have to be the strong one about this--you're going to have to work through the crap and the emotional fallout without being able to dump an equal share where it belongs . . . squarely on Seven's head.

"I won't pretend to understand what she thought she was playing at when she started this--and believe me when I say that it's obvious to most people that she did initiate it--and I don't have the time to even start excavating your motivations. But your actions throughout this relationship--from severing all ties to Janeway to refusing to have sex with Seven--showed that you were aware on some level, of the emotional inequalities inherent in getting involved with her. However, an emotional twenty-one year-old knows something of what she's getting herself into and if you'd broken up with her at that stage, she probably would have given as good as she got and I imagine, come out of it better for the experience."

She smiled ruefully at him and he felt some of the pressure ease from around his heart as he returned a wan smile. "But Commander, through no fault of your own, you're in effect going to be extricating yourself from the role of a thirteen year-old girl's first crush--a crush complicated by a mature woman's recollection of something that had the potential to be much more. There's nothing to be done about it and you can't dump any of it on her because she can't deal with anything but her own emotional upheavals."

"I understand," he said soberly and this time, she nodded.

Tuvok stood outside the door to the Captain's quarters, his hand raised--hovering with uncharacteristic hesitancy near the door announcer before pressing it firmly. Again he struggled to suppress the surge of discomfort that he felt each time he thought of having to tell her that Seven had spied on the fal-tor-voh. However, it had been two days since Kathryn's release from sickbay and his sense of duty prevented him from waiting any longer.

The door opened and he entered to find the Doctor admonishing her about her eating habits as he scanned her with his medical tricorder.

"Ah, Commander," the Doctor said pressing a hypospray against Kathryn's neck to deliver its contents. He gathered up his instruments with practiced efficiency. "Perhaps you can persuade her to eat something," he groused shooting the Captain a pointed look as she curled up on the couch.

"I will try, Doctor," Tuvok replied.

Kathryn rolled her eyes expressively as the Doctor left. "Don't you start harping on me too," she said.

"Then what would you like to eat?" he asked clasping his hands behind his back. "Logically, if we get that task out of the way immediately, then I will have nothing to harp about."

She made a face and stuck her tongue out at him; he raised a questioning eyebrow. "Oh all right!" she huffed, "A cup of beef consommé."

"And perhaps a light sandwich--cucumber?" he suggested, remembering her fondness for the treat her father's mother had indulged her with as a child.

Her expression softened and she nodded; in that moment all masks dropped. He felt her vulnerable emotions as clearly as he had when they were linked. He turned and walked over to the replicator to allow her the privacy to gather herself.

She was rubbing her neck and jaw tiredly when he returned with the tray of food. He placed it on the end table closest to her. She ignored the neat triangles of the sandwich and sipped the steaming broth as he sat down in the armchair across from her.

"I can't feel you anymore," she said quietly. He returned her steady gaze. "When did the bond break?"

"When your heart stopped for the second time, it lasted almost two minutes," Tuvok replied. "It was enough to sever the residual bond."

"Well, that's one way to get rid of me," she quipped, but the sadness in her eyes belied the levity in her tone.

"That would imply an active role in severing the bond on my part--that is not the case. It simply couldn't be helped."

"I know," she admitted. "But it couldn't have been comfortable for you to always have me spying on your feelings."

He looked directly into her blue eyes and saw unfamiliar oceans reflected in their depths. "Kathryn," he said gently. "I felt no discomfort from our bond. I am a Vulcan and a married one at that--" She gave him a rueful look. "Before our sojourn in the delta quadrant, I had someone spying on my feelings and my thoughts for the better part of a century. And when we return, I fully expect to have that someone spying on me for another century or more."

A slow smile curled on her lips and it was like watching the sun had come out from behind a dark cloud, gradually revealing its radiance. As he watched her relax, his conscience warred with his compassion and he was almost tempted to ignore what he'd come there to tell her. Conscience won.

"But while the loss of emotional privacy resulting from the intimacy of the fal-tor-voh was to be expected, a loss of physical privacy through covert surveillance could not be foreseen," he said. She blanched, staring at him in utter shock.

The resultant explosion when she found her voice again was muted only by her lack of physical strength. "Someone spied on us!" Her outraged shout could not be confused with a question.

"Affirmative, Captain," Tuvok replied taking refuge in his training.

Kathryn rose from the couch, her small body taut with rage. "How?" she demanded. Before he could formulate an answer, she shouted, "Who? Who could do something like this?"

He watched the answer to her question crash down on her in a sudden avalanche of understanding. "Seven," she said hoarsely, collapsing weakly onto the couch.

"Yes, Captain. She apparently used Borg algorithms to break into Commander Chakotay and my Command Codes." Kathryn's face was a study of horror and misery as she nodded for him to continue. "She used Chakotay's codes to override your door lock that night and mine to override the site to site transporter protocols when she broke out of the brig. From what I could tell, she has had the Commander and I--as well as others on the senior staff to a lesser degree--under surveillance for much of the last four months."

"She was keeping tabs on Chakotay."

"Yes," he replied, "according to the Doctor, she developed a dangerous fixation on you as a rival for the Commander's affections and with her failsafe removed her jealousy spiralled out of control. Ironically, because of the way you encrypted your codes, she was unable to spy on you, unless you were with someone whose codes she did have."

Her mouth twisted into a bitter parody of a smile. "No sense of humour, huh," she said.

"I regret to inform you that there is more--" She straightened and looked at him with renewed alarm. "During her argument with Commander Chakotay, before I incapacitated her for attacking him, Seven told him about the fal-tor-voh." Kathryn buried her face in her hands. "However, the Commander was not ready to listen to my explanation. I intend to give the Doctor permission to explain my condition to him and why you helped me, if and when he asks for it."

"No!" The word ripped from her throat in a savage growl. She looked up dry-eyed--anger and defiance raged on her face. "This is no one's business but ours and I'll be damned if I'll have the Doctor or even you, Tuvok, justify my actions to him or anyone else! If and when Chakotay and I ever become intimate enough that I judge he needs to know about my previous lovers, I will choose what, when and how to tell him! Do I make myself clear, Tuvok?"

He held her gaze with something akin to renewed respect for the way her words imposed her force of will on him. There could be no argument. "I understand," he said.

"Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to be alone." The tone of her voice and the look in her eyes made it clear that it wasn't a request.

Tuvok rose. "As you wish, Captain," he said. But as he left her quarters, his sensitive ears picked up her desperate, heartbroken sobbing before the door closed.

"Chakotay?" Seven murmured her voice thick with exhaustion as her eyes fluttered behind their lids. Suddenly they popped open and the young woman sat up in one fluid motion--the efficiency of movement a testimony to her Borg reflexes.

Her eyes narrowed with hostility as she found Ensign U'Lanai studying her. "What are you doing here?" she demanded. "Where is Commander Chakotay? I want to speak to him."

Ombagi U'Lanai folded her arms across her chest and sat back in her chair as she regarded the other young woman intently. She wondered how long Seven would keep up her pretense of control. Seven shifted uncomfortably under her steady gaze.

"The Commander is presently attending to other duties," U'Lanai said.

"Then please inform him that I am awake now and that I wish to speak to him as soon as possible," Seven replied.

"The Commander has been informed of your status," Ombagi told her. "The Doctor should be returning to sickbay presently, as well as Lieutenant Commander Tuvok."

"Seven of Nine to Commander Chakotay!"

Seven's voice was hoarse, but imperious as she gave her orders to the computer. "Computer, locate Commander Chakotay."

In the ominous silence that followed, Ombagi opted for naked truth. "You've been stripped of all computer access until further notice," she explained. A brief panic flared in Seven's eyes, before being replaced by smug confidence--confidence in her Borg ability to smash through Voyager's security systems, Ombagi realised.

"Apparently, Security is implementing new ship-wide encryption protocols devised by the Captain," Ombagi continued conversationally, knowing that she ought not to, but none-the-less enjoying the panic that returned to Seven's eyes. "And given that the Captain is currently incapacitated, the Commander may not be available to see you for quite some time."

She watched the former Borg try to conceal her anger and the fear lurking beneath it. "What are you doing here?" Seven demanded, fixing Ombagi with her piercing blue gaze.

"I was asked to be your counsellor, to help you learn to deal with your emotions," Ombagi replied quietly.

"You!" Open disdain twisted Seven's features making her rather ugly in Ombagi's opinion.

Ombagi reigned in her temper before it exploded, reminding herself that she'd agreed to this assignment for the safety of her captain and her shipmates. She knew as well as anyone that if they couldn't get Seven back under control, Janeway might one day be faced with the very real choice of weighing her crew's safety and wellbeing against turning off Seven's emotions or even leaving the ex-Borg behind. Considering her complicated feelings for Seven and given her willingness to give up her relationship with Chakotay to make the younger woman happy, it was a choice that would only add to the Captain's already considerable burden of guilt and could well tear her apart.

Ombagi smirked. "Yeah, funny that," she drawled. "I guess they figured that being a second generation Vulcan hybrid, I might know a thing or two about struggling to balance erratic emotions against a need for the structure emotionless logic provides. I've been asked to help you adjust to your new circumstances."

"I don't need your help," Seven sneered.

Ombagi felt her temper straining against the bonds of her control once more. Her face felt frozen in its mask of Vulcan calm. "You tried to kill the Captain," she said, her voice brutally hard. Seven flinched as if from a physical blow. "You tried to kill the only person who, for some reason I know is unfathomable to you, has always looked for the good in you first--"

"A woman whom," the Doctor interrupted, "when told that the only way to ensure that you wouldn't endanger her crew with these fits of ungovernable rage was a shunt that would bypass all emotions, demanded that I find another solution."

U'Lanai hadn't heard him enter; he made his way over to the biobed glaring angrily at Seven. The former Borg couldn't meet his gaze and bowing her head, fidgeted with her bed's coverlet, pulling it tightly around her body. In that moment, Ombagi could see what Janeway saw in Seven--a lost child.

"Ensign U'Lanai has agreed to be a part of that solution," the Doctor continued, "so that the Captain won't have to watch me flip a switch in your head and turn you into a perfectly compliant drone again." Seven shuddered and nodded; Ombagi could see the tears coursing down her cheeks.

"But you're going to have to work at it, Seven," Ombagi said gently. "And part of that will be meeting with me. Together we will try to build some emotional support structure into your life, but for that to happen, you're going to have to learn reciprocity--learn to provide others with emotional support in return. At first we'll meet as frequently as you need to--" Seven met her gaze with bleak, bewildered expression. "In six months, we'll reassess your progress and decide if you're ready to scale back our meetings to once or twice a month. And as time goes on, we will periodically evaluate how much of my services you'll still require."

"And what if I can't learn to control myself?" Seven cried; voicing the fear Ombagi knew was at the root of her belligerence.

Ombagi studied her intently for a few moments. "If you work hard at it--if you give it an honest try, there's no reason to believe that will happen, Seven," she replied.

"There's nothing biologically wrong with those emotional association centres in your brain that I can tell," the Doctor put in, "other than they've been artificially kept in a juvenile state. I wouldn't even say that they've atrophied--which would have made your recovery infinitely more complicated--it's just that they're the association areas of a young human adolescent. The reason the Borg may use failsafe circuitry to provide emotional governance rather than excising those areas of the brain or allowing them to atrophy, is that those areas are necessary to not only integration of more basic forms of biofeedback, but also to the native intelligence of most humanoids. Furthermore, through the implant, those areas could be co-opted to serve the Borg agenda of assimilation." The Doctor laid his hand on Seven's shoulder. "And that might just be the silver lining to this particular part of the assimilation process."

Seven looked at him; Ombagi could see the kindling of hope in her eyes. "The human brain has a great capacity for plasticity and for learning," he continued gently. "And the brains of children and young adolescents even more so. By artificially inducing those areas to remain juvenile, the Borg not only ensured that they retained an drone's native intelligence while keeping her under full emotional control, but they also ensured the side effect that the potential for a full emotional spectrum could be restored once the controls were removed."

"That's part of the reason why Icheb could give you his implant, yet still have the emotional control of an average adolescent," Ombagi said and Seven turned her attention once more on her. "He did what every child does and we thought nothing of it. He learned that control through experience and example from the adults around him. Most aspects of a species socialisation of their children are not things adults consciously think about--and that's especially true of humans. But Icheb was also lucky in that he was the emotional age in keeping with his outward physiology. When the crew looked at him, they saw a boy on the verge of becoming a young man and treated him accordingly for someone at that stage in life.

"Unfortunately, when they looked at you, they saw a woman and your implant's failsafe complicated matters by making you seem more emotionally mature than you actually were. Had you not turned it off, no one--including you--would have been the wiser. And had you followed the Doctor's regimen for stepping down its control, the transition towards actual emotional maturity probably would have happened with few people even realising it.

"But that," Ombagi continued with a smile, "is, as humans put it, "water under the bridge". You can't go back and do it again, nor can you change what has already happened. All you can do is move forward and learn from this. Do you think you can do that, Seven?"

The other young woman nodded mutely. Then, as Ombagi watched, something seemed to snap inside her.

"Do I have a choice?" Seven spat angrily.

Ombagi squashed her own anger and wondered not for the first time if she was up to the task of counselling the former Borg. But she had pledged herself to the task and she could tell that it would be an uphill battle with Seven fighting her all the way.

"There are always choices, Seven," she replied quietly. "And it's past time that you learned how to make them and how distinguish between good and bad ones."

#

Part 8 continued
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