Elrond sat at his desk reading the morning reports as if nothing were amiss. Guests roamed the Last Homely House, celebrating the birth of his children; eating and drinking and dancing and composing in the manner of elves. Elrond had spent some of his morning among his guests and then excused himself and sought the solitude of his office. The paperwork was an excuse to be alone for a moment, to gather his thoughts and compose himself. He was desperate to clear his mind of the turmoil raging inside. When he'd discovered that Gildor had fled, his first reaction was anger. Then, after he'd thought about it, he grew sad. Of course the younger elf had fled. In his boots, Elrond would have done the same. He wondered if he would ever see Gildor again or if the damage that had been done was such that the exile would flee Middle Earth forever.
"Elrond? Why are you in here when your guests are out there?" Erestor poked his head inside the study. He did not like the way Elrond looked. There was a tightness around his eyes and mouth and an unusual paleness on his cheeks, as if he hadn't slept.
"Lindir was wrong," Elrond said without preamble. "Gildor had no lover among the armies."
Erestor quickly closed the door and approached Elrond's desk. "How do you know this?"
"Gildor informed me." Elrond outlined the previous night's meeting. His voice was steady and calm. When he'd finished he looked Erestor in the eye. "You sent him out there with the promise that Aikanaro would be waiting for him and instead, he found me. Why did you do it, Erestor? Why did you betray me this way?"
Erestor crossed his arms and stared down at his feet in silence. That Elrond saw his action as a betrayal was no surprise. He had not meant to hurt either Elrond or Gildor, but had merely taken steps to clear up a deception that served no one. In fact, in his heart he believed what he did had been the right thing to do. He was truly sorry that it had not worked out and told Elrond so. "Elrond, you must believe that I never intended harm. Had I known that Lindir was mistaken, I would never have—" He stopped in mid-sentence. If not Gil-Galad? Surely no. But Erestor considered Gildor's reaction to discovering that Aikanaro and Lord Elrond was one and the same.
"Never have what, Erestor?" Elrond asked wearily. He was too tired and heart sore for any of the advisor's clever word games.
"Oh, Elrond, I am more sorry than you could possibly imagine. For, rather than helping to clear up the matter between you and Gildor, I fear I may have misread the situation and done irreparable harm."
Eyebrows lowering in annoyance, Elrond glared at Erestor. "Whatever do you mean?"
"Gildor told you that he allowed Lindir to assume that he was in love with Gil-Galad and that he had no lover. Yet, Elrond, he was…I assumed, as well, for it all made sense. He stayed at your side, at Gil-Galad's side the whole time. Every time you needed something, he was there. You even once remarked, jokingly of course, that he always seemed to be underfoot."
Elrond leaned back in his chair and rubbed at his temples. Now he understood why Gildor had left so suddenly. His deception, meant as a jest and a way to relieve his own tensions, had greatly harmed the young elf in ways that Elrond had never dreamed possible. "'Tis done and cannot now be undone."
"We could send word to the exiles and request Gildor return. He would not refuse a direct order from Imladris."
"To what purpose, Erestor? I have hurt him, mocked him without realizing it. I may have even played him a fool. How shall I heal that hurt?" Elrond stopped rubbing his temples and stared at his advisor without really seeing him. His thoughts cast back to the confused days of the battlefield and he drew from his memory images of Gildor and Lindir as they served Gil-Galad and him. As Erestor said, now it all made perfect sense. So much so, it was a wonder than none had noticed before. However, Gildor had kept his secret well. And why shouldn't he? "Please see to the guests, Erestor, and if anyone should ask, I shall be along shortly. I think I shall go see to Celebrian for a bit." He rose from his desk and walked past Erestor without another word.
~*~
Later that day, Glorfindel found Erestor hiding on a balcony far away from the guests. "Lindir is nearly frantic with worry for you," the warrior said as he sat down uninvited.
"I have done something terrible." Erestor said with stiff lips. "And I do not know how to repair the damage, but in my heart, I know that I must find a way."
Glorfindel cocked his head to one side. "Do not meddle any more, Erestor. Leave it alone for a while. Those involved need time to heal."
Shocked, Erestor stared at Glorfindel. "Did Elrond confide in you?"
"Nay, Lindir did. I refused to come and look for you, so he told me the story as Gildor told it to him. You did not know, Erestor, no one did. Even Lindir was wrong. If you meddle further, you will only make matters worse."
Loosing his patience, Erestor rose from his seat and paced the length of the balcony before turning on his friend. "How do you think it could possibly get any worse?"
"If you do something rash, then you will force two people together who are not yet ready for such a confrontation. Elrond is not ready to admit that he chose his disguise with Gildor in mind and he is not ready to admit that he is attracted to the young one or, for that matter, nearly in love with him. As for Gildor, he could not bear more humiliation. He believes that Elrond's actions were unintentional. Until Elrond is ready to face reality, he will only try to explain away his actions and blame it on the wine and loneliness. Be patient, Erestor."
"Logic says that you are right, but my heart cries out against the inactivity."
"I know. Yet, this is not a battle of swords or words, Erestor. This is a carefully crafted truce that must be given time in order to bloom into full peace."
Seating himself once more, Erestor stared at the treetops. "Lindir said nothing to me."
"I do not think he wished to discuss anything. In fact, my impression is that he shares the same guilt for his role in this deception, though, as far as I can see, he has done nothing at all."
"He confided the name of Gildor's supposed lover," Erestor said. "He told me and I pushed Gildor towards the grotto where I knew Elrond would be. I thought that if they found common ground in Gil-Galad, they could become friends or, maybe even lovers some day. Had I known."
"You would not have done differently. You would have still pushed Gildor towards Elrond because you hate seeing our lord unhappy. Yet, we presume that he is unhappy because there is no love between Celebrian and he. I wonder, though, if the love they have—so it lacks passion—is not sufficient for their needs? Who are we to meddle with the hearts of others? Why is it those who love and have love must always seek the same for their friends?"
"Good question, Glorfindel. I have learned my lesson, I think. From now on, I shall confine my meddling to politics." Erestor smiled wryly.
"Probably a good idea" Glorfindel nodded, satisfied that Erestor would not do anything too stupid.
*~*
Elrond held Elrohir and lightly patted the fragile back. Made cranky by the constant noise and attention, the elfling had made his displeasure known in the loudest voice possible, forcing Elrond to take him to the nursery. As he sat by the window humming mindlessly, he let his thoughts roam past his son and back to the past.
He remembered how Gildor always seemed to hover close at hand, ready to do any service, no matter how menial or dangerous. The youthful enthusiasm had never wavered or dampened in the wake of reality. At first, Elrond had assumed the younger elf was looking to make a name for himself, but as time past, he began to realize that Gildor only wished to be useful and to serve. Now, as Elrond examined the past with clear eyes and distance, he wondered if, indeed, Gildor had been trying to earn a name and a place. Though, by no means where Elrond had assumed.
And how did he feel? Besides the obvious guilt, of course, there was shame in his behavior. He was old enough, certainly wise enough, as well, to know better. His actions were rash and heedless. However, he defended himself, he had meant no harm. The wine had simply gone to his head, and combined with his loneliness and the festivities, he'd allowed his better judgment to—Stop fooling yourself, he chided. He wanted to be in Gildor's bed. His loneliness was definitely a part of it and he felt attracted to the younger elf's vibrancy. He'd craved the touch of another and, maybe unconsciously, had chosen Gildor. Had he unconsciously known of Gildor's attraction? Maybe. Now what did he do? He could ignore the whole situation. That would not be right or fair and he knew it. He had Celebrian to think of and his sons; their reputation was important and he had worked so hard to build Imladris and he did not want it destroyed by his behavior. He wedded Celebrian on good faith and he could not take a lover and risk the irreparable harm his family would suffer as the result. Not that Gildor would likely have him.
Realizing that his son was at last sleeping peacefully, Elrond placed him in his cot and covered him with a light blanket. He hovered over the bed and stroked the downy cheek and soft dark hair. His sons, he mused. How precious was this gift from the Valar.
"There you are," Celebrian entered the nursery with Elladan in her arms. She closed the door gently behind her and placed the sleeping infant beside his brother. Instantly, the twins snuggled together, as if seeking familiar comfort and warmth.
"He fussed awhile before finally deciding to sleep." Elrond traced Elladan's long finger with his own and smiled warmly.
"They are weary from the constant parade of well-wishers. And you? Do you grow weary of the celebration?"
"Nay," Elrond answered as he put his arm around Celebrian's shoulder. "My heart is gladdened to see so many guests in Imladris. The old wounds are but a memory now."
Celebrian said nothing to that, knowing all too well that there was much sorrow to come before the elves again knew peace. She did not express her feelings to Elrond, however, as she knew he was familiar with the happenings of Middle Earth and realized how fragile their peace yet remained. "I noticed that Gildor has left."
Elrond stiffened. "He is an exile and is free to come and go as he chooses."
Celebrian's blue eyes searched her husband's still face. Behind the mask, she discerned the truth. "He discovered your deception."
"And I have discovered his," countered Elrond.
Moving to the window seat recently vacated by Elrond, Celebrian perched with her hands on her knees. "Tell me what happened."
"Celebrian—"
"You could fall in love with him." She tilted her head to the side. "Maybe you already have?"
Elrond hung his head. "I do not know what I feel."
"Tell me of his deception." She prompted as she patted the space next to her.
Sighing softly, Elrond seated himself to his wife and tried to explain as best he could the tangled web that he and Gildor had inadvertently spun around themselves. She listened without interruption and when he was finished sat quietly for a long time pondering his words. At last she spoke, though slowly and hesitantly. "You must decide, Elrond, on the path you wish to take. Not long am I for Middle Earth—nay, do not interrupt me, for you know in your heart what I say is true. The doom of man remains hidden from the world, but it will not remain hidden forever. There comes one who will set events into motion that will be either the enslavement of all free peoples of Middle Earth or an end to the elves. You know this to be true. I will not be here to see this, and you and I have always known this to be true as well. We have destinies to fulfill, you and I, and our sons are but one small part. Gildor, too, I sense has a small part yet to play. Will you and he play your parts together or separately?"
"Even you cannot see and know all," Elrond countered. "Much can happen, little forces make for large change."
Celebrian stared at the cot where her sons slept peacefully. "I could avoid my fate, I think, if I truly chose to do so. Why should I? I bound myself to you out of duty, nor do I regret my actions, for, look at what our union has produced. Who could regret them? Certainly not I. The Valar have given you a second chance, Elrond. They took from you Gil-Galad and have given to you Gildor in return. I believe that Gil-Galad perished so that elves would be free to leave Middle Earth. Do you not feel it?"
Elrond swallowed. He long understood the gift of sight possessed by his wife. All elves were far-seeing, but some were more so than others. Galadriel had passed her gift on to her child and it was for Elrond to decide what must be done with it. "Aye, I feel it, but I resent it. If Gil-Galad were here—"
"The doom of man would be all the quicker, for you know as well as I that he would have hunted down Isildur and took from him the ring of power. While he would have destroyed the ring, he would have also destroyed the race of men, for he had no love of Isildur. His taking of the ring would have meant war between elves and men."
Giving in, Elrond regarded Celebrian with renewed respect. "What, then, would you counsel?"
"I counsel that you seek Gildor and make
things right between you. End this deception once and for all. Set into motion
the final events that will free Middle Earth from the evil hanging over it
and free me to fulfill my role before I sail."
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