130 Third Age.
Outside, fireworks lit the night sky while inside the Last Homely House Elrond sat beside Celebrian on their large bed and held the eldest of their twin sons. Elrohir nuzzled hungrily at his mother's breast while Elladan, from the warm safety of his father's arms, watched with detachment. Only two days old, the twins already began to exhibit signs of their personalities. Elrohir was fierce and protective while Elladan remained docile and watchful. When Elrohir bellowed his annoyance or need to be fed, Elladan would calmly study his brother with blue-gray eyes.
Elrond leaned over and kissed the top of Elrohir's head and his own dark hair brushed lightly along the smooth, pale curve of Celebrian's breast. "They are as beautiful as their mother," he murmured.
"Their dark good looks come from their father, my lord," she chuckled as Elrond settled his head on her shoulder. "Should you not see to our guests?"
"I have seneschals and advisors to do that. I want to remain here with you and our sons." The birth had been difficult and Elrond never left Celebrian's side during the three days she struggled to bring their children into the world. At the end of it all were two gorgeous sons and two exhausted, but relieved, parents. Since then, Elrond had remained sequestered with his wife, seeing to her recovery and to the boys' health.
Elrohir belched softly and Celebrian drew him away from her breast. "You have duties, my lord, and I need to prepare to meet our guests. Already, or so I am told, the number of arrivals in Imladris rivals those who came to see Mirkwood's young prince."
"Who has told you this?" Elrond pretended to frown at his wife. During their twenty-one years of marriage, Elrond and Celebrian had become the closest of friends, though never truly husband and wife. They performed their duties and, for the most part, presented a united front of marital bliss.
"Lord Erestor mentioned it earlier. Now, go, please, and see to our guests. The children and I shall come soon."
Elrond shifted so that he could lay his sleeping
son beside his mother and slipped from the bed. Glancing fondly one last time
at Celebrian, he eased open their chamber door and exited the room, leaving
Celebrian alone with her thoughts. She wondered who else might be waiting
to catch a glimpse of Lord Elrond as he made his way among the guests.
Part of her mourned for Elrond's loss as he immersed himself in his duties
as the ruler of Imladris. She knew he would treat fatherhood with the same
dedication he showered upon everything that he did. Even their more intimate
moments were meticulous endeavors with attention paid to every single nuance
and detail. She could never complain of Elrond as a lover, but there was between
them a decided lack of passion.
Casting her thoughts far and wide, Celebrian
felt her own doom approaching. And what of Elrond, her mind whispered. Indeed,
what of her dutiful husband? There she could not
aid him, though she had tried. Often, as they lay beside one another in the
bed, she attempted to broach the subject of his happiness. True to form, Elrond
insisted he was happy and satisfied. Celebrian knew differently.
Placing Elrohir beside his brother, Celebrian rose from the bed and stretched. Time would reveal all, she knew, but she grew impatient for events that would set her free. Pulling on the cord near the bed, Celebrian summoned the maid who would help her dress and prepare the twins for their first public debut.
*~*
Elrond departed his wife's chambers and walked down a long corridor to his private apartments. He rarely used them, save for the infrequent times he needed to be alone or to allow Celebrian a moment of peace. Theirs was a marriage convenience, but that did not mean they were not close, after their own fashion. Nor did their lack of love offer him license to take a lover. He could not do that to Celebrian, though he felt she would not mind. There were times when she seemed to encourage it in fact, but he resisted. Firstly, there was his duty to her and to provide heirs for both Imladris and, as it turned out, Lothlorien. Also, he had found no one to gain and hold his attention. He had numerous elves who he thought quite handsome living in his court. Rather none had captured either his imagination or his heart. Or so he told himself.
There was one who had captured his attention, and who could easily capture his heart, if he would allow. But he felt that his feelings were futile, considering the circumstances. First of all, the elf did not love him. Secondly, that elf was not a member of Imladris and, therefore, Elrond rarely saw him.
Elrond reached inside his wardrobe and pulled out dark blue leggings and frowned. Now how had that happened? He put them aside and removed dark gray leggings and a deep russet tunic to go with his burgundy robes. He always preferred the darker colors. His vanity, what little he possessed, told him he looked good in such colors. He dressed quickly and hurried downstairs.
As he entered the main hall, he saw Gildor speaking with Lindir. He plastered a warm smile on his face and started to approach. Drawing nearer, he overheard part of their conversation and he mentally cringed.
"What do you mean you never heard of him?" Gildor suspiciously asked. "He was at King Thranduil's celebration."
Lindir's shoulders lifted once. "I spent many months in the Healing House, Gildor, and I've never heard of Aikanaro Helyanwe. I thought the elf at King Thranduil's hall was from Mirkwood. And I never saw him in Lothlorien. Maybe you can clear this up for us, Lord Elrond?"
Elrond, seeing he was trapped, cleared his throat and feinted innocence. "Whom are you asking after?"
Gildor studied Elrond carefully. Something seemed strange about the Noldor. "A healer among you called Aikanaro. Lindir says he's never heard of him."
"Never, in all the months I was ill. Do you know him of him, my lord, or his whereabouts?"
"Indeed," Erestor said, as he approached his lover and Lord Elrond. "Where could charming Aikanaro be this evening? I have not seen him since the wedding feast, I do not think."
Elrond's eyes darkened to pools of molten silver and he turned on Erestor. "I would think not, Lord Erestor, as he has been away for quite some time on business for Imladris. He is an itinerant healer, and comes and goes as he chooses. As for your never seeing him, Lindir, I assure you, Master Aikanaro took excellent care of you, though you may not remember it."
"Will he be here for the celebration?" Gildor's stomach did a slow roll as he considered Lord Elrond.
"I cannot say for certain," Elrond released some of his annoyance and smiled once again. "In the meantime, my friend, why don't you enjoy yourself with the elves who are here."
"Yes, come, let us not worry anymore about the missing healer," spoke Lindir. "I shall claim you all to myself this eve."
"Perhaps you should discuss that with Lord Erestor, first?" Gildor waggled his eyebrows at Lindir.
"Lord Erestor is going to be busy for a while in my study," interrupted Lord Elrond. "We have some pressing business to discuss. He shall catch up with you both a little later."
Lindir led Gildor away and Erestor followed Elrond towards his study. Once inside, Elrond leaned heavily against the closed door. Erestor took a seat near the fireplace and smoothed his dark robes.
"What was that all about?" Elrond demanded at last.
Erestor's fine brow rose ever so slightly. "I could easily ask you the same question. Obviously, you favor Master Gildor. Why do you insist on hiding it?"
Elrond pushed away from the door and went to lean against his desk. "Yes, Erestor, Gildor is quite attractive. However, do I need to remind you that I have a mate?"
"You are involved in a political marriage, Elrond, and I have heard and seen enough hints from Celebrian to know that she would not mind if you took a lover. She seemed to know what she was getting when she married you. What happened that night in Lorien?"
"Nothing," said Elrond quietly. "I wanted to go and comfort him and speak with him. I knew I could do neither."
Erestor snorted. "It is high time that you both healed, Elrond. Imladris is secure. Gildor seems ready to trust and love someone again. Why not you?"
"I am," Elrond started to say that he was not ready, but he knew that he was more than ready. Memories of Gil-Galad no longer caused him as much pain. Life with Celebrian was good, but not especially fulfilling. "I am not certain he would welcome me now."
"Ah, yes, you have complicated things a bit, haven't you?"
Elrond scrubbed at his face. "I have made a mess of things, Erestor. I behaved foolishly and now I cannot go back."
"Did – things—progress so far, then?" At Elrond's nod, he continued. "I see. Yes, that is a mess. You should tell him the truth."
"And run the risk of rejection?" Elrond laughed. "Or, worse, his scorn? Had I not done what I did, then I would not now be in this situation."
"Had you not done what you did, you would never have become even remotely close to Gildor. Why did you?"
"He suggested it, actually. I thought it would be fun to be someone else for a change. I did not mean for it to go so far. Now, I do not know how to end it. How did you know?"
Erestor smiled thinly. "I am not so easily fooled, Lord Elrond. I remember you from when you were an elfling."
"I believe I shall go to the gardens for a moment," Elrond pushed away from his desk. "I need to clear my head before Celebrian brings the babies down." He slipped out of the door before Erestor could make any reply.
The advisor sat still for a moment and considered. If what Lindir had said was true, then was Elrond the right elf for Gildor? Would not their mutual obsession entangle them and hinder any closeness they might obtain? Or would it be better if they were together, maybe first as friends, where their mutual obsession could feed on itself? Getting up, he went to the door still lost in thought.
"Oh, Erestor, I hoped you were done. They've begun the dancing." Lindir rushed up to him rather breathlessly, still clutching Gildor's hand.
"I hope you have saved me a dance?" Erestor teased.
"Several," Lindir placed a light kiss on his lover's lips.
Inspiration struck Erestor and he smiled. "Gildor, I have seen Master Aikanaro. I believe you will find him in the gardens."
*~*
Gildor, following Erestor's lead, stood outside the main house and listened. He thought he heard the faintest sound of feet on gravel and turned towards a statue filled grotto. He paused on the top step and peered towards the central statue of Gil-Galad dressed in full armor. As he watched, he saw a shadow move and smiled to himself.
Rushing down the stairs, he grasped firm shoulders in his hands. "Aikanaro, I wo-" His words died on his lips as Elrond turned around and stared at him. "My apologies, my lord," he said as he hastily stepped away. "For a moment, I thought you were—"
Stepping from the shadows, Elrond stood bathed in full moonlight. "There was no harm done, Gildor." He studied Gildor's pale face and wide eyes with a sinking heart.
"You," Gildor breathed.
"Gildor, I think –."
"Not like this."
Reaching out his hand, Elrond tried to capture Gildor as he backed away.
"No," Gildor covered his face with his hands, moving them out of Elrond's reach, and took a deep breath. "Why, Lord Elrond?"
"I am sorry. I did not mean to deceive you, Gildor. I followed your advice. And I had too much wine and you were too sweet and giving."
Gildor nodded slowly, as if suddenly understanding some great problem. "Aikanaro's familiarity; I could never place it."
"I am sorry, Gildor, if I have hurt you," Elrond watched as Gildor's face took on a closed expression. "Will you forgive me?"
Bowing slightly, Gildor answered. "Of course, my lord. I should return to the party, now."
"Gildor, no, wait, please. Sit and talk with me?"
Gildor wanted to run and hide and never come out. He wanted to flee Imladris. He wanted to flee Lord Elrond. His shame threatened to reduce him to tears, like an elfling.
Elrond realized that Gildor was on the verge of running away and thought to stop him, so he began talking. "I was alone for so long after Gil-Galad perished and when you jokingly hinted that I should become someone else for awhile, I thought the idea might be fun. I could be someone besides Lord Elrond, Standard Bearer; unwilling heir apparent. I was tired of being alone and I needed something…someone. You were perfect. I did not intend to use you in that manner. I only sought friendship."
"Of course," Gildor responded woodenly, unsure of what to say. There had been no promises spoken between them. Nor had they parted on a particularly friendly note that night in Lorien. Now he understood why Aikanaro—Elrond—had rejected him. That it was Elrond and not Aikanaro made the pain even worse. He could handle Aikanaro not wanting him, but not his lord.
"I discovered that you had lost someone you loved on the battlefield while in Lorien and I came to you to offer comfort and friendship. I thought we could share at least that much, but things became confused."
Gildor frowned. "Did someone tell you that I had a lover?"
"There was a general discussion and it was suggested that your lover died, yes. I, too, lost a lover and I thought that we could share our grief and we could heal each other."
"I lost no lover, Lord Elrond."
"But Lindir," Elrond blurted before he could stop himself.
Understanding came quickly for Gildor and the irony sent him doubling over with sudden laughter. "No, my lord, Lindir was mistaken. He thought I was in love with Gil-Galad and I never told him otherwise." He managed between gasps. He should have been angry with his friend, but he was not. No real harm had been done.
Elrond repeated his lover's name in astonishment. "But you were not?"
"No, my lord. I was not. Lindir made assumptions and I allowed them to continue." Gildor regained control of himself and straightened. "Now you have no need to worry for me."
"Please forgive me, Gildor. Things have become quite a mess, have they not?"
"All is well, Lord Elrond. Now, I believe we should return to the party; I understand the heirs are soon to make their appearance."
"You are probably right. I will see you later? I still wish to speak with you."
"As you like," Gildor bowed retraced his steps from the grotto.
Later that evening, when the majority of the
guests were in bed and his wife and children were seen to, Elrond went in
search of Gildor, only to discover that the exile and most of his party had
already left Imladris.
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