| Chapter 8 |
| On March 2nd he went to the Grammy Awards ceremony while she stayed in LA, once again. She was really starting to wonder if he would ever accept to make it public, so that she could at least have a decent life again, and not live continually in secret like this. She had dinner with Steve, whom she hadn�t seen for too long. He was worried for her. �Reese, are you sure you don�t want to tell me what�s wrong? I mean, don�t even try to pretend that everything�s alright, cause I can tell. Sorry to say it like this, but you definitely don�t look your best�� �I�m just a bit tired; it�s quite a strange life you know�� �Don�t do that with me, I know you�� She sighed and closed her eyes for a few seconds to try and fight back the tears that were forming in her eyes. �I�m just a bit worried at the moment and I think I�m getting paranoid.� �Has Michael been treatin� ya alright?� �Yeah, I mean� He�s a real gentleman and I love him, but sometimes I really can�t understand him and he won�t help me, and that really scares me.� He remained silent and pretended he didn�t see the tears that she rapidly dried out with her hand. �It�s been a few months now, and sometimes I have the feeling that I don�t know him at all� There�s a certain distance and a tension between us. And I�m so sick of leading this life in secret, not able to tell anyone, to do anything, to go anywhere on my own�� She reached for a tissue in her handbag. �It�s not what I was expecting, I admit it� Maybe I was just expecting too much and I have forgotten that he can�t do just anything he wants. Maybe I just need to make more efforts to admit it. But I�m quite lost, and we don�t seem to be able t talk about it, which upsets me even more!� Steve felt really sorry for her. He had known for several years and he had always had the same image: a happy young woman, full of joy and wanting to share it with people around her. And now here she was in front of him, looking quite terrible and crying. She used to �shine� � at least that�s how he would say it � but she had lost it and he could see that as much as she was hanging on to this relationship, it was eating her up. But he couldn�t possibly say it honestly so he tried to comfort her during the rest of the dinner. When he took her back to her flat, he made her promise about ten times that she wouldn�t hesitate to call him if she wanted to talk, no matter when� �Yeah, I will,� she replied with one of the only smiles he had seen on her face all evening. �And don�t worry, everybody goes through hard times once in a while with their relationships. Unfortunately for you, you have chosen one that was quite complicated right from the start�� he added with a little smile before kissing her on the cheek and walking away. She felt a bit better after having talked to him about all those things, and she regretted not having done it sooner because it would have been easier. She had told herself several times that she had to talk to Steve before being �full� and breaking into tears, but there was nothing she could do, she would never do it and wait until it was too late� When she went to bed, all the things she had mentioned that evening seemed to hit her at the same times and she spent most of the night crying. ***** Things remained the same when they started the American Tour. She had decided she would go back with him. After the progress that had happened in Australia, who knew if it could happen once again�? The shows went as well as they had so far. At the beginning of March Michael had a small break for the Grammy Awards where he got a standing ovation for his spellbinding performance of The Way You Make Me Feel and Man In The Mirror. Although Bad was the best-selling album of 1987, he got a single award when he was nominated for four. Reese was in the hotel, watching the ceremony live on TV and she could see the disappointment on his face when the camera was on him as he watched his competitors receive the award he had bee longing to receive. She knew that he wouldn�t be happy and she was so right. When he came back to his hotel room, he barely spoke to her, got in his pyjamas and went to bed. �Michael,� she softly said, lying down beside him. He remained with his back towards her. �Michael, don�t be upset� You�re in all the newspapers, your album was the best-selling one of last year, and after all you did get an award. You can�t have everything you know?� �Really?� he suddenly said, sitting up and turning towards her. �Well what if I want everything, uh? You don�t have much ambition Reese, do you? I should have received those awards and I will show them that I am the best.� He turned back on his right side, his back towards her, and didn�t say another word. After this �Grammy incident�, she noticed that his shows were slightly different. He no longer gave 100% of himself, but at least 150. He was doing too much but the shows were only greater and the fans more happy than ever. Only one person seemed to know what the reason behind all this was, and she wasn�t allowed to speak. ***** The big �blow� came a few days later, in NY. They were there for 3 shows and Reese had decided to go back and see it from backstage again. The first two shows were perfectly alright and the fans from New York were delighted that Michael had finally come to the Big Apple and would be doing 3 shows in a row there. But on the third night, something happened that Reese was not expecting at all. During The Way You Make Me Feel, as usual, Tatiana would walk around the stage, with Michael following her. But that night, towards the end of the song when Michael finally gets to hold her, Tatiana grabbed his shirt, pulled him close and kissed him in front of the astounded audience. Reese�s eyes were wide open and she couldn�t take her eyes off them and when they broke the kiss � which only lasted for a second for to Reese it was like eternity � Tatiana�s eyes saw her backstage and she smiled in a devilish way. How could she do that, when she was among the few people who knew? The audience applauded and cheered, and Michael just raised his eyebrows, looked at Tatiana and laughed while ha was trying to sing. Reese felt so betrayed� Her heart was pounding in her chest, her legs felt weak and tears were forming in her eyes. She sat on the nearest chair and took deep breaths to get rid of that awful feeling. She tried to �empty� her mind, but the same images kept showing again and again. Tatiana grabbing his shirt and pulling him closer; the kiss; the way she had looked at her; that smile on her face that only Reese could see� She couldn�t bear it, ran out, avoiding the bodyguards and came out of the Madison Square Garden. She called a taxi and went back to the hotel, still crying. Michael got back later, obviously worried this time. �Reese, you must not do that again. It�s the second time you go away without telling anyone. Do you know how worried I was when Tony said he couldn�t find you?� She didn�t answer and didn�t even look at him. He noticed the empty tissue box by her side and saw that her eyes were all red and swollen. �Reese,� he said, kneeling next to her, �What�s wrong? Why were you crying?" �What happened tonight Michael?� He lowered his head, smiled and stood up. He felt terribly embarrassed because he knew exactly what she was talking about. He laughed nervously and looked at her. �Listen, I didn�t mean for that to happen� I don�t why she did it.� �You could have pushed her back, couldn�t you?� she said in a harsh voice. �What? No� I mean, it was only part of the show, you know it. She got a bit carried away, that�s all. I couldn�t have pushed her away, what would the fans have thought?� �So that�s it, isn�t it?� he said, standing up too. �Do everything to please the fans�� �Reese, I wouldn�t be here today if it wasn�t for my fans in the first place.� �But what about me for God�s sake???� she asked, hysterical. �What am I in this relationship now Michael?� �Don�t be silly Reese. You know I love you�� �You don�t� You love your public too much, there�s no room for me�� she said before she left the room and locked herself in the bathroom. She only came out when she was sure he was in bed and maybe even asleep. She climbed into the bed but made sure that she was sleeping right at the other end. But when she woke up the next day, Michael had come behind her and had put his arm around her, holding her close� The next days were spent once again as if nothing had happened and she found it more and more difficult to cope with this silence. Every time she saw Tatiana she felt like jumping on her and twisting her neck. Things had been difficult enough without what she had done during that show. Michael seemed indifferent and it made Reese so upset when she thought about it. Michael had to cancel two shows in St Louis, Missouri because he had caught a bad cold. He had a very high temperature and stayed in bed for a whole day. He wanted to get up, to do some more work or just do things, but Reese had forced him to stay in bed because he was too weak and he would collapse if he worked as much as he usually did. She stayed by his side all day as he slept � he needed to rest a lot � and she thought a lot. She spent most of the day sitting y the bed, staring out of the window, thinking� She looked after him for a few days and he was quickly fit again and ready to go to the Sheraton Hotel on the 10th to receive his Frederick D. Patterson Award from the United Negro College Fund for his work for the children around the world. Once again Reese was left behind, patiently waiting for him to come back. The next day they would be leaving for St Louis so he could catch up with the two shows he had missed there. The flight would be later in the afternoon for once. |