| Characters: .......................Don Kerschner Gilda Radner....Rhonda Weiss ......................Rhondettes |
| Goodbye Saccharine |
| Don: Good evening. I'm Don Kershcner. (Audience claps) In 1963, Lenny Rip, at that time, an independant record promoter, and now, the owner of "Rippy's", his own successful chain of discount disco record outlets, called me, on a new, unknown singing act, that he had caught performing at a highschool park, in Great Neck, Long Island. On Lenny's reccomendation, I called teenager, Rhonda Weiss, and her group, into my office, heard their sound, and immediatley signed them to an exclusive, long term recording contract. A string of successful chart records followed and Rhonda and the Rhondettes were sky rocketed to a forefront of a musical gandra, whose heart wrenching style of teenage lament, caused it to soon become known as Schmulz (?) rock. The hits kept coming, until 1966, when the rise of British Rock & Roll caused the girls to leave the recording industry for the lucrative lounges of Las Vegas, Tahoe, abd Reno, Nevada. Today, thanks to the efforts of Mindy Eienstein, Frankie Garris, and their fabulous staff at the SBO talent agency, their manager, Maury Daniels, and to my good friend, a close associate, Ronnie hamburg, his lovely wife Lita, and their brand new circular records and tapes company, Rhonda and the Rhondettes are back with a new sound, and a new message. So now, ladies and gentlemen, please join me in welcoming the dynamic Rhonda Weiss..and the Rhondettes!! (music plays/audience claps) Rhonda: Hi. I'm Rhonda Weiss. (Audience clapping/laughing.) I want to thank Don Kerschner for introducing us, and also for teaching me that Rock & Roll can be the means for personal expression. Tonight, I would like to sing a very socially relevant song. And, I know that I speak, not only for myself, but for my closest, personal friends in the world, the Rhondettes. Now, up until now, I never felt the need to protest. I mean, nothing in the 60's really bothered me. Uh Uh, none of the guys I knew went to vietnam. They all went to law school. And, actually, I have always found prtests rather pushy and whiny. Until recntly, I read in the National Enquierer that the Food and Drug Administration was considering banning saccharine from the market. I nearly died. (Wild Laughter from the audience) I make the most fantabulous diet dessert. Mocha Frost Dream. It's only 29 calories a serving.I swear on my life. Ok, should the Food and Drug Administration ban saccharine from the market, an equivilant size portion of that same dessert, Mocha Frost Dream, would be, listen to this, 310 calories. PEOPLE! We can not let this happen in America! Im sorry about the lab animals! But statistics prove that most guys prefer skinny girls WITH cancer, over healthy girls with bulging thighs. And heres what you've all been waiting for........ |
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