What Sophie Ellis Bextor Has to Say|
What Sophie Ellis Bextor Has to Say |
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 This is the Gospel of SOPHIE. (1.) And then on the fourth day, Sophie came down from the mountain into the town and said, "There shall no more be murders on the dancefloor." (2.) And the people rose up, and said unto her, "Sophie, great Sophie, whose eyes are as the moon, why can we no longer murder on the dancefloor?" And she said, "Lo, this is not the way." (3.) And Sophie raised her arms and flew up into the sky. (4.) Then the sky opened up and down came the rain, and the townspeople said, "Oh fuck." (5.) And all the town was flooded out and washed into the river, and the townspeople had no more town. So they were now just people. And the people cried out, saying "Oh bloody hell, the town's all been washed away", and they rent their clothing, and their bodies. (6.) So down again came Sophie on wings of gold. And the people said unto her, "Sophie, great Sophie, whose lips are like the finest wax, what shall we do without our town?" (7.) And Sophie, blessed be her name, laughed evilly, stamped her feet and said, "Hence, there shall be no more murdering on the dancefloor, as it is washed away and there is no dancefloor anymore. Peace be with you." (8.) And the people were grievously angry, and they rose up, and burned things, and made castles out of the mud, and ate oxen. (9.) Sophie appeared again, in golden raiment arrayed, in glorious light, as an angel. (10.) And she said, "You horrible little arses, you've eaten all the oxen, you'll never win the Cattle Open Division at the Royal Show now, unless you have really terrific looking faeces with good temperaments." (11.) "Oh," said the people, "woe and bastardry, we've done a silly thing." And the people were very grieved, and went amongst themselves, and wept. (12.) And Sophie said unto them, "Oh you silly crybaby losers, get it together." And the people cried out, "Oh great Sophie, whose arms and legs are like the finest matchsticks, and whose face is like the greatest of dinner plates, what ever shall be done now?" (13.) And there was much woe-ing and crying and sooking. (14.) So Sophie came down amongst the people, and said unto them, "I am a woman of great grace and honour. I shall be evermore with you, and beside you. And so dance, dance." And the people danced, but without murdering one another, because that is not the way. This is the word of Sophie.  It seems awful pompous to say this but all this stuff is Copyright Lachlan Turnbull 1999-2004, except for things that are copyright under individual licences. |