"So, what are you doing this weekend," I don’t look up at him while asking. I busy myself with reading the file in front of me, trying to hide my nervousness. This is a big step for me, taking a chance again. But after watching him get closer and closer to Alicia Montes...well, I don’t like it. I have no other excuse for my jealousy, that’s just the way it is.

Distractedly he replies, "I’m actually running this weekend."

I look up, confused. "Running?"

"Yeah, they’re having a charity marathon and I’m participating," he says, looking up at me across the table.

I raise my eyebrow in question, knowing there’s more to his sudden involvement in charity than what he’s telling. Having the decency to look sheepish Harm replies. "It was Alicia’s idea."

"Ah." And there it is folks. The reason why I didn’t want to take a chance again. I guess I was holding out hope for nothing after all. They’re involved. The cycle is starting all over again.

Without another word I begin picking up papers and organizing my files in my briefcase. I can feel his eyes on me but I don’t look up. Just as I’m about ready to walk away he stands and reaches for my arm across the table. "You should come out."

"Excuse me?" Come out for what? To watch him run? To watch him and Alicia together? I’ve done some stupid things in my life, but setting myself up for more heartache is something I’d rather avoid, thank you very much.

"For the race. Come on, Mac, it’d be fun. And then maybe after it’s over we could...I don’t know, maybe grab some dinner." It almost sounds like he’s pleading, which is endearing.

But in a way it really hacks me off. "You mean you want me to tag along with you and Alicia? Thanks, but no thanks."

He looks a little confused at first, as if I’ve just sprouted another head and started singing in Spanish. Then recognition dawns and that smile I love to hate tilts up the corners of his mouth. "That’s right...you’re not into sharing."

Pompous ass. "You do listen occasionally," I remark while freeing my arm from his grasp.

As I walk toward the door his next statement stops me. "Yeah, guess it’s a good thing you won’t be sharing if you do come out to watch."

Turning around I notice he’s standing there, arms crossed and looking so damn smug. I want to slug him. "And just what does that mean?"

"It means Alicia isn’t going to be there. So it’d just be you and me."

Even though it was never uttered, his statement was a challenge. And all at once, I realize I’m wrong. It’s not serious between them. Every instinct inside me wants to run away, to slam the door in his face and protect myself. But then, for the first time in a long time, I feel a spark of my old, confident self start to rise to the surface. It’s about damn time I stand up and take what I want, on my terms.

"You’re on."

 

 

I arrive at his house, early. The race is over, and he told me there were some things he had to finish up there and that it might take a little while. If I got here before him, to use my key and go on in. Even so I hesitate, pacing in front of his door for a bit. I feel more than a tad nervous going in without him there. We’re not as close as we used to be and I’m not sure...

After almost fifteen minutes, however, I give up and decide that if he said it, he meant it. And at least I could go in and relax a little until he arrives.

After finding the key in the bottom of my purse, I open the door before slipping the key back inside my bag.

I look around and smile, glad I accepted the invitation. I really do love it here. Standing in the middle of the room I close my eyes, feeling his presence already seeping back into me, and let my mind wander. I remember words spoken between us, "moments" that could have been more and never were, and I long for those days again. I miss the closeness we once shared. Our relationship has been getting progressively better and I’m anxious to see how far we’re both willing to go, when the moment is right, to see if we can make it even better. If there ever is such a moment.

Going to help myself to a drink, I head to the kitchen and open the refrigerator. Ah, he still keeps bottled water...right next to the beer. I can’t help but laugh. Reaching for one, water that is, I then look around the small kitchen area, somehow feeling a bit naughty being in his "space" in his absence. Still, I wander about, taking in photographs and miscellaneous nick knacks, reacquainting myself with the different items on display. I don't open or even touch anything, I just observe.

As if on auto-pilot I make my way around, coming to the steps leading to his bedroom. I can’t help it. I look in, inhaling his scent, lingering here in the small space. For a fleeting moment I wonder if Alicia has shared this intimate setting with him, but I quickly push the thought aside. I don’t want to know.

I take it all in...the big bed, the open closet. This is the side of Harm few get to see. I cast a glance at the bed again and I can't resist the desire to lie on it, the sheets rumpled and unmade, exactly where his body rested only a few short hours ago.

Good lord, that body. Just seeing him today, watching those long lean muscles work in those form fitting clothes, or bare chested as he finished the race...I groan. I think it best to just leave those thoughts alone. But even as I think it, I’m moving in toward the bed.

Even though we’ve never been intimate, the attraction between us is immense, and undeniable. I can’t seem to get around it, no matter how hard I try. So maybe I just won’t try anymore. Wonder how he’d take that?

Setting the bottle of water on the night stand, I throw caution to the wind and take the plunge, sliding onto the bed on my stomach before burying my face in his pillow. I inhale deeply, and that scent that is his aftershave and something all his own has me moaning with pleasure and laughing softly. This is so childish, I can’t believe I’m doing it. I’m almost giddy with the pleasure of being in his bed.

I imagine sleeping here...unable to stop myself from hoping it’s tonight that he brings me here...or would we even make it this far? I know I should have better control over my needs, but at the moment, all alone, I don't really care. I'm in a blissful place, surrounded by his scent and the knowledge that he sleeps here...among other things.

A naughty thought enters my mind as I picture him here. I wonder if he ever thinks of me, here, alone, touching...No! I too push that thought aside, but am unable to completely banish the idea of him lying here, stroking himself, hoping it’s me he’s thinking of. I am completely out of my mind.

But God, I wish it were true. Closing my eyes I imagine then that he is here, making love to me, lying beside me. The vision is so real I can almost hear his breathing quicken, his heartbeat intensify.

I roll onto my back, my eyes still closed, and my hand just skims the skin at the waistband of my jeans. My stomach flutters, the muscles contracting. I imagine it’s his fingertips touching me and my breath catches. Doing this here, in his bed...I’m just so turned on by the thought of him lying here, naked, sleeping or awake...oh God awake...and making love to me.

That thought elicits a deep groan as I my fingers dip below the waistband and brush the edge of my panties, my breathing deep, ragged, desirous.

His scent is all around me and it fills my senses, inflaming me. I turn my head and I muffle my moans in his pillow. Soon my fingers make their way under my panties and I can’t help it anymore, I touch myself. In my minds eye it’s his hands on me, caressing my swollen flesh. That thought alone is enough to send my blood pumping through my veins at a rapid pace. My pulse races, my body tightens. And then I can hear him whisper my name and that’s all it takes. My orgasm hits me like a bolt of lightning and I start to come, cries of passion intense, but still muffled by his pillow.

Practically sobbing with pleasure, I let my body relax, my hand still cupping my mound. Easing my full weight back to the bed I lay here, my head turned to the side, eyes closed, a smile gracing my lips. Then I sigh, stretching languorously.

That’s when I hear a soft sound, more like a rustling, and I look back towards the door.

He’s standing there, leaning against the wall in the doorway, shocked, a dazed look on his face and a smile on his lips. It’s that smile that throws me off guard, but not half as much as the obvious desire that those tight spandex pants of his can’t hide. Our gazes meet, and I feel the deep blush spread over my face and mortification race through my already overloaded system.

I sit up, drawing my knees up to my chest, and rocking slightly. I look down, fumbling for anything to say, wishing I could just make a break for the door and escape. How could I have done such a stupid thing?

"Harm...I'm...." I’m so embarrassed. I have no idea what to say. And then he is at my side, sitting next to me on the bed, a hand on my shoulder.

There’s a soft chuckle, a stroking squeeze and his soothing voice reassuring me, "Don't worry about it...I...should have made my presence known earlier. But damn...you looked so beautiful, Mac, I...it took everything I had to stop myself from joining you."

I am speechless, and turn to him, throwing my arms around him. "I didn't mean to...it's just....being here..in your bed...I'm sorry. I’m so sorry."

He laughs again, but warmly this time, pulling me close. After a moment he pulls back, tilting my chin up with a finger. Then he’s kissing me, leaving little time to worry about apologizing. If this kiss is any indication I don’t think he’s a bit sorry. Soon, I find myself gasping for air, my heart about to pound its way through my chest.

We look at each other and the intensity of his gaze is hot enough to set me on fire. Moving together he places me beneath him, our lips meeting in another passionate kiss.

His kisses are so powerful, just like him, raw energy in one incredibly exciting package. His tongue thrusts into my mouth, taking without asking and I yield to him, exactly as the rest of my body starts to yield to his. His hands are now entwined in my hair, transmitting electricity to me like a current. I feel the shock wave all over my body, down to the deepest part of me and then rebounding, intensifying everywhere all at once.

I feel like I’m in the middle of a storm, the atmosphere is thick around us. It glitters and shimmers around us with every breath, every motion sending rippling shockwaves through it like rocks skimming a pond.

I've never felt anything like this before in my life.

My hands rise to cup his face, to draw him closer, to convey my hunger for him. I raise my body beneath him, inviting him to join with me. The firm pressure of his body against mine sets my body in motion. This is really goito happen, and that certainty gets my juices flowing again. I’m finally going to be with him, experience all of him. Just knowing that nothing will keep us apart again turns me into a wild woman, practically mauling him. Not that he seems to mind.

His hands move to my shirt, deftly unbuttoning it and pushing it aside before opening my bra, his hands sliding over my breasts. Immediately his thumbs pass over my hardened nipples and I gasp into his open mouth just hovering over mine. With this sudden raging wildfire of need we're both in a rush now, my hands fumbling with the tight spandex of those damn running pants, trying to push them down when he lifts to help me. They were hell on my nerves when he was running. They’re even worse now. Finally they’re off. The lower part of him is bare...oh my.

I open my eyes to find his burning into mine, blue lasers direct from his soul. He wants to take his time, but I can see it there...he just can't, not now. My eyelids lower softly, a gentle blink of acknowledgment. I understand; as if I could slow my own lust. Not anymore.

Just how he gets my pants and panties down and off so quickly I’ll never know, but as soon as he does I spread my legs, wrapping them around his torso, knowing he’s feeling the blazing heat of my sex against his. We both groan with pleasure. I tug at his windbreaker needing to feel his skin against the sensitive tips of my breasts. I finally pull it up and off of him, throwing it aside as he lowers himself, rubbing my nipples and the soft spattering of hair on his chest drives me wild.

Gloriously naked we come together. In his firm embrace, his breath coming hard and fast, he dips his head now to my neck, and I gasp, blinking rapidly to keep from swooning. Then a sudden rush of desire threatens to overwhelm me as he nibbles there, kisses, nuzzles. My sighs, moans, the heat of his breath, his growls...they all swirl around me. The sound of his low, beautiful voice makes me arch, lifting, offering my breasts to the heat of his mouth.
He pauses, then dips his mouth to suckle first one tip, then the other, eliciting soft cries of delight from my parted lips. Then I feel his hand on one while he sucks the other, and I swear I could come again just from this. My fingers clutch at his shoulders, squeezing into his flesh as if to maintain my grasp on the world, not wanting the dream to slip away, but I know better. This is real; I can feel him, hot and hard, everywhere.

And then, when I think I can’t take any more he’s entering me in one hard thrust. I gasp and cry out as he stretches me open, fills me. My muscles clench at him, drawing him in with ferocious need. He plunges into me to the hilt, but then there’s hesitation there. Is it imagined, or does it truly exist I wonder. The world seems to stop spinning, pausing in this one glorious moment in time.

I throw my head back, pressing my shoulders to the bed, completely taking him in and he groans in pleasure. With my legs lifted, I’m grasping him, drawing him harder, closer to me. The pace is frantic and frenzied but in my mind it’s perfect, just as I always knew it would be.

But all too soon I feel my body tensing, nearing release. I want to hold it off, to make it last, but there’s just no way to hold back the tide so I let myself go. I shout out his name and come, feeling his own release as it erupts within me. The power flowing between us sets off aftershocks of pleasure and we’re both left trembling in each others arms.

I hold on to him tightly, as if in a struggle of life and death. I grasp his shoulders, fingernails biting into flesh, and tears leak from my eyelids that are squeezed shut.

I can’t help but feel I don't belong here, that I don’t deserve him, but I’m also filled with that joyous knowledge that something precious and amazing just took place. I’m the one in his arms, it’s my eyes looking into his, him wiping away my tears and making me feel like I’m the most cherished woman in the world.

He lies on me, carefully, as if he’s afraid to let his weight rest fully on me. Without urging I pull him against me, loving the way it presses our flesh together. His head is at my shoulder, his panting breaths tickling my ear. Happy sighs mingle and merge, both of us content lying in each other’s arms.

We lie this way, all drowsy smiles and sated sighs, passing the minutes until we can fulfill an unspoken promise, a lazy round of lovemaking. Now that that intense, primal need was quenched we can take our time with each other next time. I smile at the thought. I suppose I knew, all along, that this was how I wanted my time with him to be. I close my eyes and I see us together from now on, the conversations, sharing and experiencing life...and creating it. New memories to replace the old.

The past doesn’t seem near as far away as it once did. But the future...the future is all ours.

The end.