"She knew what she was getting into when she accepted this assignment. There is nothing we can do."
I take a step closer to him. "I can find her, Sir!"
"Stand down, Commander!" the Admiral barks.
"But, Sir..."
"I said STAND DOWN!"
I stare at this man as if looking at a stranger. This is a man that’s been almost like a father to me, a man that I’ve had the utmost respect for...until about a month ago. The man before me basically threw me to the wolves and told me to deal with it on my own. He ordered everyone away, and they obeyed them.
And now he’s ordering me to do the same. My fists clench at my sides. This whole scenario is unacceptable. The son of a bitch is telling me to desert her. To just stand by and do nothing.
He can’t just expect me to let this go. He knows me better than that. Especially where Sarah Mackenzie is concerned.
Almost as if sensing my insubordinate thoughts, Chegwidden gets right in my face. "Don’t even think about disobeying this order, Rabb. The only reason I’m telling you this now is because, somehow, you seemed to have made a friend in the CIA. Tell me, how did you manage to get in to the loop?"
I gulp once at his slightly accusatory tone, not really sure how to answer that question.
My silence has just managed to alienate him completely. "Anyway, now we’ve been informed. Go home and sleep off the hangover. We will be kept abreast of the CIA’s progress. Dismissed."
That’s it?! "You can’t expect me to just leave her there. To let her fend for..."
"I expect my orders to be followed. That will be all, Commander." He turns he back on me, effectively ending the discussion.
Well to hell with that. I swallow my fury and exit his office without another word. This is by no means over with. In fact I’m just getting started.
Storming over to my office, I slam the door behind me before jerkily making my way over to my desk and booting up my computer. I’m madder than hell at the moment, not only at the Admiral’s seeming lack of concern about Mac, but at my own lack of action up to this point. Not any more.
It seems to take forever to boot up as I sit, drumming my fingers nervously on the desk top. Finally the desktop appears. All at once what I’m about to do drives the air out of my lungs. Can I really do it? I’ve been riding on nothing but bourbon and adrenaline for the last hour, but at the moment things have never looked so clear.
Taking a cab over here, paying double for him to break every speed law along the way, I really had no idea that it would all come down to this. My mind had conjured up every possible scenario, playing them on one continuous loop over and over. I’d seen them all in my dreams before. But actually hearing that Mac was in trouble, possibly dead, and we were doing nothing...there isn’t enough alcohol in the world that could ever take that pain away.
With a steely determination, I click on the Word icon. The blank, white page stares back at me, daring me to do it, to make the sacrifice. To make things right.
Mac’s voice echoes loudly in my head. "What would you give up..?"
I hope, when all is said and done, and if we make it out of this alive, she’ll finally have her answer.
After typing out the short letter, I print it out. Looking it over I feel an overwhelming sense of sadness. But I know this is the only way. Signing my name at the bottom the deal is done. Now with a purpose I walk over to the Admiral’s office, not bothering to knock before entering. He doesn’t even look up from his desk before saying, "Damn it, Harm. I thought I told you..."
Placing the letter on his desk effectively cuts him off. Without waiting for an answer I start to walk out the way I came.
"She means this much to you?" he says quietly.
That one statement stops me cold. Turning around I look at this man for the last time as my Commanding Officer. "She always has. But for the first time in my life I’m going to prove it."
We stare each other down for a moment more before he gets up from his desk, grabbing a sheet of paper on his way over to me. "Then you’re going to need this."
Looking down at the paper I see a phone number along with an address where I’ll find Gunny. Meeting his eyes once more I nod, accepting finally that the Navy Seal I’ve served under the last seven years is still the same man I see before me.
"Bring her home, Harm."
"I plan on it."
Taking another taxi to the airport I lean my head back on the seat, my hand clenched tightly around my one link to Mac, letting my mind wrap around everything that’s happened in the last six hours of my life. I find, not for the first time this evening, that my life really is a mess.
Making my way to my gate, I get strange looks from those around me. I’m sure I look as bad as I feel. I’m a mess. At least I’m not drunk anymore. I sobered up real quick after the Admiral’s call. Sinking into my seat, I turn toward the window and stare out at the dark runway.
I really should try to get some sleep on the way down there, but I’m not tired. There are some things I really need to do that I didn’t give much thought to when I impulsively jumped on this plane. My mom deserves a letter in case things...and then there’s my grandmother. I’ll write them and mail them when I get to Paraguay.
Closing my eyes, I let Mac’s smiling face fill my mind. I just can’t help but think now what do I do? What happens when I get down there? How am I supposed to get her out once I find her? And dear God, what do I do if she doesn’t make it? My life isn’t worth a damn if she doesn’t, not that it’s worth much right now.
She has to make it. She just has to. I won’t accept anything else. I still have too much to say to her. She’s not leaving me without knowing how much I love her, damn it!
TBC?