At fusion, its like the college ministry thing @ anastasia baptist...on wednesday...jill spoke, and had us do this thing...where we could go up to the cross and write down all the things that get in the way of us and our relationship with God...in hopes that we'd just leave them there, on the cross, where they belong...but some reason, no matter how many times i do things like that...and mean it each time...i grab onto the same things, i remember at camp we found stones that were symbolic and threw them into the lake, cuz they were no longer suppost to be there....but it is...and i dont know what to do anymore...because i guess i feel like i CAN move ahead even if those things are there....but i dont know if i want these things to come along, again...i dont know...im just thinking here on my computer screen, yet again ;o)~
11-24-2003~ok, i guess this is a little continued....so, like i said i feel i can move ahead with the stuff, maybe....but if its been there since the first time i said i'd give everything up to God...and i still haven't...and obviously never really moved on from it...i probably can't move ahead without dropping it completely.
*your mercy reigns, your mercy falls, yet rises w/ the sun*
anyways...Thanksgiving is this week...everyone loves thanksgiving..:shrugs::...i guess it's alright. and i am thankful i have a family that can afford the foods and have leftovers of the same food for like 3 weeks...but all at the same time, im really not a huge fan of the choices of food that is eaten...nor am i a huge fan of the fact that everyone just eats all day so that u can't even move and u feel disgusting...my goal this year...not to do that. :oD...
?????*11-28-03*~ Thanksgiving was a very nice day this year...i enjoyed it ;o)...it was the first holiday at my Grandma and Grandpa Corey's house in Florida...my grandma cooked everything except the corn stuff and the pink stuff...my mom made that, and i even had some cranberry sauce, its soo good, but i never knew that because my parents dont like it so we never had it!...
Today i decided that the biggest thing in the whole world that i hate is when people ...make promises.....and not keep them...it happens all. the. time. all. t h e. time... i really, would just rather someone come out and say from the get go that they dont think they want to dont want to or can or cant do something...im always fed false hope...always....and i hate it...i'd much rather not get my hopes up....
But on a brighter note...today i got to spend time with my favorite lil kids in the whole wide world this morning...they weren't behaved all that great, but they're still cute, and they're still learning...and always teaching you something...
*12-3-03-*she'd do anything to sparkle in his eye, she would suffer, she would fight and compromise, she's been wishin on stars that shine so bright for answers to questions that will haunt her tonight...she must, rinse this all away, she cant hold him this way, she must rinse this all away, she can't love him this way. how she'd be soothed if he could see she needs to be held in his arms to be freed, but everything happens for reasons she will never understand till she understands that the heart of a woman will never be found in the arms of a man., and as she runs away she fears she wont be followed, what could be worse than leaving something behind? and as the depth of the oceans slowly becomes shallow-its loneliness she finds..* ....*funny how when the bottoms drop how she forgets to fight* i love how friends can give eachother the best advice in the world...but, wonder if anyone ever REALLY takes it....they say * yea i know i know i know* But i think theres times when we're all hypocrites. We all can tell someone to do this, to take better care of themselves, that they are worth more than what they're letting themselves become...not to sell themselves short. but we all do it, i dont know if its worth the constant giving of advice, or if its just a hopeless cause. i suppose there is purpose to it, because if people were never encouraging...the world would just be bad i think. I guess im just upset, i just dont want my friend to do things that she's doing, she's too good for this stuff...and if you are reading this, you are too good for it, and you deserve so much more...*
*12-6-03~* i woke up on this morning, andmisery surrounds me, and i am forced to face a day i didnt even want to begin. God knows im going through it, it's hard to imagine i can make it this time, as my sadness mounts i pray that this day would end, cry myself to sleep and then start again..perhaps you've lost a loved one, lost all your faith, can barely pray for the strength you need to go on...well darling dont give up now..i know that inevitably this too shall pass...just to take the pain away so you can see a brighter day, i know you can find the strength that you need, to get you through what you're going through..dont worry, no matter, he hears you, keep praying..*~ ok, so my day really hasnt been all that bad today, i just heard the song and i've been there..just made me think...anyways, finals time...back to the books...
12-11-03~ What a crazy time this is....finals are finally over...stress is done...Amen....now im home, and, i really...dont know what to do with myself...already i feel like such a waste...im sick...but that is no excuse, i came home..watched some cross country races on TV...which i enjoyed rather thoroughly..;o)~...and what else...oh, watched some more tv...my mom came home with cold eeze and cough drops for me, i felt pretty loved...and at the same time like some quarantined diseased beast....but, we put together a fake tree and put it on the porch and decorated it ( mind u it was really cold out there w/ bare feet!!)...b4 that we ate some food, she had some leftovers from work and made me some hot chicken wings...they were great...then later when my dad got home from work we went to Dairy Queen.....also really yummy...i need to find something to do, or im gonna be eating and sleeping this whole winter break...lol, not a good combination...;o)....
12-17-03....i could cry... i was almost done with a really freakin long post...that was really meaningful to me, and its gone, something in my computer went crazy and this whole page almost got deleted. :::ahh:::...so i will make it shorter, basically i said alot can happen in a week...i worked, argued with my mom, and made up with her...but it was a process....im gonna make a new page, and explain...