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12-17-03...ok, continued...last night i could not sleep for the life of me, so i got out of my bed and read 2 pgs from this book" e-mail from God"...and alot of it was yes i know that, ok ok...but alot of it was...this is what u are doing, and you should be...and some of it was like, you know u need to work on this...so here is what it was...the first MAKE IT RIGHT: "If you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First, go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift." ~ Matthew 5:23-24...and in the e-mail...it said "I want you to keep short accounts. That means I dont want you to be mad at anyone for long. I undestand people get on your nerves-...But I want you to be at peace with those around you."...so yes, i was doing right by trying to make things better bt my mom and i...helping w/ the cookies, basically doing them..but then something in me was just like ok...give her a hug tell her u love her...so i did...and no response, but i knew thats all i could do, sometimes just leaving it at that is all u can do...and its all i did...and then at the same time it said to me...yea u can be short, and people get on your nerves ( my sister even said its true with me..b4 i read it)...and i know, but i cant help it...i try to i really do...theres just some things, like when i get accused of something i KNOW i didnt do...i will do anything in my physical poooowers to prove it to you...which im still not sure if that is good or bad...but here is the 2nd e-mail LET IT GO: " love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you" matthew 5;44....so, again the whole persucution/accusation thing...so yes i prayed on it...seemed like forever, but i did, and ya know what...prayer...works...it does...i know its not always in my direct favor...but it does what is right...so, here is what the e-mail said "...if someone cuts you down with mean words, dont carry those words around. you're only hurting yourself. One of the best ways to heal from an emotional wound is to pray a blessing on the person who hurt you. i know it sounds crazy but praying for your enemies keeps their mean words from controlling you..i want you to love everybody, i'll help you do it."...i was just like ok, amen...im ready to go...lol...and that was that...i jumped back into my bed in hopes of falling right back to sleep, but u know....i still really didnt get a wink of sleep in...i think the last time i checked the clock was like 5;45 6ish...then zach was up at 7...and then i fell asleep and then they woke me up at 9...so...2 hours..lovely...and here, 12;38 am im still up...woe is me huh?... |
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12-21-03....wow, had a nice day at work today, it was so busy, and there were only two of us for awhile because tony didnt come in till like 5, and greg came at 11 and left at 1;30...and inbetween it was just me and the little lady, betty...i love her so much tho!! she's always so nice and tells me that im her favorite person to work with...she's great...and she even told me today i had some great talents...how nice is that? i was just like...ahh, thanks so much...she always makes me smile... i came home from work tonight and my sister was here wrapping away w/ my dad for her kiddies...they're gonna have a really nice Christmas morning!...and she even said i she knew what i was getting for christmas..and kinda was really excited about it...so it has me wondering...because there is really nothing that i wanted besides i guess a ticket to ny, and maybe my books for next semester...and i dont think they're going to get my ticket, but they also havent cashed my check...so im curious...and they dont know about the book request....::shrugs::..otherwise...i really dont know, i havent been a great daughter to make santa pleased with me...i lied...lol, and talk back...great combination...
moving on....so i am really bummed tonight...it went great w/ my sis over here w/ my rents and all i had a ggreat time and all...but, my mom kinda plugged in that my aunt carole ( the wife of my dads brother tom that killed himself)...wont be coming here for Christmas...man...i was SO excited...i really wanted her to be here...i mean, REALLY...i even had a card and everything for her saying how happy i was that she was here...and she's not going to be...::sighs::...i dont know...i just dont know anymore... |
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12-29-03~ooooooooooooooo boy~~~ i am SOsoSOsoSOsoSO excited!!i am leaving tonight for the TRAINSTATION to go to new york and see the Ball drop in times square..it is going to be amazing...i get to go with some awesome friends too...YAYA..... |
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1-08-04...happy new year!!!!....so i could talk and talk about the trip..but i really dont feel like it. It was a blast though, i had tons of fun!!! saw lots of stuff...and saw the ball drop and got to touch the confetti that falls in times square...and walk around central park...and tons of other stuff...it was great! |
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1-12-03~...ahh, ok, so while i was packing for my trip to nyc i found a book in my house called "Mama Flora's family" and decided i really wanted to read it...i read a bit of it...and its a really good book actually...about the south and slavery and rights of passage into adulthood and jsut good reading...and theres this part where the teenage girl Flora is about to go to a dance, and this is what happens....." 'Charlie was not the man of flora's dreams. He was short and stocky, his face was flat with very thick lips, and his skin was ebony black. But he was cheerful and he had a good heart, flora knew. He was the first man who had ever asked her to dance. In that moment he might have been Adonis.--' I cain't dance,' Flora whispered. 'Lordy, Miz Flo,' Charlie lauged, 'ev'ry n***** can dance. Jes move to the music.' ...It was a short distance, but a long walk for Flora. Yearning to be part of the crowd and its energy, wanting to give herself to the music, she was sure she would make a fool of herself....she was sure that her simple dress made her look like a schoolgirl at a church social. Which is what she had been, until this moment, but when Charlie led her to the dance floor and, without a moments pause, started moving to the music, a new Flora was born, after a seventeen-year gestation. The music became everything. The music inhabited her, infectedher, entranced her. She heard, somewhere inside her, rhythms she did not know she knew, but were suddenly as familiar to her as yesterday. She felt the movement-her mind had no part in this-her body swayed and twisted as naturally as breathing. ... She had lied to Charlie. She could dance. ....She was unaware of time, unaware of the changing tunes, and even the different bands; she was almost unaware of her partners. She was simply herself. She did not lose her reason; part of her recorded the faces of everyone she danced with, that she might remember them in her waking dreams, or to tell Josie, later, of the fun she had had,......Then suddenly, one was different." |
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1-19-04~ "Nothing.
nothing is wrong,
and asking is against the rules.
Crying is against the rules.
you're strong, dont let them break you.
They're trying to destroy you." |
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2-8-04~ Wow...so i guess school picked up some and i got a little distracted from writing here at all...The 22nd i did something i thought i never could do...but hey, Phil 4;13...its true....i can do all things through him who gives me strength.....I was reading 1Peter also...and here is a verse that i really believe is so true...and really makes me understand why..."bad things happen to good people"...1:6-7 " Though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith...may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed."... |
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