| College 2002-3Journal continued... |
| Feb 17, 2003 |
| Wow, it has been quite a long time since i wrote in my trusty journal here. So much has happened. A) i survived my first semester at Flagler College. It was an interesting time. i survived THREE suicides that occured back at home. Ernie Anthony, Scott sickles, then Bethany White. I am hoping i won't have to cope with anymore of those, ever, ever again. |
| Feb 18 2003 |
| B) My parents finally moved into a house in orange park fl, from lil binghamton ny... I think, i have...this immense fear that i will forget my house, i dont ever want to forget anything about it. anything. My friend kaycee came down to florida and i went to orlando to watch my friend christina run the disney marathon, and was able to see kaycee..it was so much fun, though, it made me miss binghamton and all my people up there... I almost got a tattoo of a frog holding a daisy, it was so cute...i say it showed suprise, spunk, and of course, my prissy side. hehe.. |
| Feb 20 2003 |
| Through the first and now, present semesters i have been wondering alot about myself and my ethnic background and roots and stuff. It has been making me really frustrated. yet, still curious, and unwilling to let it go and forget about it. Now i am doing a paper for english and possibly an informative speech on Transracial adoptions. realizing my parents sorta sheltered my sister and my own backgrounds. i know i am mixed, but mixed with what? mixed with what.i hate not knowing. |
| April 11 2003 |
| hey, so today is the day after the uncle of mines birthday that killed himself. It's been a bad couple of weeks. A) the constant reminder that the only uncle i really liked, knew, connected with killed himself and forgot about me and B) I have like 9 days left until everyone leaves and goes home. But do i get to go home? um no, i get to go back to freakin orange park. what the heck is that? not home. i miss my friends, my house, my town. i miss everything i even couldnt stand there. i have a few friends here, but ya know, there gonna leave ..and i'll be here with extended family that i hardly know and quite frankly am afraid of...... |
| November 14, 2002 |
| * I dont wanna start over again, just want my life to be the same, just like it used to be, some days i hate everything*~everclear |
| I cant belive it's really happening, In a couple a days my parents will load the last few things into their cars and U-hauls and leave my house of 18 years behind, stranded. Ya know, som days, * i hate everything, everyone and everything* There is nothing i can do to stop it. Nothing i can do to even slow it down. Everything i have ever known is about to fade. I feel like i was only on a vacation where i can learn, and then go back HOME eventually, like any other college student. But no, my house has been ripped away from me, no matter how hard i try to hold on to it, its going....... |
| ~* I dont wanna hear you say, everything is wonderful now...yea everything is wonderful now*~ |