| Spike Gets Cable By Wwolfe |
| Disclaimer: Characters and situations related to BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER are the property of others. No copyright infringement is intended or implied. But it won't matter if you sue, because Wwolfe isn't some kid that'll fold like a house of cards, he's the legal counsel for the DarkSide, the Devil's Mouthpiece, the real lawyer from Hell. So go ahead. Do your worst. If you dare. Bwa Ha Ha! Archive- Please email request. Feedback- Absolutely. ******************* An answer to J.A.I.T.'s fic challenge ton the BC&S General Spoilage Board on April Fool's Day, 2002. Guidelines: Fic can be any length (preferably short), but must contain at least THREE of the following: 1. A reference to demon hygiene. 2. Dawn's report card 3. An 'innocent' bystander. 4. A new use for a champagne bottle. And MUST contain the following line: "It's the kind that lights up." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ *SPIKE GETS CABLE* Spike was the picture of inertia, slumped on his Barca-Lounger in the basement of his crypt. Crumpled bags of Doritos and empty cans of RC Cola lay strewn in piles around the floor, like casualties after a hard-fought battle. Spike channel-surfed, staring blankly at the flashing images on the TV, when he stumbled across a new channel at the highest end of the available numbers. A very tall, green demon stood on a bare set, speaking directly into the camera. Although his scaley, bumpy skin and two horns on his head may have made it difficult for the average viewer to tell, Spike got the distinct impression that the demon was trying to be cheerful - ingratiating, even. Fascinated, Spike stopped his reflexive flicking of the remote control to listen to the demon. "Has this ever happened to you?" the demon asked. "You're out on a date, everything is going well, when - suddenly - your date notices the fungus on your fangs!! Well, now you need no longer worry about the embarrassment of Fang Fungus, thanks to Ronco's Flame-Away Fungus Remover. Just one application removes tell-tale signs of fungus. Take a look!" Spike stared in fascination as the demon curled back his lips to reveal his fungus-covered fangs. Taking out what appeared to be a small flamethrower, the demon shot a jet of flame into his mouth, while shouting over the noise, "Feels refreshing, too!" When the flame stopped, the demon showed his now-spotless fangs with beaming pride to the camera. "It's not only the most effective fungus remover you can find," said the demon. "It's the kind that lights up!" Shooting off one last burst of flame, the demon smiled exuberantly. "Plus, if you act now, we'll send you a free sample of our patented method for clearing up your sinus troubles!" the demon continued. Grabbing what appeared to be a bottle of champagne, the demon shook it violently and popped the cork just as he thrust the bottle up his nose. Two streams of champagne sprayed out his ears as the demon smiled broadly. "Ahhh! Now THAT'S relief!" he cried. Tossing aside the empty champagne bottle, the demon finished his spiel by giving the address where interested viewers could send their $19.95 plus tax and shipping to receive a shipment of Flame-Away Fungus Remover, plus a free sample of what was apparently known as Sinus Sudz. Spike felt faintly nauseous, like the time he'd bitten the guy walking out of a night baseball game at Cleveland Municipal Stadium who'd just eaten three king-size perogies. The FCC has GOT to clamp down on cable stations, thought Spike. I mean, I'm an innocent bystander here. Main Menu ~ Return to "Other Worlds" Menu |