UndeadScare1

Disclaimer: All characters, except for Johnny York, are property of BTVS. Johnny York is my own creation. I have fictionalized much of the worship of Cybele and Attis; no offense is meant to those who actually profess that religion.

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PROLOGUE
[Oz� van sits in his driveway. Inside the van, the sun streams in through the windows illuminating Willow and Oz basking in afterglow and covered in a brightly-colored afghan.]

Willow: Tarzan.

Oz: You know vans have to be the only type of vehicle that is useful even without a transmission.

Willow: Mmmm. But you didn�t answer. If we see Tarzan, we could play Tarzan and Jane when we get back. I�d even let you be Tarzan.

Oz: You made me see Mulan last year. We could compromise. Double feature�first we see your movie; then we see mine.

Willow: But I hated the first one.

Oz: You didn�t like anything about it?

Willow: The guy who played Scott was kinda cute. A little on the short side, but cute.

Oz: Short?

Willow: Of course, some women find diminutive stature to be a sign of virility. Seriously, I don�t think a double feature is a good idea. We�d get out late. With the van broken, we�d have to walk home.

Oz: I never thought we�d miss the mayor.

Willow (seductively): We could avoid the demons by staying in.

Oz: We could.

Willow: I�m sure we could find something to do.

Oz: I�m sure.

Willow: Such as?

Oz: A cinema classic. Sandra Dee and Troy Donahue in the throes of forbidden passion.

Willow (disappointed): Not again.

Oz: With Academy Award nominees Dorothy McGuire and Arthur Kennedy.

Willow: Besides, we left the feather boa at my place.

[Suddenly, the lovers� rendezvous is interrupted by a large object crashing down on the top of the van. Oz throws on his jeans and opens the door.]

Oz: Stay here.

[Willow ignores him, wraps herself in the afghan, and follows him out of the van. A bright orange demon jumps off the top of the van and chases after two black demon midgets at the foot of the driveway.]

Orange demon (running off): By the power of Kelkor, I will be avenged.

Willow: We need a new mayor.

[Cut to Joyce�s office at the art gallery. Packing crates and plastic bubble wrap litter the floor. Joyce sits at the desk frantically searching through piles of invoices. Buffy looks hopefully at her harried mother.]

Joyce: Buffy, we can talk about this later. I have to find who signed off on the china. Six pieces arrived chipped.

Buffy: I suppose. I just don�t want it wait until September. You know I wouldn�t ask if it weren�t necessary for world savage.

Joyce: I wouldn�t get your hopes up. It�s not that I don�t want you to have a car�that�s only part of it. I just can�t afford it right now.

Buffy: A car would really help me juggle schoolwork and slayage.

Joyce: It�s not that I don�t realize that. The money�s just not there. Maybe if you got a job, then I could supplement what you save.

Buffy: I can�t get a job. I have one. It just pays lousy. Actually, it pays nothing. It doesn�t have to be a brand spanking new Miata. It could be an Impala�from the seventies. I have nothing against rust. I just need something to go from here to there, with a trunk that can hold a couple of bodies. With Cordelia gone and Oz� van on the fritz, I�m sorta having trouble getting where the demons are.

Joyce: (yelling off) Barry, where�s the Weston invoice? (to Buffy) I heard that the new mayor has a plan for eliminating the demons from Sunnydale.

Buffy: We have a new mayor?

Joyce: The city council appointed someone yesterday. An editorial in the Sunnydale Gazette praises his get tough on demonic activity stance. I clipped it for you. I think you�ll be very interested in who it is.

[After a knock, a young worker dressed in cargo pants and a stained tee-shirt enters. With the outfit and his crazy hair, he has art student written all over him.]

Barry: Ms. Summers, city hall just called. The new mayor would like to see a few pieces.

Joyce: Well, speak of the devil.

Buffy: Mom, don�t say �devil� and �mayor� in the same thought.

Joyce: Did he make an appointment?

Barry: No, he would like you to come in person. He requested you special.

Joyce: Does he expect me to bring the whole gallery? Ugh, I can�t deal with all this. Barry, have you seen the china invoice?

Barry: (pulling a slip of paper from a pile on the desk) Is this it?

[Joyce takes the paper and relaxes back in her chair.]

Joyce: The mayor shouldn�t get too comfortable. The city council only appointed him until the November election.

Barry: That�s not your problem. I�m going on lunch.

Joyce: Remember �lunch hour� means exactly what it says.

[Barry leaves.]

Buffy: I�ve been here for three years and haven�t been able to get rid of the demons, and I�m the slayer. The mayor expects to come in, and �poof� the demons will go away. Who does he think he is, a god or something?

[Cut to Angel�s mansion, now empty except for a pine tree in the center of the living room. A blond young man, bare to the waist, kneels before it.

Johnny: Great mother Cybele, I exist by your grace. I praise thee and surrender my body to your power. Deas amo.

[Credits roll. Buffy�s theme plays.]

PART ONE
[Joyce is shown into the mayor�s office by a frumpy middle-aged woman wearing Alfred Dunner clothes and Easy Spirit shoes. Two workers wearing yellow armbands busily pack up Mayor Wilkins� collection of shrunken heads and other occult memorabilia. A buxom young blonde with an eerie resemblance to Sable cleans pine needles out of the tread of size-13 New Balance shoes with a letter opener. A well-dressed but shoeless young man with blonde hair that can only be described as floppy sits on the desk playing with a yo-yo. Upon seeing Joyce, the man jumps off the desk and approaches her.]

Johnny: Ms. Summers?

Joyce: Yes, I was�

Johnny: I�m the mayor, Jonathan York.

Joyce: (taken aback): Aren�t you a little�I knew but�so how did you come to be mayor?

Johnny: The city council appointed me. They thought I could lead Sunnydale into the next millenium, or, at least, until the November election. But I know what you�re thinking, I�m a little young to be a city father.

Joyce: Well�yes�but you wanted to see me.

Johnny: Yes, I hear if you want to talk art in this town, you�re the lady to talk to. My predecessor�s taste in decoration seemed to run along the lines of the tribal sacrifice motif.

Joyce: I see. And you want me to help you redecorate?

Johnny: Exactly. Not just the office. My home as well.

Joyce: What sort of pieces are you interested in?

Johnny: I really don�t know. Art�s never been my thing. Feel free to choose anything you think would look impressive.

Joyce: What sort of price range are you considering?

Johnny: The more expensive the better. (moving toward her) You know, you�re a very attractive woman, Ms. Summers, or may I call you Joyce?

Joyce: Yes, well, I think we better keep it to Ms. Summers.

Johnny: Strictly business.

Joyce: Yes.

Johnny: After all, I�m young enough to be your son.

Joyce: That�s a big part of it.

Johnny: And my reputation has preceded me.

Joyce: Buffy did tell me a few things.

Johnny: And you slept with my father.

Joyce: (startled): What?!

Johnny: Twice. Go dad.

Joyce: How did�I don�t know what�you little�uhh�

[Flummoxed, Joyce sits down in a nearby leather chair.]

Johnny: Fun with telepathy. I know a lot of things. You�d be surprised. You have lovely hair. I know how difficult it must have been to have raised a daughter, a slayer, by yourself, no one to talk to, no one to understand.

Joyce: Mayor York�

Johnny: I know. Strictly business. What do you say�after we finish discussing the office we go look around my place? And feel free to call me John.

[Cut to Giles� house. He and Buffy are sitting on the floor sorting through boxes of old books.]

Buffy: Math. I can�t believe in college they still make you take math.

Giles: It�s good to get your requirements out of the way during your first few semesters.

Buffy: So I have English comp because they say so. Then, I have math�yeach. For my phys. ed. requirement, I thought I�d take archery because I�d be ahead of the game. And then as an elective, I�m going to go with Death and Dying because, again, ahead of the game. I mean how many college freshmen have actually died. That should get me a �B� in the class, at least. So I have one more class to choose. I can get another requirement out of the way, or I can take Demonology 105.

Giles: That sounds ideal for you.

Buffy: On the other hand, all slay and no play makes for a dull Buffy and a very freaky social life. By the way, this is exactly how I pictured spending my summer.

Giles: Rebuilding the library is an essential part of our struggle against the forces of darkness. This demon war popped up out of nowhere. We have to put a stop to it.

Buffy: (doing Brando) I want a meeting with the heads of all the five families.

Giles: I didn�t realize how Mayor Wilkins kept all the factions in line.

Buffy: Well, we have a new mayor now.

Giles: Since when?

Buffy: Yesterday, I guess. My mom was telling me about it this morning when the mayor sent for her.

Giles: And you didn�t tell me straight away?

Buffy: It didn�t seem important. Anyone who�s more interested in seeing mom than me can�t be that dangerous. But here she gave me this.

[Buffy hands Giles a newspaper clipping.]

Giles: I can�t believe after all this time, you don�t realize how important these things can be. (reading aloud) A new day for Sunnydale. With the enthusiasm, youth, and irrepressible charm of Little Orphan Annie, Sunnydale�s new mayor, Jonathan G. York of 10E1125 Crawford Street, has promised that the sun will indeed come out tomorrow.

[Giles stops reading and removes his glasses, his eyes downcast.]

Buffy: I didn�t read it. I�m sorry.

Giles: I suppose I should go see him�say�something.

Buffy: The address�that�s Angel�s place.

Giles: I know.

Buffy: God, I can�t believe he came back. I can�t believe they made him mayor.

Giles: When the others come back with the car�

Buffy: Why do they come back to Sunnydale? It can�t be any more fun for them than it is for me.

[Oz and Willow enter loaded with boxes of old books.]

Willow: (setting down the boxes) Paperbacks were a great invention.

[After setting down his load, Oz pulls out a set of keys from his pocket and tosses them to Giles, who fails to catch them.]

Oz: You need gas, a new engine, brakes, exhaust system, and more trunk space.

Giles: (distracted) The boot is small. I�d better go.

[He starts to pick up the keys but hesitates.]

Giles: (cont�d) I don�t want to see him.

Willow: Who? Suffering exposition deprivation.

Buffy: Johnny�s the new mayor.

Willow: Giles� son Johnny? Evil god boy?

Buffy: That would be him.

Willow: Isn�t he kind of young to be mayor? What does he want?

Oz: Attention.

Buffy: What?

Oz: He wants attention.

Buffy: Why didn�t he just go on a talk show? �I�m a god, but I just want to be loved,� or something like that.

Oz: Giles. He wants Giles to notice him.

Giles: I suspect you are right.

Willow: What are you gonna say?

[Giles remains silent, picks up the keys, and leaves.]

[Cut to the park. A work group is busy making ready for the upcoming 4th of July celebration. The speaker�s platform is being decorated in red, white, and blue bunting. Overhead, two workers raise a banner reading �Freedom from Fear.�)

[Cut to the waterfront. Another group of workers are busy remodeling several old warehouses. Two particularly burly workers lug a bronze sign to the front of the nearest building. The sign reads �Paradise #1.�]

PART TWO
[Angel�s mansion. Giles enters from the garden. The living room is deserted. Several high modernist paintings lean against the walls, waiting to be hung up, their packing materials strewn about. Giles picks up a sheet of bubble wrap and absentmindedly begins playing with it. He looks at the ceiling unable to proceed. Any action he might have taken is forestalled, however, as Johnny comes bounding in from the bedroom wearing only navy sweat pants with Joyce riding piggyback. Joyce seems to be wearing the rest of Johnny�s outfit: an oversize tee-shirt with the words �Goddess Is Love� written on it.

Johnny: See this is what Gable meant. Colbert was doing potato�(noticing Giles) Daddy, how wonderful to see you. You�re looking well. It was about time for your perfunctory visit.

[Joyce slides off Johnny�s back and scurries back into the bedroom.]

Giles: I read about you in the paper.

Johnny: (sardonically) Are you proud to call me son?

Giles: What are you doing here?

Johnny: I thought it was obvious. I could draw you a diagram if you need it. My art skills aren�t great, but I�m sure I could convey the general idea.

Giles: In Sunnydale.

Johnny: Oh, well, I thought I�d be mayor for awhile.

Giles: Why?

Johnny: I�m bored. It was something to do.

Giles: Why not college?

Johnny: Can�t. Didn�t graduate high school.

Giles: Oh.

Johnny: Don�t know what to say, huh? Why did you come here?

Giles: I thought that I should.

Johnny: If there isn�t anything else�

Giles: What do you plan to do now?

Johnny: A nap probably. Then a shower. After that, I thought I would get rid of the demons.

Giles: What demons?

Johnny: All of them. I thought it was time to give something back to society, and this is much easier than joining the peace corps.

[Giles shifts his weight, unable to come up with anything to say, aware that nothing useful will come out of this conversation.]

Johnny: (cont�d) Yawn.

Giles: I guess I shall leave, but if I�

[Giles walks out leaving the thought unfinished. Johnny, his expression inscrutable, returns to the bedroom where Joyce, now dressed, furiously brushes her hair.]

Joyce: Oh, that was embarrassing. He�ll probably tell Buffy. What will she think? What kind of example am I setting? I�m a horrible parent.

[Johnny throws on the tee-shirt that Joyce left on the bed.]

Johnny: Why are you so afraid of her?

Joyce: I think all parents are a little scared of their children.

Johnny: My father is scared of me, but, then again, he should be. My mother�I don�t know. When she was alive, I wasn�t the thing I am now.

Joyce: Your mother was a single parent, right?

Johnny: Yeah.

Joyce: I�ll bet she was terrified.

[Johnny takes the hairbrush out of her hand and begins to stroke her hair gently.]

Johnny: She had red hair.

Joyce: (getting up) Slow down, Oedipus. This happened. I can�t change that, but it can never happened again.

Johnny: You and I, Joyce, together we can change this town, make it better. Get rid of the demons. Buffy would be able to live a normal life. I can do it, but I need your help.

[Cut to outside Giles� house at dusk. The demons are having a full-scale street war. In the distance, an air-raid siren sounds. Inside the house, Willow looks out the window with increasing dismay.]

Willow: (turning to Buffy and Oz) You know, when Xander was ten, his family went to Chicago on vacation, and his parents accidentally drove him out to Cabrini-Green and left him there.

Buffy: Is it that bad outside?

Willow: Worse.

Oz: And the vampires aren�t out yet.

Buffy: On the bright side, the more the bad guys kill each other, the less work there is for me.

[Before she finishes speaking, a slimy, green demon crashes through the window, knocking Wilow to the ground and sending shards of glass flying into the room. Before anyone can say, �Ohmigod, Buffy, there�s a demon in the room,� she picks up a large piece of glass and slices open the demon�s neck. The wound oozes green slime all over the carpet. Oz rushes over to Willow and helps her up.]

Oz: You okay?

Willow: Possibly. Was that a demon or am I seeing things?

Oz: Demon.

Willow: Then I�m okay.

[A puny horn sounds from outside the house. Buffy peers out the window.]

Buffy: It�s Giles.

Oz: (moving to look out the window) He�s under siege.

Buffy: What are those things?

Oz: I don�t know, but I can imagine what kind of chords they could play with those fingers.

[Oz begins to examine his own left hand.]

Oz: (cont�d) Stumpy, right?

Buffy: (not paying attention) Okay, we gotta get him out of there.

[Giles gives a sustained blast of the horn until it croaks and gives out.]

Buffy: (cont�d) Guys, hand me that demon.

[Oz and Willow look at each other. The, he grabs the shoulders of the recently departed fellow while Willow grabs the ankles.]

Oz: Where do you want him?

Buffy: Just toss him back out the window.

Willow: (wobbling) Ahh�heavy.

[Buffy grabs the demon�s feet from Willow and, with Oz� help, throws it out the broken window.]

Buffy: (leaning out; to the demons) I killed your friend. Why don�t you take him home and bury him?

[The leader of the little blue demons with long, long fingers who are swarming around Giles� car screws his little demon puss into a mask of contempt.]

Leader: We are the Vincentians. He was Dominican. Our clans have been at war since the Third Schism in 1432.

Buffy: Then burn his eyes, eat his flesh, or drink his heart, whatever it is that you do.

Leader: What do you think we are�savages?

2nd Demon: I am kind of hungry, boss.

Leader: (to the other demons) What about you?

3rd Demon: I could eat.

Leader: McDonalds? I think they still have teenie beanie babies.

[The other demons nod it agreement, and they all scamper away. Giles emerges unscathed from his car.]

Giles: This is getting out of hand.

Buffy: So what�s Johnny�s great plan for getting rid of the demons?

Giles: We actually didn�t touch upon that subject.

Buffy: It didn�t go well, huh?

Giles: Let us talk about it inside. I�m not sure it�s completely safe out here.

[Inside, Oz and Willow are busy collecting bits of shattered glass. Giles enters, and Buffy turns away from the window.]

Willow: How did it go?

Giles: No casualties. What is that on my carpet?

Oz: Learn anything?

Giles: Johnny claimed to be suffering from ennui, but I think there�s something more. I can�t put my finger on it. It seems that, uh, Mrs. Summers is somehow involved.

Buffy: I hope you mean the nasty Mrs. Summers who works at the concession counter at the movie theater.

Giles: Your mother.

Buffy: What was my mother doing with Johnny York?

Giles: Riding piggyback, actually.

Buffy: AHHHH. Mental pictures. Trauma. And I thought robot serial killers were as gross as she could go.

Giles: I wasn�t going to tell you, but it may prove to be important. Perhaps, you could talk to her, possibly get some information.

Buffy: I don�t even want to think about it, let alone talk about it.

Giles: Your mother may be the key to determining Johnny�s plans in Sunnydale, nefarious or otherwise.

Buffy: As bad as it is to talk to my mom about my sex life, it�s gonna be like 312 times harder to talk about hers.

Willow: You both did it with someone without a pulse. You can bond.

[Giles and Oz stare at Willow as Buffy turns a livid shade of red.]

Willow: (cont�d) With Xander Route 66ing, someone has to pick up the slack.

Buffy: No. No. No. No. (to Giles) You can talk to my mom about her sex life. After all, you�re a part of it.

Willow: What?

Oz: I�ll see that �what� and raise you a �the hell.�

Giles: Making it all the more awkward for me.

Buffy: Flip you for it.

Conclusion of "The Undead Scare"
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