| Letters (conclusion) By Swirly Head |
| Disclaimer: None of the characters relating to "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" belong to me or Swirly Head. They belong to Joss, Fox, the WB, Mutant Enemy, and probably a bunch of other people. But c'mon... how could you sue somebody with a cute name like Swirly Head, you heartless dogs... Archive- Email Swirly first. Feedback- If you can't give me feedback, give it to the prodigy known as Swirly Head. ******************* Slayer, Vexatious means annoying. I think it�s a perfect description of you. What�s happening with the god? Things are getting pretty heated here. PoofMaster 2000 has gone into overdrive, while the others just sit around. I went to see that Faith girl today�she�s still in jail. She asked after you. Wants to know if you�re okay. I said that you were. Was I right? ****** Spike, Don�t call Angel a PoofMaster 2000�while amusing, it isn�t nice. I�m not okay. It�s getting closer now...the final battle. The last showdown. I don�t want to go into details, but we�ve got a plan. I�m obviously playing a main part. I wish sometimes that this was all a dream�or a nightmare. Things are getting worse. Glory�s controlling a huge amount of demons�they�re watching me all the time. I don�t know if this letter will reach you...and oh my god, I sound like some kind of heroine in a bad romance novel. Buffy ****** Slayer, A romance novel were the two main characters hate each other? I don�t think so. I haven�t seen the PM2000 and Co for a little while�don�t know if they�ve killed Darla or not. Don�t care. I�m feeling a bit depressed. I have no purpose�used to be my purpose was to kill you, then my purpose was to hate you, then my purpose was to make you like me, and now my purpose is to write stupid letters. It�s a shitty purpose. I have a serious question for you now�do you want me to come back? I could try and help. Spike ****** Spike, I don�t think you should come back. I don�t think you need to. You told me I was good enough and that the bitch wouldn�t kill me�I have to try and believe you. How are you going to help? You�ve only ever gotten in the way�and I have my friends, my family, all the people who I care about with me in Sunnydale. I don�t need one extra person to look out for. Buffy ****** Slayer, I didn�t mean to get in the way. Any time I got in the way, I was trying to help. Surely it doesn�t bloody matter if I succeed or not, as long as I try? Like you said, all the people you care about are with you. I�m happy for you. Must be nice to have everyone you care about there. Don�t understand why they care about you. You�re an ungrateful little bitch. Remind me to never go out of my way for you or anyone else again, alright? Because they just throw it back in your face. I�ve bought a ticket back to England. I�m leaving in a couple of weeks. Spike ****** Spike, Before you go to England, answer my last question. When you said you loved me�did you mean it? Or were you messing with my head, for the umpteenth time? Buffy ****** Slayer, The truth? It was all a bit of a joke. I wanted to see if you�d shag me�you jumped into bed with that other pillock quick enough. Sorry to get your hopes up. Spike ****** Spike, Nice to know you cared. I thought you were changing�guess you really fooled us all. Bet you�re really proud of yourself. Have a great time in England. It isn�t like I needed to talk to you anyway. Like I said, I�ve got my diary�I may not have a shoulder to cry on, but I don�t need one. I�m strong enough. I�m good enough. The Slayer ****** Spike, I knew you couldn�t really love her. You�re deserting her when she needs you most. For the past few months you�ve been a�I don�t really know what you�ve been. All I know is that you�re running away, again. You disgust me. Think about it. Angel ****** Buffy, It�s been two months. I�m living in an abandoned mansion�it�s large and decorated in the brooding style. The God of Gel would like it. I think it�s alright, but it�s missing something. Two months is a long time when you�re alone. I�ve never been the sort of vampire who sits around in darkened rooms and sulks�not mentioning any names�but recently I�ve become the sort of vampire who sits around in darkened rooms and thinks. I thought about my life. I started with when I was born, and ended when I moved here. And it helped a little. Maybe now I understand myself more�some bits of the stupid bloody show reel made me laugh. Others didn�t make me cry�but came close. Just thought you should know that the last four years of it were full of you. I made a list of the more memorable bits. Why? Because for some reason I want you�need you to know me. Someone should know me. When I was eight, I had a puppy. It was called Percy, and he had big feet. When I was twenty-five, Percy died. I buried him under the tree in my garden. When I was eighty, I saw a little girl without any parents. Some of the other vampires had broken her back. She was crying�so I killed her. When I was one hundred and eighteen, I lay outside on my back all night and watched the stars. When the sun came up I let it warm me for a few seconds. They�re the only parts which have nothing to do with love or hate. So you might say that I�ve led a passionate life. I�m a liar. Trying to be truthful now. I�ve only ever loved three people. One of them is you. I was serious when I told you that before, and I�m serious now. I�ve only ever slept with three people. One of them is you. Don�t worry, Slayer, I didn�t slip you a pill and have my wicked way�no, when I stayed on the sofa in your house after you started crying�all night I stayed there. I�ve only ever really hated three people. Again, you�re one of them�take a guess at the other two. Only three people have ever made me cry. Cecily, Drusilla and you. You�re part of my life. You�re my bloody sun. The sun I can never touch, the sun I can never have, the sun who would kill me if I came too close�yet still I long for it. I yearn for it. I burn for it. For you. William ***** Slayer, Did you get my last letter? I forgot to add a return address�so I�ve sent you one here. Spike ***** Spike, Sorry for the delay in response. We didn�t know where you had set up residence, and were unable to contact you�Angel had some contacts in England, but it was understood that they didn�t have any idea as to your whereabouts. This is wrong. This is too formal. I thought that after two months perhaps it would be easier�but it isn�t. There is no easy way to say this, and there never will be. Buffy Anne Summers is dead. She�s dead�and every night I lay awake and hear those words again in my head�I know what you will do, Spike. You will read this letter a second time. Then you will scream and deny it, but it will always be true. It will always be true. The Slayer is dead. Glory is defeated. She killed her, and saved Dawn. Saved the world. It is important to remember that�I don�t know why, because it doesn�t make the pain any less painful, the sting any less sharp. When Buffy killed Glory...something went wrong. She slipped into a coma, and passed away in the night. She was a very brave girl, who always fought for what was right. She never gave up and I�m proud of her for that. I wear black now. Everything is black. Joyce received the letter from you addressed to Buffy�we haven�t opened it. Everyone else who attended the funeral left something inside the coffin. Angel insisted that we leave that letter. It is buried with her now. There was one more for you. I have sent it alongside this one. She put only your name on the front. A few words of advice. Please do not feel that you could have stopped or prevented this event�believe me, it makes matters worse. I don�t like you Spike, but I know that in your own way�you loved her. Do not do anything rash. One more thing. There will be a memorial service in a few weeks time. If you would like to attend, I extend an invitation to you. It is hard. And if you knew her at all�as I know you do�did�then you will remember her. Rupert Giles ***** Spike, Well, when you said you�d move to England�you really did. Tonight is the night�what a beautiful night, and they call it bella-norte�sorry about that. It�s from the Lady and the Tramp. It�s my favorite film. Have you ever seen it? It�s about this scruffy dog from the wrong side of the tracks who falls in love with this pretty little house dog...and she hates him at first but then she falls in love with him...and there�s a few problems along the way, but eventually, they end up together. Cool metaphor, huh? Anyway. Tonight is the night that I face up to Glory. I will face her and I will win. At least that�s what I keep telling myself�that isn�t what this is about. This is more important. This is about me saying sorry. Even if it never reaches you, I need to say it. I was harsh to you. You had every right to get mad. Didn�t think you�d move that far away from me�but�and I HATE to say this�I miss you. I miss your letters and the way you always make up horrible, insulting, yet strangely fitting names for Angel. I miss having someone to talk to that I don�t have to pretend with. That I can be straight with and speak my mind. I�m a liar. Because mostly I didn�t speak my mind about the person I was writing to...you. The truth is, you�ve been a part of my life for a long time�too long, I should have staked you when I had the chance. I�m glad I didn�t though. The problem is, I don�t know why I�m glad. And I want to find out. So, and this is a very big so, I�d like it if we could keep writing each other. I don�t believe what you said about trying to get me into bed by telling me you loved me. When I laughed�you looked hurt. And I felt cruel. I felt cruel and mean and horrible. The way I see it, if I still hated you, I�d have felt nothing. As it is, I feel things for you. Don�t start sending me red roses or anything. For one thing, I only like white. I am NOT in love with you. But I�m offering friendship. That�s a start, isn�t it? This is a fresh start. A clean slate. So come home. Buffy P.S. Remember to bleach your hair. I always notice when the roots show, and it bugs me. ****** Rupert, I shan�t be attending the memorial ceremony. It�s too soon�and I don�t want to blub and end up looking like an absolute wanker. However, I have a request. The day before the memorial, a dozen red roses will be delivered to Joyce�s house. There will be a card attached to them. Don�t read it. It�s private, and addressed to the Slayer. Spike ****** Slayer, This is surreal. You made me cry again. And I got angry�killed some demons. Killed quite a few�trying to even up the score. White roses�you say they�re your favorites. Well, I sent red roses. Because whenever I looked at you, I saw red. Red for passion, red for blood. Red for life and red for death. Red for hate and red for love. I still can�t believe that I�m writing this. It is surreal because your dead and it�s surreal because I�m sad. Bleached my hair again. No roots. Not even half an inch� There isn�t enough room on these poxy little cards they give you with the flowers. Truth is, I don�t want to stop writing. Because when I stop, that�ll be it. The end of my last letter to you. Didn�t know your middle name was Anne, Slayer. I think Buffy suits you better, although I�d never call you that to your face. In my head, whenever I dream of you, I�ll call you Buffy. In my dreams, you smile at me and we laugh together about old times�we�ll maybe have a fight or two. You liked to keep me on my toes. Then I�ll kiss you and the dream will stop and I realise I�m sitting here alone. Oh, I could sit here and waste a few years just dreaming up what ifs. What if I�d ignored your stupid letter and come back to help you? What if I�d kept my bloody feelings to myself? And so on. I won�t do that. People don�t like me. They won�t be happy to see me. But when the hurt has healed a little, and I�ve drunk all the alcohol I can find, I�ll come home. I�ll come home. Spike Main Menu ~ Return to the Other Worlds Menu |