RitesOfSpring2

Disclaimer: All characters, except for Johnny York, are property of BTVS. Johnny York is my own creation. I have fictionalized much of the worship of Cybele and Attis; no offense is meant to those who actually profess that religion.

Archive- Please email request.

Feedback- Absolutely.

*******************

[Cut to the Bronze. Buffy, Willow, and Xander walk in, heavily armed.]

Buffy: Well, that was a waste of an afternoon.

Xander: If I never do research again, it will be too soon.

Buffy: Well, tonight we party, and tomorrow we can start another utterly futile quest to find out anything on this Johnny guy.

Willow: I had no idea there were so many people in the world who like to sacrifice stuff. All those poor little lambs�

Buffy (suddenly alert): Guys, that�s him.

Oz: Where?

Buffy: Sitting over there with Cordelia.

[Johnny has his arm around Cordelia as he leans over to whisper something in her ear. She laughs genuinely in response. Noticing the gang watching him, Johnny kisses her deeply. Xander fumes.]

Willow: I don�t think kissing like that in public is legal.

Xander: Someone should put a stop to that.

[He starts to walk over, but Buffy holds him back.]

Buffy:   Don�t go. He�s too strong.

Xander: I�m going. You�re welcome to join me.

[Buffy reluctantly follows Xander as he approaches Johnny.]

Xander (to Cordelia): Hey.

[She and Johnny break off their kiss.]

Cordelia: What do you want? Can�t you see I�m with somebody? This is Johnny. Johnny, this is nobody.

Xander: He�s not human.

Cordelia: Please. Jealous much?

Johnny: I beg to differ. I�m quite human.

Buffy: If you�re so human, then what�s up with the whole mind-reading/throwing Angel into a tree thing?

Johnny: It�s a hobby. What can I say? Some people do needlepoint; others collect stamps; I�m a vampire tosser. It passes the time. (to Cordelia) What do you say we go back to my place?

Cordelia: I�d love to. It has gotten a little crowded in here.

Xander: Cordy, you just met this guy. He�s creepy. I wouldn�t go anywhere alone with him.

Cordelia: Well, I would.

[Cordelia and Johnny start to leave, but Xander steps in the way of their exit.]

Johnny: Well, now�s as a good a time as any. Core, why don�t you head back to your place, and I�ll try to catch up with you later. I�d like to talk to your friends, convince them I�m just a harmless little puppy dog.

[He flashes her a million dollar Hollywood smile.]

Cordelia: Alright, but they�re not my friends.

Johnny: You know, Core, you would look great as a blond.

[He kisses her hard, and she trots off on her way.]

Buffy (to Johnny): Outside, now.

[Cut to the alley outside the Bronze. Buffy faces Johnny, Willow on her right, Oz and Xander on her left.]

Johnny: I knew you�d want to see me again.

Buffy: You knew I�d have no choice.

Johnny: It would have behooved you to bring your vampire friend. You could have used the extra back-up.

Buffy: I wouldn�t underestimate my friends if I were you.

[Johnny laughs.]

Johnny (pointing to Oz): Oh, I admit this one would be a formidable opponent�in about twelve days when the moon is full. Right now, I�m relatively certain I have nothing to fear from him.

Oz: How did you know?

Buffy: Let me guess�you can read his mind.

Johnny: Well, I hate to expose any weakness, but he�s a little inscrutable. Not that I couldn�t read his mind, I just don�t like to strain. It�s work you know. I�m reading hers (points to Willow), completely open, every thought on display like a billboard. She thinks she�s a witch. I don�t like witches. They�re just little girls playing with forces they can�t even comprehend. Go back to Barbies, Willow.

Xander: So are you going to insult me now? Could you make it quick? I don�t have all night.

Johnny: No, it would be too easy.

Buffy: Are we gonna fight? I�ve had a long day.

Johnny: You don�t want to fight me.

Buffy: Are you sure? �Cause I really think I do.

Johnny: Not right now when I�m at full strength and you�re here with a novice witch, a pint-sized werewolf, and the Ralph Bellamy of Sunnydale. You know in all his movies Ralph never got the girl. In a career that lasted over sixty years, he never got any. (to Xander) You went out with Cordelia for a year, right? I�ll bet you a hundred dollars that I got farther tonight than you did in all that time.

[Johnny pulls a thick wad of cash from his pocket and holds out a hundred dollar bill. Angered and without thinking, Xander tries to tackle Johnny. An electrical rush emanating from Johnny hits Xander, and he flies across the alley. He manages to take Johnny�s sleeve with him, revealing a tattoo of a pine tree on his arm. Buffy rushes over to him to make sure he�s okay. Oz attempts to sneak up behind Johnny, but Johnny closes his fist, and Oz grabs his throat, unable to breathe. Willow moves her lips trying to think of a spell to counteract Johnny�s magic, but Johnny raises his other hand toward her. Countless frogs fall from the sky onto her. She screams.]

Willow: Frogs! Get them off me! Get them off me!

Johnny (to Willow) You�re just like an open book. (to Buffy) Sunday.

[He releases Oz, and the frogs disappear. Then, Johnny starts to grow fainter. He stops at translucent before he reaches invisibility and seems to concentrate quite hard.]

Johnny: Damn.

[He gives up trying to achieve invisibility and runs away.]

PART TWO
[Cut to the library. Giles searches through a large pile of books on the floor. Buffy comforts Willow who�s still in tears. Xander, his hair standing on end, lays on the table with his shirt off. Oz cleans a large burn on his side.]

Xander: Ow.

Oz: If you�d be still, it wouldn�t hurt so much.

Willow (crying): There were frogs, Buffy. Lots and lots of frogs.

[Angel enters.]

A
ngel: It smells like cooking meat in here.

Buffy: It�s just fried Xander.

Oz: He got burned.

Buffy: It was that guy we met last night. He�s like a witch or something.

Willow (sarcastically): No, he�s not a witch because witches are just silly little girls playing with magic.

Buffy: He hit Xander with some sort of lightening bolt.

Xander: Can I get a mirror?

Angel: Any clue on who or what he is?

Buffy (looking through her purse): He called himself Johnny, insulted witches, and had a tattoo of a pine tree on his arm.

Angel: A pine tree sounds Celtic in origin.

Giles: That�s what I thought. I�m looking up pre-Druidic cults, but nothing�s ringing a bell. Any ideas?

Angel: Not off the top of my head.

[Buffy pulls a compact out of her purse and walks over to hand it to Xander. Xander uses the mirror to examine his wound and makes a face.]

Xander: Is that going to scar?

Oz: If you think that�s bad, you should see your hair.

[Xander looks directly into the mirror.]

Xander: Oh god, I have Angel hair.

Angel: Hey.

Giles: Angel, do you speak Gaelic?

Angel: A little Irish Gaelic. Why?

Giles: Could you translate this text?

Angel: Let me have a look.

[He walks over to Giles, and the two examine the book.]

Oz: What was up with Cordelia? I�ve never seen her throw herself all over a guy like that before. (pause) I take that back. I�ve often seen her throw herself all over a guy.

Xander: He�s evil. The whole thing is just wrong.

Oz: And that whole Darth Vadar clutch thing. That was cool, although it wasn�t all that cool when I couldn�t breathe.

Angel: I�m sorry, Rupert. This is really beyond what I remember. I can tell you it says something about fairies.

Willow: He�s a fairy?

Xander: An evil fairy.

Giles: I don�t think so. None of these explanations fits with what we know about him.

Buffy: We know nothing about him.

Giles: Let�s keep looking. We know enough to rule out some possibilities. I think it will be a long night.

[Cut to Sunnydale�s Main Street. A few people bustle carefree about their daily business, as the area is bathed in bright sunshine and vampire-free. Johnny, who in the bright light of day eschews metallics, dressed in a crisp, white Armani shirt, a black Richard Tyler sportcoat, tight-fitted Calvin Klein jeans, and dark Raybans, looking like the Neiman-Marcus delivery truck exploded all over him, saunters up to an ATM next to the cinema. As he blocks the view from the street, the ATM begins to spew cash, which he collects and stuffs into a plastic garbage bag.]

[Cut to the library. Willow and Oz sit at the table asleep, their heads pillowed by the books in front of them. Xander lays asleep on the stairs, his shirt still off, his bandages in need of changing, a little stream of drool dripping off his chin. Buffy drags herself into the library, not fresh-faced, not bright-eyed, and nowhere near bushy-tailed.]

Buffy: Giles!

[The gang wakes up with a start.]

Willow: Buffy, you�re back.

Xander (grinning lasciviously): And your front.

Oz: What took you so long? We thought you were just going to take Angel home.

Buffy: Shower.

[The gang stares.]

Buffy (cont�d): No, not that. I was dirty. I went home. I took a shower. I got dressed. I was the good little Slayer and stopped by Xander�s to get him a new shirt.

[Buffy reaches into her backpack and pulls out a red jersey.]

Xander: Thanks, Buff. This one was killed in the line of duty.

[He holds up his old shirt, which features a sizeable scorched hole. Buffy tosses the new shirt to him, and he gets dressed.]

Buffy: Did you learn anything after we left?

Oz: About as much as we learned before you left. So, nothing.

Xander: Don�t you think Angel is old enough to walk home from school himself?

Buffy (ignoring him): What about Giles? Could he think of anything? Where is Giles?

[Cut to Giles� office. The gang crowds in the doorway looking at the librarian sleeping at his desk.]

Xander (whispering): He was all tuckered out.

Giles (mumbling in his sleep): No, mother, I won�t get a haircut�no more scones�the demons are coming�literature in the 800�s�Transylvanian transsexuals�

[Cut to the library. The gang emerges from the doorway to Giles� office.]

Buffy: I don�t want to know.

Xander: Seconded.

Willow: We need more information about Johnny, some key that will help up fit these pieces together.

Buffy: Johnny�s being Mr. Cryptic. I don�t know if I could make sense out of anything he tells me if I could even find him.

Xander: So we know nothing.

Buffy: Less than nothing.

Oz: But I know someone who knows something.

[Cut to a hallway in the school. The gang looks around. A blond girl starts to open one of the lockers. Xander stalks over to her.]

Xander: Hey, that�s Cordelia�s locker.

[The girl turns around, and she is Cordelia.]

Cordelia: Well, duh, that�s why I�m opening it�to get my books out.

[Xander moves his mouth, but no sound comes out.]

Cordelia (cont�d): Well, what do you want? God, I see more of you now than when we were�shudder�sigh of regret�dating.

Buffy: I think I speak for all of us when I say what did you do to your head?

Cordelia: Do you like it?

Willow: It�s�interesting.

Xander: A suicide blond�dyed by her own hand.

Cordelia: Johnny said I would look great as a blond. He has taste.

Xander: Johnny said�

[He stops before finishing his thought, and Buffy steps in.]

Buffy: Why don�t you tell us everything Johnny said?

[They walk off toward the library.]

[Cut to Buffy�s house. Johnny stands on the curb, leaning against his black Jeep Grand Cherokee.]

[Cut to the library. The gang lounges around as Cordelia finishes her tale.]

Cordelia: And then you guys interrupted, rudely I might add.

Oz: You talked about clothes all that time?

Cordelia: I know. Isn�t Johnny wonderful?

Buffy: He�s the living end. Are you sure he didn�t say or do anything else?

Cordelia: No, well, he gave me an address and told me to come there tomorrow.

Buffy (suddenly alert): Where?

Cordelia (annoyed): I don�t know; he wrote it down.

Buffy: Do you have it?

Cordelia: It�s in my purse.

Buffy: Could you get it?

Cordelia: I don�t know if I should. Why do you want it so badly?

Buffy (sans patience): Oz, grab her.

[Oz pins Cordelia�s arms down at her sides while Buffy snatches the purse and starts to rifle through it. She pulls out a piece of paper.]

Buffy: Got it.

[Oz lets go, and Cordelia takes her purse back and rights its contents.]

Cordelia: Being assaulted by a werewolf was exactly the way I wanted to start my day, thank you.

Oz: Actually, I prefer lupine individual. �Werewolf� is so pejorative.

Willow: Cordelia, why is there a duck on your purse?

Cordelia: I can�t believe I have to live in the land of the fashion-challenged. It�s a Dooney & Bourke.

Willow: Oh, I don�t know what that means.

Cordelia: I can�t wait to get out of Hellydale.

[Giles enters from his office, picking sleep out of his eyes.]

Oz: Good morning, Mr. Van Winkle.

Giles: What? Oh yes, Washington Irving. Did the dawn of a new day bring any fresh news on our friend Johnny?

Buffy:   We have an address. I think I�ll check this puppy out.

Willow: I wouldn�t go alone. You can�t know if he�ll be there.

Buffy: Do you want to come with?

[Willow vigorously shakes her head.]

Willow (meekly): There were frogs.

Buffy: Oz? Xander? Are you coming?

Xander: Fighting evil or history class? Hmmm�

Oz: Evil it is.

Xander: Forces of darkness here we come.

Willow: You�re just like Wendy and the Lost Boys.

Xander: Only if I get to be Peter Pan.

Oz: Then who can I be?

Xander: Tinkerbell.

Oz: Technically, she wasn�t a Lost Boy.

Giles: Buffy, should we really be talking like this in front of her?

[He indicates Cordelia.]

Buffy: Put on your glasses; that�s Cordelia.

[He puts on his glasses and squints.]

Giles: Cordelia? Good God, what happened to your hair? Uh, what I mean is that it�s so odd�different�than normal�than the way it usually is.   It�s lovely, really.

Cordelia: Tact guy strikes again.

Xander: She�s under a spell.

Cordelia: Excuse me, I have to point out the obvious; Johnny is a very attractive man, who loves to talk about clothes and me. Unlike some people, he doesn�t need spells to get girls.

Xander: Please, will you ever let that die? One spell goes wrong, and I�m branded for life.

Giles: Cordelia has a point. There no indication that she�s under any spell.

Xander: Would Cordelia do that to her hair if she wasn�t bewitched?

Giles: Yes, well, that�s a good indication.

Buffy: Just work on breaking the spell. We�ll be back soon.

[Buffy, Xander, and Oz leave.]

[Cut to Johnny�s SUV. He climbs in the driver�s seat, starts the motor, and pulls away, leaving Giles� house behind him. As the car rounds the corner and goes out of view, puffs of smoke begin to billow out from the window of Giles� house.]

PART THREE
[Cut to Johnny and Ethan�s apartment. Buffy enter, followed by Xander and Oz.]

Xander: What are we looking for?

Buffy: I don�t know.

Xander: Good to know we have a plan.

Oz: Wow, he likes TV.

Xander (looking at the pictures on the wall): And blondes. Dead ones.

[Xander picks up some nuts from a candy dish on a coffee table. He stuffs some in the pocket of his baggy jeans. He starts to crack some others and eat.]

Buffy: Xander, good rule of thumb�never eat anything you find when we�re breaking into the bad guy�s house.

Xander: They�re just almonds.

Oz: And in Alice in Wonderland, they were just cookies.

Buffy: You two look around here. I�ll check the bedrooms.

[She exits. The boys start to examine the room, looking behind the photographs and under the furniture.]

Oz: He either just moved in or has the world�s greatest maid.

Xander: If he just moved in, then why does he have a Christmas tree?

[Xander and Oz move to get a closer look at the large pine tree in the corner, which is now decorated with lilacs.]

Xander (cont�d): It�s the weirdest houseplant I�ve ever seen.

[Buffy returns from the bedrooms.]

Buffy: Find anything?

Oz: This tree seems to have weirdness.

Buffy: He did have a tattoo of a tree on his arm.

Xander: Did you find anything?

Buffy: Two bedrooms with two sets of clothes. He doesn�t live alone.

Xander: Girl clothes?

Buffy: Boy clothes. In Johnny�s room, I could tell by the clothes, he had a picture of a woman�

Oz: He had a lot of those.

Buffy: No, a recent picture. She had brown hair and was skating at Rockerfeller Center.

Oz: Anything else?

Buffy: The biggest video collection I�ve ever seen, lots of clothes, games, a drum set, just teenage boy stuff. No spell books or anything.

Oz (interested): A drum set?

Xander: Does that mean something to you?

Oz: No, just I wonder if he�s any good. We haven�t found a decent drummer since the zombies got Kent at Buffy�s party.

Xander: Does evil warlock mean nothing to you?

Oz: What? I�m just curious. (pause) What about the other room?

Buffy: Not much. Just clothes and a collection of spell books. I wish Willow or Giles were here and could tell me what they meant.

Oz: So Johnny isn�t the brains of the operation.

Buffy: But he has the bigger room.

Oz: You think that means something?

Buffy: We�re dealing with a warlock with a blond fetish, the color of the couch could have meaning.

Oz: Pink?

Xander: Actually, it�s more salmon.

Buffy: Let�s just report to Giles, and he can tell us what to think.

[The gang leaves, and Ethan emerges from a closet Xander and Oz neglected to check.]

[Cut to a junkyard outside of town. Johnny hands a wad of cash to a man in overalls. The man proceeds to count it and hold each bill up in the light of the sun. Satisfied that Johnny has not cheated him, the man hands the boy the leash to a large Doberman pinscher. The dog growls, slobbers, and bares his teeth, ready to rip his new owner to shreds. However, with a couple of inaudible words and an intense look, Johnny manages to subdue the beast, who follows docilely behind as Johnny walks away.]

[Cut to Mr. Trick�s lair. Spike sits on the arm of a sofa, tossing a bloody railroad spike between his hands. The body of a young woman lay sprawled on the couch. Mr. Trick is chatting on the computer.]

Spike (pouting): Well, this is no fun. The girl didn�t even last out the day before dying on me. Now, I have to wait until nightfall to get another one.

Mr. Trick: Your boredom may soon come to an end, my friend. Someone new has come to town.

Spike (sarcastically): Just what we want in Sunnydale�another wannabe vampire king. All we need now is for old Angelus to lose his soul again, then we can have ourselves a good ol� party.

Mr. Trick: No, not a vampire. Something else. I know a beast who says this guy he knows has returned to Sunnydale. I�ve worked with the guy before; he subcontracted for me. Name of Ethan Rayne. He provides a good distraction. I may just be able to use the opportunity to get the Slayer.

Spike: You don�t need to risk it on my account. I�m sure you�d be able to kill any number of slayers.

Mr. Trick: I never risk myself in anything. If and when I�m sure I could kill the Slayer, only then would I attack.

Spike: Good for you. I�ll try not to laugh when you fail. What am I saying�I�ll be the first one dancing around saying, �I told you so.�

Mr. Trick: Good to know I have your unqualified support.

[Cut to Johnny and Ethan�s apartment. Johnny, looking discouraged, holds his arm out in front of him. It�s translucent. The Doberman sits in the corner, growling at Ethan who sits on the salmon sofa.]

Johnny: Really, was invisibility too much to ask for?

Ethan: It�s only two years since your taurobolium. Give it time.

Johnny: It really ruined my big finish last night.

Ethan: The Slayer and her friends were here earlier. Did you let someone follow you?

Johnny: Please. I should ask you the same question.

[The dog barks viciously.]

Ethan: Would getting a muzzle for this thing be too difficult?

Johnny: He won�t be so feisty after tomorrow.

Ethan: Are you all prepared?

Johnny: Dog and girls�I got everything on my list. You got the tree. What about the food?

Ethan: Taken care of. Are you set for Sunday?

Johnny: Almost. One pissed off Slayer coming right up.

Conclusion of "The Rites of Spring"
Main Menu ~   Return to "Other Worlds" Menu