| A Journal Entry By Enigma |
| Disclaimer: Characters and situations related to BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER and ANGEL are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, the WB, and others. No copyright infringement is intended or implied. Anyway, you could tear out my fingernails with needle-nose pliers, and I still wouldn't tell you where Enigma was, so threaten all you'd like. Archive- Please email request. Feedback- Absolutely. ******************* At 19 I have fought more battles and defeated more enemies that most professional soldiers do in a lifetime. I often wonder how it would feel to be a soldier. To know that there was someone to back you up. To have an organization that would take care of you if something happened. To know that someday you could retire and enjoy your life. To know that others will pick up where you left off and the fight will go on while you live your life. I have never had that. Everyday since I was called it has been my lone fight. Day in and day out. There are times when I have tried to ignore my calling. To put it on hold for a few days, even a few hours, to be a normal girl. It never works. My calling calls out and I must respond. It�s almost as if it knows when I am trying to push it aside and then calls even louder. I have endangered my friends too many times by doing this. They have risked their lives many times in the battle without the special gifts I have been given. I love them all. Xander with his willingness to help no matter how unprepared or how bad the odds, Willow with her knowledge and ever growing wiccan powers, and Giles my mentor, with his unique understanding of what is like to be called to a duty you do not want but cannot walk away from. Without them I would not have made it this far. They have all helped countless times and saved my life numerous others. They provide backup and maybe most importantly, they bring a small shred of normalcy to my life. Things are changing again. I now know about �The Initiative�. I don�t fully understand what they do but I hope to soon. I�m not sure if they will be my salvation or my next fight. They claim to fight the forces of evil but is capturing demons and making them fluffy evil bunnies fighting the forces of darkness, or creating a new problem? Spike is now running around unable to fend for himself. Me, the Slayer, was feeding him! He was living with my Watcher and Xander. This is not right! He is my mortal enemy. Why does it seem like we are now on the same side? To make issues more complicated I am romantically entangled with Riley Finn, the lead soldier for �The Initiative�. Part of me hopes against hope that we are fighting the same fight. It would be nice to share the burden of saving the world. Having well trained and supplied back up increases the chance that I will live to see the next sunrise, the next week, my next birthday. I could take time to have a real life. I could go on a date and know that someone else will stop the evil that night. I may even one day be able to have family of my own, something I couldn�t even contemplate a year ago. Sure the arrival of Faith gave the impression that I might be able to go away to college but we know how that turned out, and I would still have had to come back afterwards. Now there is a chance that I one day I could stop fighting and still live. For now I will continue to fight on as before and hopefully live to see another sunrise. Main Menu ~ Return to "Other Worlds" Menu |